Dr Kenneth Noisewater

I thought she was with lamearse? I think its Ashely's daughter - Llambias' bird is the classic mutton dressed as lamb, home counties gold-digger type. I always see her as a cross between Marlene from Only Fools and Horses and John Prescott's missus. In both cases the bloke is as fucking dodgy as Dekka anyway so the cap fits. My first thought too

They're new but they're generic (ie it won't be branded Nokia). Agree with Ant about Ebay for batteries and the like.

I've been to two in Seahooses both shite. One near the lifeboat history place and one on the street leading down to the harbour. Might've been on bad days like. A really, really good one is at Doxford Park beside Morrisons one of the best in the NE, owned by toon fans too, in the inbred heartland. Is that the 'as seen on TV' one? Regarding the original question, it just depends what I'm in the mood for. I probably have pizza the most though so I'll go for that. Recommended by The Hairy Bikers

All this national identity confusion and religious bigotry is hard for an English atheist to keep up with

How come you don't support Norn Iron?

Tenner? I gave a tenner to comic relief, SBR Foundation means more to me than that. £50? Fair enough. (I thought you were a young lad and didn't want to put something ott for you, so good on you). Good luck!

She's obviously attractive, but there's something about her that makes her not 'sexy' in my eyes. I think that may be it.

Tenner?

Is training everyday ok or is it better alternate training and rest days?

It's normally fish quays I find. Like Seahooses is a quay. It's shite though so that's a bad example. The worst F+C I've ever had have been seaside places, Blackpool - absolutely wank, and Redcar worst ever. Never seen a cod what is black, before or since. I quite like Pinnacles in Seahouses. Redcar has terrible chippies for a seaside town, there was one good one but the owners retired and it went to shite. Excellent one in Saltburn tho, The Seaview, one of the very best. I usually find chippies that also do fried chicken or burgers or kebabs are shite as well, stick to what you know. The original Harry Ramsdens in Guisley is ok, but the franchised ones are over-priced garbage. Loads of decent ones in Whitby if you're ever down that way. As racist as this is going to sound, I can only think of one decent one I've had that has been ran by FC's. Like honestly. The only good ones are ran by English people I've found, other than one on Munster Road in Fulham, ran by Greeks. Have you been to many scottish ones? Been to one near Dumfries that was alright. There was a sweet shop connected to it and they had a separate fryer for doing the chocolate bars. I sampled a deep-fried Mars bar (when in Rome and all that ). It was nice actually, the batter and chocolate all melted together so it tasted like a warm chocolate doughnut. If I ever go back I'm going to have a deep-fried Star-Bar

It's normally fish quays I find. Like Seahooses is a quay. It's shite though so that's a bad example. The worst F+C I've ever had have been seaside places, Blackpool - absolutely wank, and Redcar worst ever. Never seen a cod what is black, before or since. I quite like Pinnacles in Seahouses. Redcar has terrible chippies for a seaside town, there was one good one but the owners retired and it went to shite. Excellent one in Saltburn tho, The Seaview, one of the very best. I usually find chippies that also do fried chicken or burgers or kebabs are shite as well, stick to what you know. The original Harry Ramsdens in Guisley is ok, but the franchised ones are over-priced garbage. Loads of decent ones in Whitby if you're ever down that way.

Dont take the piss besty. My point is valid. How will it be worse? Fwiw i think we will have a good summer and everyone will be optimistic come the start of next season. What's your definition of 'a good summer'? No major outgoings, a new striker of quality and a few decent squad players (RB, LB, RW,LW) and a solid pre season. I'll have an under/over with you if you like, for a charity bet going towards the Bobby Robson Foundation. I reckon our NET spend in the summer will be £10m or less. If it is, you donate, if its over I will.

Dont take the piss besty. My point is valid. How will it be worse? Fwiw i think we will have a good summer and everyone will be optimistic come the start of next season. What's your definition of 'a good summer'?

I'm going to the Saturday. Anywhere in particular you'd recommend for Friday & Saturday night? (Stag weekend btw).

Paul Ince of Notts County and Chris Powell of Charlton are the only black bosses currently at league clubs. Which makes sense to me. At anyone time there are 4 or 5 black managers of 92 clubs generally, which seems right, when 4% of the population is black. Black English managers are generally shit anyway, look at John Barnes, and what a success Ince made of Blackburn. I always thought Ian Wright would be a good manager but he hasn't chosen that path. There was a show on fivelive last week about this, suggesting that there are so few black managers because there is a preconception that they're all thick. I was hoping that Big Ron would come on and have his two penneth: "It's a complete fallacy to say there aren't many black managers just because they're thick. It's because they're lazy as well..."

Darlo.

Point below us now, with significantly worse goal difference. What's their run-in like?

You've been hammering it lately haven't you Stevie?

Fucking hell.

The results of Eddie Stobart's post-mortem have been released. Apparently he was HGV-positive.

Beans. Get em spilt ! At the beginning of Anchorman when they're all at the pool party, they introduce themselves. Brian Fantana's spiel went like this: "People call me the Bri-man. I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself, and the answer is yes, I do have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon. But I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westfall, and my right one is Dr Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, you just might get to meet the whole gang."

Someone shat themselves in a biology exam. Like Any & NJS, I have virtually no contact with people I went to school with now.

So after the 'April Fools Massacre' who's not coming back: ASM? CT? Toonraider? Shame if we lose any of them imo, especially Toonraider.

'Pet' up here, 'Love' in Yorkshire, 'Chuck' in Lancashire, 'Duck' in the east midlands... any more?

Blokes (straight ones) call each other love sometimes in West Yorkshire. That's a bit not right imo.