Ayatollah Hermione

Glad we’ve got Karius’ replacement sorted. Him and Pope could be canny for Trafford to learn from

Wonder if Andros Townsend inherited the tactics truck off his dad, Andy?

Maybe we can replace him with a goalkeeper who can save shots to his right hand side. Can’t really be hard

Southgate panics if he goes over the recommended serving size with his morning cereal, you’ll get caution and you’ll like it

Negative, one-dimensional shite. I expected far more

Maybe John Carver can come up with the tactical tweak of “not let Toni Kroos have 20 yards of space with the ball all the time” if he’s such a genius

Classic case of a bloke who can blag it well but is clearly lacking in some common sense

Credit card has just dropped in today ACTUALLY 😎

Rob Page to waddle in from his time at Wales since it worked so well last time

21 years later for me. And even I feel like a knackered old cunt now. Imagine being Gemmill’s age!

Ian Nacho feels like a signing that could go either way. Could be an inspired choice or he could contribute absolutely fuck all. Not sure there’s a chance he’s just “alright”

Will Still has been confirmed at at Lens so I’m sure they’ll stop the animal rights activism long enough to fire some hatred at him

Body found in the search for Michael Moseley. His diet books have some proper shit recipes in but RIP all the same

Seems strange when we’re dying for an upgrade on the right wing and he’s there to at least try in pre season. Wouldn’t put it past Edwards to just make a rumour up based on the Feyernoord connection though tbf

@ Mainoo’s finish there. Hope they’re getting all this out their system now

About 100 goals between all this attacking talent on not a shot on target to speak of. I think the group games will be generally more open but if you score early and defend well, we struggle to break you down. Which is pretty ridiculous. Especially looking at how many easy crosses and chances have been overhit under no pressure

Foden coming out of form just at the right time. Great

A 1990 Germany style jumper with an NUFC theme. Now that’s the ticket

Just look at how many reshuffles these fuckers have went through. Minister for Children was probably Minister of Transport or some shit 6 weeks ago.

MFs OnlyFans is just him testing out various bondage items, sex hammocks etc and lying there helpless until the authorities have to cut him out. Again.

Aye, they’re down to three and I believe it’s the current St Mirren manager, the current Stockport manager and the ex-AZ manager. Not sure on the last one but since he’s out of work, he’s the one that’ll come in

Gordon will have skinned their full back 4 times in the time it takes Grealish to do his Damien Duff tribute act where he shuffles side to side and knocks it sideways to the left back

Lads, I require that tracksuit top. I’ll never really wear it and I don’t play five a side anymore but that’s capitalism, baby

Some mate that Sunak has for an advisor, mind. Leaving the D-Day commemorations early sounds like the kind of thing you’d tell your mate to do on a wind-up and Sunak is genuinely stupid enough to do it

Probably only the third worst smelling person on the bus