Ayatollah Hermione

One is a drum roll and the other is something you should never do when supervising at the Paralympics

I’m 30, with no underlying conditions (I hope) so I’m basically resigned to never getting one

Lockdown 2.0, baby. Anybody got a job they can give me to sit on my arse in the house and pretend I’m busy?

I see it’s our fault again. Do this lot take responsibility for anything?

Sure this kid died 6 months ago and I used "You'll Never Croak Alone" then

Strange how Lampard’s one season of not getting Derby promoted hasn’t made him ready for the Chelsea job.

Some of the touches here fuck me

High line against Vardy RIP

Look at the real ale twats here. I’ll drink what I’m given for Christmas, thank you

Feeling better today after a mega sleep so would like to retract my previous statement. Might try and avoid drinking an entire bottle of Kraken next time though.

Nothing anymore. It’s not even the sickness and headaches, it’s the crippling anxiety the next day that’s becoming unbearable.

Up to the lofty heights of 11th

Happy New Year. To another year of relentless pisstaking

MF Doom

Wraith is a total gobshite who has fabricated an entire backstory of pub bouncing and being pally with hard men to enhance his reputation as a boxing promoter IIRC. I think his extent of being friendly with The Krays was writing letters to one of them in prison ( ) because his parents ran a post office and had his P.O. Box or whatever they use. Reading Amazon reviews of his “books” is very insightful

Isn’t Tier 4 essentially a lockdown though? They’re just tarting up the name

Can tell it’s a good night when even Yedlin plays well.

Schools, colleges and Unis still open though. Unbelievable.

I don't even mean to get him scoring goals. I just would love to know what they were doing to make him look decent at anything. Were they rolling the ball at him like he was one of the over 75 priests on Father Ted so he could control it?

Didn’t Allardyce say that the point was a decent result as well? After that came in the last minute IIRC

Makes you wonder who he was alongside at Hoffenheim. We should probably sign him/them if they made him look decent enough to chuck mad money on

It does feel like the end and he's definitely starting to crack but how many times did we say the same of Pardew before he managed to cling on and luck into another string of decent results? If the gap does shorten between us and the bottom teams (which is likely with Burnley getting players back), I could maybe see it but honestly think we'll beat Sheffield United and Palace in the next month or so and that'll be enough. Job done for another year, sign him a few more players in the summer to give the place a lift, rinse, repeat.

Allardyce has, somehow, finally bitten off more than he can chew. Lovely.

“Safe pair of hands” When they’re not shaking with the drink anyway

The main man isn’t about to let Brucie off the hook. The man is a true journo