Howmanheyman

'Touching distance' by Martin Hardy Thought this would be a half decent read about the 'nearly' season but after a only a quarter of the way through it's so much better than that. I only got it the other day and read at break time at work yesterday. The book goes back to the early eighties and has some fantastic interviews with players, managers and directors, each leading up to particular events, for example, David Kelly's goal v Pompey to stay up then drifting off to his tale about growing up and how he ended up signing for United and what it all meant, from his Irish/Brummie uncle telling him to sign for us as he'd finally have made it as a player if he wore the number nine, to his tales of living on Tyneside to his accurate description of Derby away where he threw his shirt in the crowd. Believe me, as someone who was at those two games in particular I was sitting in my work baitroom with lumps in my throat and it wasn't due to Mrs HMHM's sarnie. The people so far who have chatted with Hardy and I'm only a quarter of the way in are, Shearer, (talking about KK's Liverpool farewell game), Howey, Ginola, Sir Les, Centre parting, Killer, (his patter is great by the way, but he's not far ahead of the likes of Kelly and Howey), John Hall (no surprises that he talked the most shite so far but wasn't too bad by his own standards) and of course KK himself. Hardy sets the mood amazingly well and as someone who was around at the time I think he absolutely nails it. So far the interviews come across as a chat between mates and it's abundantly clear how the players felt about our club and what they thought our club was about, even when were in the shit. If you went to the games or were around at the time 100% buy this book, if you weren't but are genuinely interested in our club's recent past then I'd completely recommend it still. I thought it would be half decent but it's definitely exceeded my expectations. The only downside is it'll fill you with even more contempt about the present NUFC.

CT. Keeping it realistic.

Aye, you're saying it now with 20 fucking 20 hindsight, Alex. Bet you and others were happy six weeks ago.

Seen the Sheff Wed goal this morning. Not the first time Krul has been beaten by a shot he just has to save. My daughter could've hit the ball harder than the Sheffied kid.

"Scoobos you bloody fool! Look!" "Your accursed crawling skin has been duly noted by the 'McClaren needs to go after X months' brigade! You and Aimaad22 must take full responsibility for this attack, damn your eyes, sir!"

The main problem hasn't changed, it all stems from the owner, everything.

How many times have we questioned the buying policy at the club? I notice a few are having a go at Carr, seriously, how the fuck do we know how many players he recommends are rejected? Does he even bother to nominate anyone out of the tight specifications we apparently have? Charnley we all think is out of his depth, so no change there. There was no big fanfare for McClaren and the fact he seemed happy to take the devils silver makes any future moans irrelevant, he absolutely knows what he's taking on. There isn't 20/20, just hope that things work out. Mitrovic looks like could be a player if he gets the right service, nothings changed there for me, we needed a left back, no change there, Sissoko is a cunt so don't give a fuck about him, Thauvin, no idea about him but sceptical and looking like good reason on that score. Gini looked good but seems to have the look of a bloke who's went in the wrong bar and just realised after he's already bought his pint. Krul has been shit for a while as has Colo so again I'm not bothered, (slightly more bothered about Krul bearing in mind we still have Elliot on the books).

That's BLACKANDWHITEGEORDIE that is.

You can fuck off, I'm not putting a pic of a cock on here.

Don't worry about it, man.

"Hell's teeth, Aimaad22! You have spoken too soon, damn your eyes!" "Its.....it's.....it's the famous charge of the 'we're playing well we just have a tough start' brigade! This is all your fault! You wouldn't let it lie."

You worked in the NHS?

No chance we'd forget them while you're around, essembee.

"So this ginger bloke then walks up to my desk in the jobcentre and tells me he's just quit his job and can I get him another job for about £50,0000 a year that is nicer?'

Went from being optimistic that Mike has all this football malarky sussed now, to being optimistic of finding the next Anglo-Saxon million pound hoard.

He's been a wanker for years, man, trouble is some of the journalists were all starry-eyed about him and it was great he was on their 'manor'. If he had a brummie accent, managed us, the Makems, Villa or whoever and went on the way he did he'd have pelters off them years ago.

Been on top form, you, lately. I always said, give these yanks time to settle on here and they'll eventually get the craic.

Pack extra underpants. You don't want anymore bowel adventures at the airport.

Good to hear, Esteban.

Not when it takes about ten minutes of deleting and starting again till it's right.

Fantastic times at that age, record little bits of them on the sly then forget about the recordings for a few years. You won't appreciate it as much now, but a few years from now you'll be almost in tears when you hear their voices. RE the HP stuff. I wish I had your transferable skills if it does go tits up at work. You'll be fine, mate. (P.S. It took ages to write this properly as I'm fucking arseholed).

I've more respect for essembee than half the knackers on Sunday supplement and their serious faces they pull to look serious. They're just hacks with a daily grind to write something to keep themselves in a job. Ever been in a bar and heard some fucking no-mark talk a load of rhubarb about football? That's them that is.