Howmanheyman

Tell him his breath stinks of shit and you can smell it from your phone.

I get stressed out cooking for four.

Silly old cunt, if it was my dad driving outrageously slow and some charva on a moped give him a bit of stick he'd have just laughed at him and said to him, 'hey man, you stupid bastard' in a daft American accent. (Yes, he did this when he was taking the bairns to school a few years ago when I was at work).

Bloke died in the brewery after falling into a twenty tonne beer tank. It was a slow death as he ended up crawling out five times for a piss before finally drowning.

Bloke suspects his missus is having an affair so he pretends to go to work but goes on a drive before returning an hour later. Lo and behold he he sees movement upstairs so he lets himself in to hear their lass screaming in ecstasy, he goes ballistic, grabs a knife lying on the bench, runs upstairs and sees his pal giving his wife a good scudding. Blinded by rage and hurt he plunges his knife in the ex-pal and as his mate slumps to floor dead his missus says, 'Well if that's how you're going to go on you'll have no mates left!'

"I'm not saying they panicked but their arseholes were twitching like a bunny rabbit's nose, Jeff."

"There's been a late, late goal at Southampton, but who's it to, HMHM?!" "Equaliser against Spurs. Giddup!"

Poachers goal from Kane.

Tell them they should've manned up in 1984 instead of caving in.

Nice through ball from Maddison.

Would've been a pretty flat atmosphere after last night's result so Luton will have every chance.

Battle of the shit slow 'when the saints/spurs' chant. Who can go the slowest?

Southampton equalise against spurs.

Likes his music apparently......

Good news for spurs fans, as it stands they're now seven points clear of Liverpool.

Richarlison subbed off after three minutes crying.

Howay the spitfire lads!

Lass reporter at Southampton interviewing efan ekoku asking him would spurs fans be happy being fourth and six points clear of Liverpool?

🎵 What's in your head, in your head, marra, marra, marra-a-a-a 🎶

Newcastle United - Ousmane Dembélé. GAZUMPED, MARRA. FTM. ☑️

Dembele 🤝 Sunderland. Deal done. 👍

From the people who gave you 'The Magedia'. An RTG production. Tom92 presents....... 'The M(ag)etro'

First reply. "Get on to Mick Lynch, tell him strictly no rail strikes on NUFC match days and to make sure industrial action is pinpointed for Sunderland home games. Tyneside must flourish over Wearside at all costs. Remind him we have the photos."