Howmanheyman

It was like being in a scene in JFK, only thing missing was John Callaghan from New Orleans who we met one day in Mexico telling me to say 'hi to the folks back home, Dave.' as he'd fucked off to his room whilst we were talking to his (half his age) new wife just to get a camcorder to shove in my face when I was having an icer by the bar. Only South African I remember spending time with turned out to be a cunt, seemed ok at first, joined in with me and a mate in town as we befriended him, a couple of hours later, already been out before we met him, I was singing the spitting image song at him before he eventually took the hint. Big farage fan he was, thought we were too till I informed him of his error. The yanks are funny fuckers, very friendly to other yanks, some to us as well but at least half of them freaked out when I replied to them, smiled but couldn't get away quick enough as they obviously couldn't understand a word I said even though I watered it down massively, some even struggled to understand the wife which was a huge piss take as she doesn't talk broad Geordie at all. I did have a bit of a laugh with one or two but I'm not sure they understood I was having them on a bit? Got some 'especial' bottled beer you had to pay for shoved in the ice bucket for myself, gratis, by a couple of the barmen as I laughed at his description of the beer being 6%abv, he was on about the bottled stuff in the shop, I thought he was talking about the draught stuff, I told him 'me trabajor en el breweria, no 6 por ciento' before I realised what he was talking about. Anyway, I must've been the only guest getting pissed on the beer when I fancied a drop as they always put some bottles on for me if we went to the lobby bar. One yank complained about the draught beer saying he was going to see the travel agent when he got back home, said everything was supposed to be Budweiser, I told him about the especial stuff in the shop and he said, 'You're Australian, right?'

We got on famously with them as we treat them well, spoke to them, sometimes in Spanish, had a laugh and didn't think flinging a dollar at them made being cunts ok.

If I remember correctly it was served in 'Old Orleans'? (The Mexicans christened it 'Daniel el Travieso').

I refer the right honourable gentleman to the 'Gazumped y'fucka' thread.

Did a little digging for you.....

Just used Bacardi as there was an offer on a litre bottle. From what I can remember margaritas are fairly bland, never heard of the other one but then again I'm not a cocktail aficionado like I'm guessing you are? The closest I've got to cocktails in the past was a shandy as a bairn or the odd snakebite till I couldn't put up with the cider. The wife used to drink a cocktail called Dennis the menace which she liked and got the Mexicans to make it for her when we were on holiday after she told them the ingredients.

I prefer them to whiskey although it's only once in a blue moon I'll drink one, (only if I'd made one for the missus who likes them).

Declined.

Tbf I was narrowing it down to show my amazing mojito, she just happened to have her feet on the table.

The 'bairn' had trainer socks on plus slippers and had got into something skimpy for the garden after getting back shopping with her younger sister. How I had a part in producing them I don't know? I narrowed the pic down as there's no way I'm having the degenerates on her ogling her. Anyway, could only manage three mojitos as although nice it's like pop so on second Charlie Chan of kronenbourg.

Thought I'd treat the missus to my homemade mojito, I don't usually drink it myself even though it's nice as I'm usually already drinking beer when I make it. Had quite a few cans yesterday doing the BBQ which as usual was a ball ache and has been delivered to the byker skip, (I cut my finger cutting a tomato so in this instance salad wasn't good for me). Anyway, I digress, making her a mojito and I'm not drinking beer so have made one for us both plus the eldest who's just come in and it's going down like pop. I'm off tomorrow so things could get messy.

UM's always tried to get a bit of attention.....

Deserves a ......

Have you tried giving @Christmas Tree a shout if you're struggling?

I came into some money this week. I spunked up in wor lasses purse.

Just seen a free paper sitting on the settee and picked it up. WTF is this shit? (Unfortunately this MB won't allow my pics I took of the paper but it's called 'The light' and it's full of conspiracy shite about COVID, vaccines, masks etc). I wonder who funds this as it's been put through the door? Apparently it's a 'people funded paper' Righto. An opinion piece said 'why don't rock bands just do their jobs anymore?'

In a recent survey, when asked when asked what they liked most about oral sex, 30% of men answered 'The feeling' but 70% however referenced 'The peace and quiet'. (I've probably put this on before.......not bovvered).

Little miss sunshine now married with two kids, gets embarrassed when this photo gets shown, swears to hubby the king was 'a great laugh' and nothing happened. Hubby secretly doesn't believe her. If Pardew sees this picture again he'll check if he still has her number and tries to remember which hotel they went to afterwards.

Subtle subtitle update.

Reminds me of this shit old joke.... A very camp tourist dressed up like a cowboy with a pink Stetson on walks into a bar in Texas. Camp cowboy tourist: [speaking very camply] "Sooooo..... where's all the rough, tough cowboys?' Bartender: [speaking in a gruff voice] "You just missed 'em, buddy. They'll probably be nearing Rednecksville by now." CCT: "oh boooo! I'll just get on my little pony and ride over there then." An hour later. Gets off his little pony and walks into a bar in Rednecksville. CCT: [speaking very camply] "Sooooo..... where's all the rough, tough cowboys?' Bartender: [speaking in a gruff voice] "You just missed 'em, partner. They'll probably be nearing Hogsville by now." CCT: "Flipping heck, I just want to meet some lovely cowboys. I'll just get on my little pony and head over there I suppose." An hour later in Hogsville. Camp cowboy tourist: [speaking very camply] "Sooooo..... where's all the rough, tough cowboys? I keep missing them, they're playing hard to get with little old me." Bartender: [speaking in a gruff voice] "They're just over yonder ridge, hangin' some faggot so I heard." CCT: [Gulps, pauses then replies in an extremely gruff and gravely voice]....... "You don't say?"

Alreet, John.

Again, if our stadium is lopsided what is theirs? (And that's before everything else). DERANGED.

Fat Sam walking into his local in Marbella next week.....