Ayatollah Hermione

I had Leicester, Burnley, the mackems, Stoke and, of all teams, Newcastle fucking United let me down. I had misplaced optimism that we might actually win today. That's 185 quid down the drain.FFS.

aye, you make your own luck when you're down here. They might have spawned two wins but it's six points that they didn't have a month ago.

There is something very broken amongst Middle England. The double chinned, hatchback driving, selfish arseholes.

Learn that the hard way?

There was a time there where I was obsessively eating Nobby's Nuts when Match of the Day was on. I also used to eat a lot of the coated peanuts with the same name.

Wouldn't drink a Unipiper beer. Would have a Unabomber one though. Bet that would blow your head off.

Right, if Lee Charnley doesn't know that the answer to all of those is "no" and is so petrified of making a decision/actually doing some fucking work, we're doomed. Doomed.

Say what you will about Llambias, with him at the helm, it at least felt like there was some semblance of a plan and some direction. You might have disagreed with it but he seemed to have his head screwed on. Now, between Kinnear and Charnley, there seems like nowt. Charnley seems like he can't (or won't) make a decision to save his life either. "Crisis talks" with Pardew achieved nowt, same with Carver, they missed out on targets because of valuation, as soon as he speaks to any manager, they're immediately ruled out of contention. The one thing he's good at is selling players but he's not even good at that when you consider we got less than £10 million for Yanga-Mbwia and Santon, two full internationals going to teams with money to spend. Basically, it's a miracle if we stay up and we address the malaise in any significant way.

Nailed on that Pulis will send some radge derek out to do him in the first 5 minutes and that'll be the last of him.

They have to count up more than that in our "goals conceded" column every week.

A leather jacket so he can go into a controlled slide at roundabouts.

No doubt they're desperately giving Harry Redknapp and Paul Lambert a ring to try and cut a deal.

Carver can't spend much on food. You can get about a week's worth of pies for a tenner in Herons.

The sickness is IN THE DRUGS

Lee Charnley sounds like he's fucking useless at his job.

TBF, I reckon they probably did give the likes of Remi Garde a ring and they probably saw straight through these chancers.

Martha Reeves at evens IMO

When it went down to points, they should have made them take the gloves off and bare knuckle box for another round. If I watch boxing, I want some bloke sparked clean out, not this points business. You wouldn't get that at Wrestlemania.

Sums it up really. Our downfall right in front of the TV cameras.

Absolutely nailed on that they were chuffed to be rid of Pardew, all excited about the likes of Remi Garde being mentioned and then, nah, here's Pardew's fucking useless, pie munching assistant for the rest of the season. Imagine the deflation in that changing room. I'm amazed it took until April for them to completely fuck him off. At least McClaren has won a trophy in Holland. Might get Vurnon Anita to put down his stitcher buckets for five seconds in appreciation.

imagine being a player and hearing that said in public, man? No wonder they're booting people up a height to get out of playing for the arsehole.

I might be worrying now. fuck me, could the results have went any worse for us? Granted, we didn't help ourselves.

tbf, I'm in agreement. Ayoze Perez by himself next season. We'd score more goals.

I knew someone who was playing bass with Ben E King a few years ago and said the bloke was great. Used to pay for all their dinners and drinks after gigs and could tell a good story. Maybe he's clocked the credit card bill from all that and faked his own death.