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Or “ Yo, da fuck?”, as Bravado Dave might say.

We’ll be moving in the New Year. Moving to a bigger 1940s semi, with a fuck-off big extended kitchen and lounge. There’s no chains involved, so as long as there’s no fuckery from the buyer, it should be fairly smooth. I was round there this afternoon drawing up a list of what actually needs doing before we move, and what pointless shite Mrs. F will be unable to function without. It was a pleasingly small list.

Zany - #1 on @Alex's list of seven cardinal sins.

Sounds good gonna hit that tonight. Salt biscuits and single malt at the ready.

Rafa is a great one, they're fucking rabid regarding the man.

Hero.

Whatever happens with us the fact is they’re heading right to League One, it’s utterly pathetic. The way Moyes has West Ham playing shows how deluded they are in thinking he’s the cause of all their current woes (that is literally what they are saying), their squad is the problem, there are serious issues that many have alluded too (the secret footballer, Gus Poyet, etc) but the tramps ignore all that and pin it on Moyes for some bizarre reason and then call us deluded because we rate a manager that won the CL, and was coaching Real Madrid before he managed us. Honestly I’m bored as fuck of them, they’re completely deluded, irrational, utter fucking SHITHOLE dwelling little fucking charvas. We’d stuff them 4-1 at their hovel and two days later they’re starting “yeeez still goin on about that?”, but if we lose to them they go on about it for fucking years (“we always win 2-1”). What a boring fucking bunch they are. Sunderland is actually a place you couldn’t fucking pay me to live in and they try and argue it’s mint compared to Newcastle it’s just fucking not man, it’s not even me being bias, Sunderland is just a fucking tip. The centre is just all poundstretchers and bakeries that are just trampy versions of Greggs. I’ll be chuffed to bits when they fuck off to division three and I hope to fuck they stay there. And aye I have been on the drink, that’s about the only time I can get riled up enough to post this bollocks about them.

In keeping with the time honoured traditions of TT, I feel I ought to inform you scurvy cunts that I sold my house today. Only put it on the market last week, so I’m fairly chuffed. I’ll keep you all minutely updated with every single detail of my experiences moving in to my new gaff, as and when it happens. I just know you’re all fighting the urge to crack one off from the sheer anticipation.