Ayatollah Hermione

Dele Alli played that second half like a man who realised he’d be in the Championship by the time he’s 30.

Also, all they had left from about an hour onwards was rash, clumsy challenges and not much else. Their back four isn’t great anyway but once Mina went off, they were like a mad wife’s shite. I’d be worried if I was an Everton fan but I’m not so lol lol lol. We’ll have Calvert-Lewin next season, ta

Willock deciding to spark into life into the second half was frustrating again, mind. Can’t be doing with waiting a full 45 minutes for him to accelerate into top speed

Trippier How the fuck do we have him, man?

He’ll go for the hoarding and boot a steward. Nalbandian style

Between Joelinton’s break dancing and Lascelles’ fucking mental 60 seconds, I’ve got a feeling something else radge is going to happen here

Sorry, Wykiki had my phone there for a second

Praying for Chris Wood to elbow his dish into a paste when we play them, the cunt

Jenas fucking desperate to peddle his usual shite about “surviving” like that’s admirable or an achievement in any way. The man is the walking embodiment of mediocrity

That game against Portsmouth at home Was he the one who was hauled off after 15 minutes or was it some other clown?

I’d be fucking amazed if we’re going to slam down £40 million on a midfielder and not start him, like. Especially considering the other options

Get in, made up with that, he’ll get the footballing side shit hot. Did wonders with West Brom and Brighton, not to mention his role in the current England setup.

Shelvey as the furthest one forward so he can take wild pot shots whenever the ball falls outside the box

Fucking hell, was just on about that the other day. Little flick through the trolley looked like it was done without editing and that was the topic of conversation if you’re bothered

The kind of utilitarian first half performance that sneaks you cup final wins at times tbf. Bit of good fortune with Mane bottling the pen as well. You might be alright yet

Was he not at West Ham the year they went down with about 4 future England regulars? Or had he moved to Chelsea before that? ”He’s never had relegation battling experience” is the kind of argument knackers in the press make when they’re touting Allardyce for jobs btw

It might be the optimist in me but I reckon Howe has the stones to drop Lascelles, especially now that Trippier is here as a natural captain. All of his chat about wanting to play out from the back is severely hampered if he plays Lascelles, a bloke who couldn’t trap a bag of cement. Could easily see it being Schar and Burn until the end of the season.

I really wish he could be in the same session as Jeff Hendrick. The look on that gormless cunts face when Bruno started showing what he could would be brilliant. “How did you pass the ball 20 yards forward, Bruno? Teach me your ways”

Someone needs to clip the bit where they’re outside Area 51, or as close as you can get to it anyway. Something comes into view in the sky and he starts jumping about screaming “I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU!” or words to that effect and the look on his face when it turns out to be a bird or a helicopter or something is unbelievable. I’m probably getting some details wrong since it’s been a decade since I watched it but how it hasn’t found it’s place on “Best TV Moments Ever!” countdown shows is a disgrace

Flash in the pan

Jackass 4 - One trillion stars. The men are geniuses of their craft.

Every time we look to be signing an attacker, Keegan’s job should be to watch all of the footage that the scouts did and then give a final judgment, emperor in the colosseum style

Is he a relative or something?

In the Terry Mac role of cone handler and bet layer FFS Ciaoman. Can’t be going around posting 6 seconds before I do and ruining my crack

I’m more of a big ideas man, I’ll let you nerds crunch the numbers