Howmanheyman

Happy Birthday, mate! (You share the same birthday as my youngest daughter who's 10. While you're celebrating I'll be having the pleasure of a sleepover with five of her mates, plus the other three females who live here.) P.S. No Savile jokes, please.

:lol:

How do we know he lives in the Cayman Islands? It's well documented on Cayman island forums who lives there and the residents themselves make no mention of a scoobos? Do we just believe this scoobos? /makom

He lives in a one bedroom flat in Kenton above the shops. At least he's close to some take aways and has easy access to some cans.

Great news! Can we not do a bogof deal with Obertan?

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 12/06/2015 Well after the radio silence put on yours truly and the Thompson House scribblers in general, word came out that we'd get sloppy seconds on a Steve McClaren interview. Punters reading this might think, 'lee, what's the big deal?You're a fucking lyrical gangster of regional sports writing, you're getting the interview even if it's a day later than the rest?' Ah love me punters, me loyal readers, they're the people who got me where I am by reading my shit hot pure fucking gold dust toon stuff, but bless them, they don't understand the snub the Ronny Gill had to swallow by getting this interview after the rest. Anyways, after hearing about us getting invited up to Casa Saint Jimmys for a belated interview with Schteve from Margaret on the reception desk ah dusted meself down, got my dictaphone and notepad and pen and headed out of THHQ ready to catch up with Schteve where ah left off in the bogs. Ah left the building only to see Gibbo and Mark 'Duggy' Douglas chatting in the street. As ah got near them ah heard Gibbo say to Duggy, "Give me a ring when you're finished. Ah'll see you in the Bacchus after you interview McClaren, Mr Glenfiddich for me if yer buying!" Ah couldn't believe this shit again! Ah piped up, "Am ah fucking hearing things again, here, like?! Ah gets part one of a quick interview with Schteve despite not being invited, and your sending Duggy to do part two of a proper sitty doon interview? Last time we got the Charnley interview ya gave it to fucking Neil Cameron! Divvent give iz that 'But Lee, the fans want to hear your toon/retro/man of the people' shite again, it just doesn't wash, this time!" John replied, "Err, calm doon, kidda, calm doon! Last time ah thought it would do Cams the power of good to get out of your shadow! Same this time with Duggy! You're the main man, Lee! The top dog of the Thompson House sports stable! The two lads need to have a go themselves! Plus it wouldn't be fair on Steve to get the full Monty Ryder grilling in only his first week Would it?" Ah couldn't fucking believe this shit, like. Gibbo thought I was the top dog of the Thompson House stable? Wow. A real compliment from a Ronny Gill legend! Ah thought, ah well, let Duggy have the interview. Good experience for the kid. Ah then made a quick phone call to Steve Wraith asking him for a quick chat with Pav about THAT entertainers side, seeing that Wraith was somehow Pav's agent. After a very tense ten minute call between former Toon Army foot soldier Ryder and former bouncer and one time general acquaintance of the Krays, Wraith, we settled on a twenty note deal to get Pav's new number that the baldy cunt made Pav change his phone to. Ah got another great retro toon tale and poor Duggy had to decipher Scteve's nonsense interview as the daft ginger twat still thought he was half Dutch. Lol! Laters, diary!

Either that or one of the defenders in the wall was about to tell her the latest happenings in Eastenders and she turned away as she hadn't caught up on her planner yet and didn't want to know.

The sun shines and I always say 'Sacre Blurt' in a French accent when I see a hinney. Chez letting the team down if he doesn't do that on French soil itself.

Very good.

Both very good. For some insane reason I get the tune of Boney M's 'one way ticket' replacing the constant 'one way ticket' chants with 'sunshine fanny' chants instead.

I took part in the boycottspurs, (was already boycotting anyway but turned up to demonstrate).

No permanent damage done, Gem. She'll just have a bit of headache the next day and the room was spinning a bit when she went to sleep.

Let's just say I drove tanks and flew Vulcan bombers and leave it at that. People can read into that what they like.

I was protesting against the board when you were just a spunk bubble in your milkmans japs eye.

You'd be a casting agents wet dream if he was looking for 'come dine with me' contestants, CT.

FYP

Giving them way too much respect there, Fish. Mirror Group has obviously coughed up some cash and Sky is our main income generator. That's as far as it goes.

You got the KB back then but 'Troy' didn't?

Recognise Moody from clips of Oliver but that's it I'm afraid. Lee played a great part in just about everything even when hamming it up. Lived some life before becoming a thespian as well it seems. RIP both.

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 10/06/2015 'Well now, well now' as Lee Cattermole's dad once nearly said, what an amazing day at the cathedral on the hill, new managers and a blood letting of the coaching staff! Ah got a tip off something big was happening when ah looked out the window of Thompson House and saw a Sky camera crew driving past, ah did think it strange that they were onto it before me as ah'd obviously gone above and be-fucking-yond helping the club out and Carvs in particular owed me big time. Ah also knew Lee Charnley was over the fucking moon with my fake Colo letter and if anything was happening I'd be the numero uno, top banana to find out. But......there were the sky bozo's heading up to Casa St. James'.......Hmmmmn. Anyways, ah thought Lee must've got waylaid and couldn't give me a bell so ah decided to grab the black & white bull by the horns and raced up to Gallowgate to find oot the Geordie roar. As ah left Thompson House a Harry Bamp was sitting ootside, stinking of piss and begging for some dosh. The tramp said, "Howay, Mister! can ya spare iz some money for some scran and a few Charlie Chans? Ah'm a Toon Army veteran, wor kid." Ah looked down properly at him wondering if ah'd recognise him from away day skirmishes I'd heard about when ah clocked the dial of none other than our recently departed interim coach, John 'Carvs' Carver! "Fuck me!" ah says, "What ya deeing begging, John?" Carvs replied that he'd built an extension on his house expecting to pay it off when he got the job full time and he owed Billy the Brick ten grand with no way to pay it. "Lee, man, if ah divvent raise the extra coin for Billy he'll gan fucking radge and ah've heard too many tales aboot what he can dee with that jagged edge spirit level of his that would have you touching cloth, wor kid." Poor John, but poor Lee Ryder as well, this useless cunt was my meal ticket for the next few years and the daft cunt went and got himself sacked! What was ah ganna dee now? What ah was ganna dee was bung Carvs a tenner for owld times sake so he could get himself a few cans then ah was up to see who the new supremo was going to be. Ah got to the reception and the lass says to me, "Sorry Lee, media partners only." Ah replied, "Wha, what? Ya having a fucking giraffe, like, aren't ya? After ah'll the stuff ah've done lately? This is the thanks ah get? Ah'll fucking have words with Penfold next time ah see the cunt. Ya can tell him that anaal!" Ah was aboot to carry on when ah saw a certain ginger quiff entering the SJP netty through the glass window down the corridor. Ah then turned the tap on the famous Knight Ryder charm that ah knaa the fanny lap up. Ah winked and said, "How, pet, ah've got to siphon the Python if ya knaa what ah mean? Ah need to water the bog plants with me Geordie man-hose if ya catch me drift?" While she looked at iz in stunned admiration ah nipped into the corridor and opened the bog door just as Schteve was putting his John Thomas away. Ah grabbed the initiative and his hand and shook it firmly. "Ryder, Lee Ryder. Top dog at the Evening Chronicle." Schteve, said, "Err, Lee is it? You might want to wash your hands, son because I, err.... haven't!". Anyways, warmed by Stevey Mac's concern not to mention his warm urine, ah did an imprompteded, err, an imprompadoo, err, a quick interview. Ah got in when all doors were locked to the former FC Twente boss and made sure my loyal readers got the Ryder take on the new man with a few words from Schteve himshelf, as they say in ol' Amshterdam! Lol! Ryder and fucking out!

Simpson was a tidy player, thought we should've bought him a few years ago. No idea of his coaching reputation.

Clark was a canny footballer but has been known to be a knacker from anecdotes I've heard plus what I've seen. He might be a good coach/manager but if you're a knacker then you're going to be a bit handicapped doing the job well imo.

Clark would be Carver MKII.

Worried Makom will post soon.

My Dad and late Granda were also in the Artillery, (RHA), although my Granda never served abroad and was medically discharged during WW2. His unit were sent to North Africa and took heavy losses so it's good job he was bad when he was otherwise you might never have experienced my superb patter and rapier-like wit on here. He worked at NEI Parsons on old Shields Road and retired in 1980. He passed away in the nineties. Like both your Grandparents he was deaf as a post and was always immaculately dressed and would get suited up, cufflinks etc just to go for a couple of hours in the Prince of Wales on Shields Road proper.