Ayatollah Hermione

Last month, we exposed the massive gap between the two teams and, had one Joelinton not got injured, 2-0 after 46 minutes would have been a mere prelude. No amount of “hatred” can ever soften the knowledge that we played with them like a lion with a dead gazelle

Longstaff has, by all conventional wisdom, struggled recently but he’s also beaten his best goalscoring season with 3 month to go. This is a team of contradictions and impossible to figure out

Conference League would be class because it’s a knocking bet we’d be favourites to win the cunt. Also, mad away trips to Estonia

Mind, Gibbs-White had yet another good game, I thought. He was playing lethal balls to set them away. Antony Gordon would love him in the midfield…

Not sure about Liverpool and Man Utd. Man Utd have Hojlund and Liverpool can score from all over. Also, despite appearing like a total donkey, Nunez has something like 12 goals and 12 assists in all competitions this year. He’s nowhere near as shit as memes paint him out to be. And we all know Chelsea will sign the wrong player for £100 million so looks like Toney to Arsenal is happening

It’ll be Sesko and you’ll like it. Especially when we’re all singing Thong Song to him

These have a goal or two in them so I’m plumping for 5-3, Wilson to finally get back in the goals and this game to be nailed on for my Over 2.5 goals bet

I was once on the Munich stadium tour and the guide asked me and my mates who we supported. Told him Newcastle and he went “ah, big club, big stadium” but just with a German accent. I can’t recall stopping the tour in its tracks so I could fire the beacons up and inform the rest of the Geordie Nation that a bloke in Munich thinks we’re a big club

He was obviously very good when we got him but he’s another one that Howe has improved. Further proof that he can make the mediocre good and the good great

I noticed that Shameless from one of the Bilbao Black Cats to act like that

I think we sacked the useless cunt that was behind it. Hopefully this new head physio is a bit more switched on

It also gives you the option to introduce Miley or Longstaff alongside Bruno when you need some legs in midfield

Wilson was like final season Shearer at times but Shearer had the excuse of being about 36

Could definitely do with a five at the back imo. We absolutely need to stop this flow of goals, it’s meaning we have to score at least twice every time out

Burn and old man Dubravka in a tag team of lead feet

Feels like some unnecessary pressure on Burn but hope he has another good game obviously. And then the miseries can move on to complaining about risking Gordon

Is 4 the one that has quite a black cast? There’s your explanation for people hating it

Sean “I’ll play for a point” Dyche is back, I see. A turgid affair

I watch one of the seasons every two years but onto Season 3 now and Fargo is consistently excellent. Season 3 was released in 2017 which shows how long it takes me to watch things. Noah Hawley’s shows scratch that sweet spot of style and substance and I’m looking forward to seeing what he does with Alien. When I watch it in 2028

Wonderbar is dogshit but people lap it up and I actually think it’s what most people expect when they hear Newcastle is a great night out. Last work night out, I ended up in Mayfair which was similarly shit but everyone else seemed to like it. That’s just by The Gate, it was Sam Jacks

I’m not sure you can read too much into Howe publicly defending one of his players. Having said that, it wouldn’t surprise me if Burn does start and he’s hoping he can play his way into form. He did similar with Wilson last year and probably persisted two games or so too long

I might genuinely read that and report back with any mentioned MLF influence

Tag @sammynb next time

I thought Barbie did what it set out to fairly well but it was definitely desperate to tell you how clever it really was. No wonder Fish likes it

They’ve barely printed any money with his face on and Charles could be on the way out already