Ayatollah Hermione

Just checked the Topman site. They are 199 variations of chinos in that shop.

True. Big hair, daft pout, I'm out.

BTW, it's a fucking nightmare going anywhere else in the city, talking to people my age and have them rabbit on about Geordie Shore for the entire conversation. People lap this shit up because it glamourises their "aspire to buy the latest chinos and drink shit cocktails" life. My generation is categorically shit.

Catching up with some 2011 releases. Starting with The Weeknd's House of Balloons which is incredible. Sounds a lot like The Dream but a bit seedier and with some fine guitaring at times. Marissa Nadler's self-titled is a nice little female folk album; very easy to listen to, some interesting and nice melodies but a bit hit and miss as a full album. Revisiting The King is Dead by The Decemberists and I think they'll find some value in my life as continuing to send up REM long after they're gone. Probably their weakest effort but there's a good EP in there somewhere.

Oh no

That first Leazes post I'm in stitches.

Sorry mate but Resident Evil's story is baffling nonsense at times. Resident Evil 4 is probably a better game than Saints Row 3, granted but the plot of that stuff is crazy. In fact, I'd go as far to say only a handful of video games have had compelling plots. Mass Effect has a great universe but ME2 sort of let it down. Early Silent Hill games are good for it and Planescape is canny. Majority of them are really silly conceits played straight.

I'd let her off for that shitty Zack and Miri film

Because you all should have done. Basically, you play John Tanner, a detective who gets involved in a dangerous crash at the start of the game, is taken to hospital and has severe brain damage as the rest of the games plays out in his head as he goes around stopping criminals and assisting the police with his black stereotype friend. The key mechanic is "shifting" where you can jump between your car and any other car on the road. So, if you're chasing someone, you switch to a car in oncoming traffic and smash it into the criminal. Why the game remains so enjoyable is that it builds and builds on that original premise as each chapter goes on (about 8 in total) and each mission, you do (there are stunt missions where you have to drive like you're in Bullitt, race missions where you assume the role of a nerdy Chinese person who can't drive but is racing anyway etc) has a steady progression in difficulty where you're using everything you've learned. What also makes it great is that there is no mystery to the whole "insane detective in a hospital bed" thing, the audience knows straight up and it makes everything really funny because this plays out like a 70s buddy cop drama which is clearly everything your character has ever hoped for and he's the wise-cracking detective who has all the answers. This was criminally slept-on; it's just the right length if you stick to the story missions but there's tons of optional content to play which unlocks cars and challenges. The driving is really tight and the shifting is incredibly fun once you get it right. Graphically, it's good and there's multiplayer too but multiplayer is probably dead on it right now and really wasn't needed. I saw something on HotUKDeals about this being cheap somewhere so pick it up. One of my favourites from the past year for sure.

It's exactly the same as the PS2 GTA's only taken to their logical conclusion on next gen. Don't kid yourself that those PS2 GTAs weren't immature and stupid. BTW, 2Bias, if you can sit through the plots of Resident Evil games without tearing your hair apart, surely you can appreciate a game where you can wear a shark outfit and ride a segway around and do the macarena. Games aren't meant to be taken seriously anyway. The industry's biggest seller is Modern Warfare and that's basically written by a bunch of 15 year old military fetishists who have no idea how the real world works and think that explosions and badly put-together assassination plots are cool where you leap across giant mountains on a snowmobile. One of the games industries biggest sellers is a cartoon plumber who tries to save his girlfriend from a big dinosaur. Another one is an incomprehensible story about templars and assassins where you can leap off a 250 foot tall building into a pile of hay and survive. In days gone by, Lara Croft would fight dinosaurs, yetis and enter mystical dimensions to fight off little green people. A little elf boy with no official sword training will save the day from a tyrannical genius with help from a talking tree and a boomerang. Metal Gear Solid is so ridiculous I won't even start. Resident Evil, I'm fairly sure, is designed by insane Japanese prisoners of war who have watched too many Twilight Zone episodes. My point is, more games should embrace the inherent stupidity involved in video games. Saints Row does and is great and if you're not playing a video game over concerns of its stupidity then have a word.

I'll probably get a Wii U as I imagine it'll be as easy to softmod as the Wii. Playstation Move would be good fun if it was just nothing but light-gun games I can dive around my living room to. They should port Ghost Squad but throw in even more stupid unlockables. That Sports Champions disc golf game is fun though, if a tad slight on courses. In fact, if there was downloadable Disc Golf courses, me and my friends would have supported it. With regards to Nintendo consoles, they fucking LOVE peripherals. They're well aware of every shortcoming but they'll throw something in later on that you need to buy to utilise 2 controllers. Like when they waited two years to give you the ability to speak over their ridiculously shit online system through an overpriced microphone and then only gave it compatibility in a few games. Or the Gameboy Advance connector that was only really useful in Zelda games.

Reggae Rocky Dennis © The Big Sam

whats it like hating fun?

Aye, they'll be queuing up in droves for that one.

Let me just describe my last mission. I met up with a contact of mine; a pimp who can only speak through a blinged out voice box which makes everything he says auto-tuned, and his plan to get back at a gang full of samurais is to disguise me as a gimp so I can infiltrate a brothel and wipe out everyone in there. I wake up, naked as the day as I was born and clearly drugged up to the gills. My auto-tune pimp man meets me, gives me all my guns back and we have to fight our way out. In the main auditorium, there's snipers who are looking to shoot me in the balls so the only tactic I have is to get close to them, jump at them and break their neck with the sheer force of my gigantic genitals/DDT them like The Rock. Fighting on my side is a group of angry prostitutes brandishing 4 foot long dildos and as they help me through, I reach a security panel that lets me "Release the Ho's" Doing so opens some cages and angry ho's run out and get stuck into the remaining gang members. Once they're all wiped, I (still naked) have to fight a genetically engineered 9 foot tall, 5 foot wide brick shithouse of a gang member, who is carrying a mini gun. To kill him, I have to lure him next to some explosive canisters, shoot them and blow him to bits. All while naked. Buy this game.

That Boateng goal is lush. Is there any highlights of all the games available online?

That's what multiple save files are for, man What are the benefits of getting married btw? Can I only go questing once every fortnight?

Ashley Cole isn't the player he was either (though still good obviously) but aye, if he's out, as you say, we should be looking to do them at home. Ben Arfa hattrick of headers.

Don't go destroying the Dark Brotherhood. Got to have those cheevos, bro. Still too busy running around dressed as a bright green killer rabbit to play this, sadly.

If the Toon don't beat Chelsea, I'll honestly be disappointed. They look like they could be outdone by anything atm. It's a game where even Leon Best simply making a nuisance of himself to their centre halves will have a massive impact.

Thought to myself when watching it that they looked shit scared of him at times like. Once him, Cabaye and Ba get a good understanding, I'm looking forward to our attacking play.

I know we are

Used Lucien and he got chinned all over by the other lot. I have no luck with my companions. I've got that mace quest ready to go so it's a case of finishing it when I get back on. Hitting people with big rubber dildos is proving too much fun though. And that's before I turn my Xbox on, wahey

If we're talking potential bosmans, I'd rather have Hoilett.

As an aside, I once saw a Jew trying to haggle with a shop assistant in Woolworths to get a GameBoy Colour for cheaper. The things you remember.