Ayatollah Hermione

He wears flash gear and is black. Therefore, his attitude must be incorrect

Mine is the best btw but you all don’t want to know so you can make like a tree and split

Could well see us taking Depay off their hands on some loan deal. Problem is, Barca will probably demand we pay all of his wages, his goal bonus, his credit card bill and his car insurance

We should put in a bid for their shite striker, just to see if it unsettles him.

Didn’t somebody comb THE STATS and find out that Maxi is actually more effective on the right from an assist standpoint? I.E he has to pass with his strong foot rather than cut in and shoot with it

One of the most damaging things they’ve done is manage to make people think that all politicians, on every side of the fence, are tax-dodging, expense-claiming arseholes who are only out for themselves. It’s exactly why people just aren’t voting because the Tory press have managed to convince everyone that Labour are as bad as them. I don’t know how you undo that, I really don’t. And if people don’t think the alternative will be any different, why turn up and get them out? There’ll always be someone else to blame for the Tories fuck ups

Aye, I really don’t envisage a way they stay up tbh. Unless they sack Lampard sharp and have a quality January window

He did an excellent job in getting us out the Championship as a stop-gap but it basically sums Ashley up that a stop-gap was around for about 6 seasons

Who is? Liz or Penny?

Does anyone like them?

Sorry to hear that, @Gemmill Cats really are class once you realise that they’re all proper daft shites who just try to be horrible at first. One of ours had a dodgy stomach for a couple of days over the weekend and I’d convinced myself it was bad news but she’s fine now. Little twat was probably eating string again

Can’t help but notice that their signing policy appears to be “ring around the Premier League lads and see if any academy player is leaving”

I’d arguably be tempted to keep Longstaff about over Shelvey. But by the same token, Shelvey still has a range of passing that only Bruno can replicate. It’s a tricky one. This post, brought to you by redundancy

This heat is really not on, like. Getting absolutely brayed with constant warm blasts of air to the point where the pints of water I’m having can’t keep up. Bring back 13 degree summers, I say

Total Sunday league refereeing for their goal. Does he ANY idea who he’s messing with?

Tag Fish next time

Hope she recreates Thatcher’s 8th of April 2013 at some point

He’s only been doing this for less than a year and, after being invited to the NUFC journos table for a drink, he’s already got further than Lee Ryder ever will

Does everyone know Sam Fender is from Shields btw? He loves Newcastle as well. He never mentions it though

Same here. There’s something genuinely engaging about how absolutely shite his videos are. From the voice where you can only understand every third word, the frantic jump cuts, how he walks like he’s a Power Ranger toy being controlled by a stupid child to the absolute bemusement of everyone he comes into contact with, they’re like bits of performance art

Atlanta are the real deal; they’re incredibly well run. I think they’re in the top 15 for average attendances worldwide IIRC and make an absolute bomb from the commercial side of things. And if he managed to fleece us out of £22 million for Almiron, imagine what he can do with the other lot

Hudson-Odoi seems like a classic deadline day loan when Chelsea are clearing decks. Wouldn’t be against him either, looked the business until Tuchel came in and tried to turn him into a wing-back

Who in the Sam Hill is Jax Taylor-Cooke? The only Jax I know of is the lad from Mortal Kombat with the metal arms. Hope it’s him, nobody will beat that fucker in a shoulder to shoulder

Not a chance it’ll go as high as 30 million. Reckon it would be around 20 with add-ons and such. Hank Elevator will only need that to replace him with someone from Red Bull Dustpan

I think Harrison may end up being one of those signings who would arrive with little fanfare and end up being a good one. Maybe there’s a bit of hope in there but I’ve always thought he’s looked good when I’ve seen him and he feels like someone who Howe would get fit and raring to go. Gives us options on both sides to switch flanks and he’s more than capable of chipping in with plenty goals as well. I’ve convinced myself, bring him in