Meenzer

I'm pretty sure it was "bird", thus creating a neat internal rhyme with "word" on the stresses of the melody. Knowledge of the lady is clearly assumed.

Plus a 15-game surcharge if we renew his contract after June 15

Try sucking a fisherman's friend What took you so long? Is that what you said to him as well

Try sucking a fisherman's friend What took you so long?

"Qualifications"

An answer on here that revolves around alcohol. I'm shocked. Cheers all.

Not overly fussed about the Cup Final itself, but if it brings the traditional Cup Final weather, that'll do quite nicely.

Dragged myself out of bed to break this ludicrous sleep pattern I've been on. Nine tedious hours of translating PowerPoint presentations for an ailing German car manufacturer will follow.

Aye, the 21-page "Best of YouTube" thread over in General Chat is just one long list of mod edits. Meow Martin! Sorry.

Aye, the 21-page "Best of YouTube" thread over in General Chat is just one long list of mod edits.

http://www.wikihow.com/Calculate-Pi-by-Thr...Frozen-Hot-Dogs Christ, I'm bored.

That's only because he wees on homeless black men instead.

There seem to be tons of them available at the chemist's. Anyone know which ones actually work (or have any non-medical remedies they can suggest)? I've had a dry tickly cough for days now and it's starting to get decidedly annoying.

That's cack like. The pot should just be saying "You're black". Or "OMG LOL DARKIEEZ!!1!" for that forum-friendly feel.

Saw "Notes On A Scandal" at a dusty old university lecture hall of a "cinema" in Belgrade. Most bizarre. Anyway, the book was better.

On BBC News, I'd wager. The filthy swine!

Now that's just taking it too far!

So long as that pole's involved, eh? Providing it's not too bendy.

I'd leap six metres into the air and land on her inflatable crashmats any day.

They'll be grateful when they feed them 12 points at Eurovision every year, if nothing else... It's daft like: By contrast, I think Katrina and the Waves were greeted at Heathrow by two Soho gays and their chihuahua. People are still whistling the bloody Serbian song all around town. I wouldn't put it past them making it the new national anthem.

Which is why they win it and we send Scooch. I know what you mean though. When it comes to my Euro-fetish, it's like when the stereotypical well-meaning girlfriend sees you getting worked up about the football and points out that it's only 22 men running around after a ball - you know there's a grain of truth in what they're saying, but it sort of misses the point a bit. And besides, without Eurovision, the Gays would have to find some other vehicle for their Anthea Turner-inspired hostess and housewifery skills. Like, erm, the football. Maybe.

Just got in from the public reception for the winner in central Belgrade. 70,000 people singing along to the winner... it fair brings a tear to the eye, I tells ya. Even the repeated chants of "Serbia! Serbia!" weren't too intimidating.

Unless your date goes badly. Top Tip: Don't ask her for ideas for a Eurovision drinking game.

She did indeed qualify - Macedonia always do - and will be singing 6th. Which should be, ooh, just before 8:30 UK time if I'm any judge. And she's always been a she, to the best of my knowledge. Not the brightest spark though.

There's loads of ideas on Google. The voting's easy - everyone gets a country and you have to drink when your country scores points - but for the rest of it, hm... I'd say "drink whenever Wogan mentions Eastern Europeans and neighbourly voting", but that'd probably see you in hospital by about halfway through. I quite liked this, impractical though its implementation may be: