Howmanheyman

I wasn't working and unable to claim even dole money being under eighteen for a lot of Ossie's reign.

That reminds me, really need to get the coffee table legs fixed.

Some sportsdirect signage. There's not enough of them knocking about.

When Ossie's black & white army of bairns were playing, CT was a high powered Settee exec brokering media deals with Metro Radio for a months worth of MFI jingles. Fuck Matty Appleby and co.

Correct. But only the wages you spend on new players, the wages you save from players sold doesn't get mentioned.

Tape: "Been." CT: "Being." Tape: "Been." CT: "Being." Tape: "BEAN!!!!!!" CT: "Well done tape!" Tape: "I'm a tape, not a miracle worker!"

How do you know? (No problem getting in now, as it happens, CT).

Rest of the country calling today 'Transfer deadline day', we're calling it 'Friday'.

Joe kinnear doesn't run Newcastle United nor dictate the clubs strategy.

I judge kinnear from the present back to his first press conference as our manager. I judge Mike Ashley on not just hiring him but re-hiring him. Kinnear is just a stooge, despite Pardew 'fankin' Mike on numerous occasions he knows arse licking will get him nowhere. There just isn't a will to make it happen from him, is there even a plan for him to take his money back or is he just letting his advertising vehicle run on and on with no intervention and no interest unless it's critical?

So how does this spotify work, then, my dear friends?

I know, I'm expecting her any minute.

It was a mixture of checking out the football shirts I could see and watching open mouthed out the Sabrina look-a-like Italian lasses. The expensive shops were a chore, though. It was my first 'proper' holiday and I loved it to be fair.

Real shame 'Bravado Dave' and 'Chez' by KSA has disappeared on here.

I'm alright, thanks chaps, (apart from hand) but the Missus is all over the shop.

I spent the day there when I was 14 and was bored out of my skull. We, (Grandparents, Sister, Auntie and Cousin) spent a fortnight at a resort called Lido di Jesolo which was about 30-45 mins away by coach and boat.

One lass asked my mate for a kiss under the mistletoe near Christmas in there, he said he wouldn't kiss her under anaesthetic before getting a crack in the face off the Fat Slag look-a-like.

Got a few knock backs on the dance floor off me tits, mind.

Reckon 94 at the very latest for me, mate. I hope you can live with the disappointment, Gem!

An old tale from a few of years ago from yours truly. Whilst being out in the Town the need came on to visit a toilet. Where to go though? Where could I go that wasn't like the Bog from Trainspotting? I have a think and Fenwicks comes to mind, thats always in good nick as they don't want to offend the middle class oldies who frequent the shop. In I go, champion. The place is spotless and empty apart from the trap next to me, oh well, can't have it all I thought. So I get on and do what I've got to do when all of a sudden a voice comes from the next trap..... "Alreet, mate?" Fucking hell! It could only happen to me, like. The only lunatic in the World to shop in Fenwicks has decided to have a shite at the same time as me. Oh well, I thought, I'll humour the nutter..... "Aye canny" I say smiling to myself and hoping thats the end of it. Not a chance as the voice pipes up...... "What ye deeing like?" I don't believe this, I'm having a conversation with some nutter on the bog. I reply a little forcefully.... "Whey y'knaa, just trying to have a QUIET shite, what about you?" I felt that that would be a big enough hint until the voice spoke again..... "Hang on, mate, I'll have to ring you back, there's some nutcase talking to me in the next toilet!!" Oops!

Unlucky.

Bad week, CT.

Don't jump in a Gondola. The Gondoliers really don't like that.

Well done, Tom! Told you that jobshare with CT would work out.

When I was about 21 I had a shit once in a nightclub, (Tux2/Bliss), as my gut was going daft. Was nobody in when I went in trap 1 but in between the huge splattering noises as the bog was well and truly pebble-dashed a few lads entered the toilet. To this day I've never had a shit as vile smelling as that one and even I was nearly retching never mind the kids having a slash or going in to take drugs. I had to flush the toilet, put my hands under the taps very quickly before leaving the bogs with my head down like a sex offender leaving court whilst being called all the 'dorty bastards' going.