Ayatollah Hermione

Did the Americans get told to fuck off when they were angling to be in? Sure I saw an advert for “The American Song Contest” the other day which I can only imagine is Eurovision with all of the charming camp stripped right out of it

Sounds like another worthy addition to the content landslide

Flatten Buckingham Palace and turn it into a leisure centre, I say.

FWIW, I probably wouldn’t sell him because he does have it in him to completely change a game but I’d absolutely be signing some proper competition to give him a kick up the hole

Not having his shots being more likely to score than anyone else’s like. If they’re not under hit, they’re fucking flying wide

It’s all just bloody politics!!!!!

Shots on target ffs Daisy cutters at 3mph from outside the box because he didn’t want to pass to a teammate

Easy way to beat them; walk over to him on the touchline and say something like “Blackmore’s Night were a load of shite and Judas Priest were just a crap Extreme” and then he’ll be so beside himself with rage that he’ll make mental tactical decisions. Done

Howe is willing to sell at least 10 players according to The Sun, including Saint-Maximin, Almiron and Lascelles. Flogging ASM and Almiron and replacing them with Lingard and Sarr (to pick him somewhat out of a hat) lands you 10 more goals a season easily, whether it through them directly or assists, I reckon. Big fan of ruthless Eddie Howe tbh. Putting Lascelles in against Man City so he has an excuse for selling him because it went tits up

This Sky commentator is the pits. Pairing him with Hinchcliffe should be classified as a war crime

Christ, what a murderers row in that away end, fuck me

That kid slipping before he even passed the ball

NEVER MIND

Wednesday are fucking atrocious. Wycombe will be a harder task but I reckon this lot will get through it.

Mackems look fairly well organised and set up defensively tbf but there’s fuck all quality in midfield and that striker is completely isolated. Let’s hope they do go up and get a complete flop of a striker

Fingers crossed this mackem time wasting and attempted shithousing comes back and bites them in the arse

If you were to offer me Lascelles leaving and Tarkowski coming in on a free as his would-be replacement, that would be a no-brainier imo.

If Burnley are safe on the last day and the game is a total dead rubber, I’d be tempted to start him. No pressure on him, go and skin Billy Burnley at right back

We need to get into the habit of making any kind of money off the academy products that aren’t going to make the grade. It’s a good money spinner if your academy can produce players of a half-decent standard regularly. £5 million isn’t much in the grand scheme of things but it’s pure profit off a player you’ve brought through the system. It’s something Ashworth got rolling at Brighton of all places so I imagine that’ll be the plan here too.

After today, I’m more convinced than ever that the new Longstaff deal is just so we don’t lose him for nowt. He’ll not get a look in next season

All it’ll take is for us to start next season well and Howe will get a new deal, I reckon

I can’t stand those dweebs who want to keep players around because they seem canny. If it was up to them, Sammy Ameobi would still be getting his game

At least results like this will help Howe realise what it is he needs in the summer.

Fucking hell, let’s just get to the bastard summer

Surprised he’s actually watching it for a change