Ayatollah Hermione

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Died, more like

I like how they're complaining about having to wait until half 11 to see them (probably) get battered

I’m not actually going to sit in the house drinking a litre of Baileys to get rat arsed drunk , you headcase

Back to you, Jeff

Aubamayang has completely given up after getting his bumper contract, Willian has flopped and the rest of the team is one-paced shite like Xhaka or young players that are probably going to be good but aren’t there yet like Saka. They can’t create chances but refuse to give Ozil another shot and then Arteta is a young manager and seems a bit naive at this point, bordering on suicidal with the way he had them set up against Spurs. So, essentially, they’re just a bit shit after years of poor transfer judgement and are banking on Arteta eventually coming good.

The Sky punditry 15 seconds of talk about Gayle's goal and then straight to the Man United game

Felt like a game that Gayle would come on and score in, if that makes sense. Possibly because it's against a shite Championship team in waiting.

If he’d have went to Liverpool like rumoured, Klopp would have got a tune out of him. Going forward anyway. We have no hope

Perfect opportunity to attack a fragile side and finish them off early so can't wait to watch us defend for 90 minutes.

I love how all of his photos of Sunderland’s various “delights” were all taken on the same day fucking months ago

I feel like I’ve missed a joke somewhere.

Barbara Windsor. Carry Gone, more like

As if Steve Bruce even understands the high press. I absolutely assure you he shouts “pick a man!” whenever we have to defend.

Samurais are soft as shit. All this crack about honour, I’m preparing a knuckle sandwich as we speak.

I fancy Japan; someone explain the crack of heading over there to me.

FannyShy, more like.

Al start windmilling in a minute

Baileys is £9.50 in Tesco if you have a club card. It’s beginning to look a lot like Pissedmas

If there was one white bloke amongst a group of black blokes, then he probably would have said “the white one” tbf. Luckily for us, footballs systemic racism will never make that a reality from a coaching standpoint.

QPR scored at Millwall and the players took the knee as a celebration. The Millwall fans booed. Just another regular night in 2020

While this reminds me, has anyone else seen that barbers (?) in town called MonkeysFist?

How many times has this sweaty beast demanded a decision now? I’m following in his footsteps and demanding that Penelope Cruz imminently reply to my request to split her whiskers

Was always decent at the end of the season for whatever reason. Possibly because a shop window was in sight.

These all look like trainers you’d be able to buy Niko Bellic on GTA IV

Looks like there’s Wan-Less news presenter doing the rounds now