Kitman

Compared with some of the fuckers on N-O, Baggio's tongue isn't that close to Ashley's intestines. Aye, it's grim on there atm

Baggio must be the Ashley regime's number 1 apologist

An artist's impression of his alleged victim?

Done diddly done

Nauseating. I wished I hadn't read that. In common with most of oliver's stuff in fact.

Of course not. Barton is a despicable thug who should be forced to eat his own testicles. Stevie G is the stuff that Sky TV's dreams are made of. It'll all be shown to be a terrible misunderstanding* *provided enough cash changes hands

Stop using the tabloids for PR?

Unfortunately I suspect his version of taking the club forward will be to continue to recruit promising youngsters to the academy and neglect the first team. And give the Fuckin' Fuckster a longer contract to demonstrate his relegation beating prowess while the better/higher paid players leave. Hope I'm wrong.

Bit strong like. You can't blame Dick Van Dyke for being hopelessly miscast as a cockernee

No doubt Gerrard will get his customary goal against us, so the tabloids can wank themselves stupid over his greatness and the wondrousness of the Prem, till their knobs drop off. He'll do well to get the better of Butt You're quite right, I'd forgotten about the our legenday ginger slapheed. I bet Gerrard throws a sickie just to avoid playing against him

I expect Owen would make far more money out of a free transfer at the end of the season. Not that it's all about the money of course, he'd have more choice of clubs potentially too. So I can't see him leaving just cos Fat Mike fancies a quick buck

No doubt Gerrard will get his customary goal against us, so the tabloids can wank themselves stupid over his greatness and the wondrousness of the Prem, till their knobs drop off.

Couldn't agree more with every word. He'll be laying off staff, buying dirt cheap stock and having bargain sales asap ...but he's said he's a true fan! That means he's going to see that we need some quality and start using the healthy income the club has to recruit some top players. After all, these scouts were more important than our Messiah Manager...he MUST have a plan to let these boys show what they can do! I can't wait for the good times to start at St James's. WOO HOO!! For a second there I thought you were serious 'Ave a 'eart me ole China, it''s cam straight from ver 'orses maff. Would he lie to us? Damn those fake cockernees

Couldn't agree more with every word. He'll be laying off staff, buying dirt cheap stock and having bargain sales asap ...but he's said he's a true fan! That means he's going to see that we need some quality and start using the healthy income the club has to recruit some top players. After all, these scouts were more important than our Messiah Manager...he MUST have a plan to let these boys show what they can do! I can't wait for the good times to start at St James's. WOO HOO!! Well you've convinced me

For 'club run responsibly' read 'I will mostly be spending fuck all money at any stage'. My take on it is that he couldn't find a mug to pay the ridiculously inflated price he wanted, so he's going back to running the club like one of his discount stores. Woop-de doo's all around

I'm sure the players are heartened by JFK's assessment of our chances......

To nobody's great surprise, I imagine.

I did the BBC predictor and had us 7th after the next 3 games (W,D,W). Mind you I had been drinking heavily.

Shocked tbh. Why would a fine upstanding bastion of journalism like the Daily Mail want an ill informed cliche ridden purveyor of jellied tripe?

Personally I think he has no intention of staying, whether we qualify for Europe or not. He will want to play in the Champions League, recapture his England place, and win trophies, all of which rules us out frankly. Our club is run like a pub football team by comparison with a top club, so I don't blame him for being ambitious and wanting away. I wouldn't be surprised if he went abroad again, with the free transfer making it attractive to foreign clubs. This 'let's leave for now, lads' is a stalling tactic essentially, designed to keep the press and fans off his back, whilst his management team get on with the business of lining up his next move. I think he'll stay till the end of the season, as he wants a free transfer anyway.

Can no-one see the danger? He'll spray Ralgex on Barton's jockstrap for a laugh, and Joey will pummel his face to a bloody pulp in a frenzied attack.....

I wonder how much longer he's got left in the top flight. All these injuries and illnesses take their toll, he's nearly 30, and his game depends on pace. I think he'll always be a nearly man now.

If it wasn't flu, it'd be something else. He'd stub his toe and it would swell up to the size of a melon, requiring 6 months of treatment to return it to normality. I'm just happy I don't see his name on our injury list these days (along with fellow perma crocks Carr and Baba).

From Football 365. He always finds a way.... Illness will further delay West Ham midfielder Kieron Dyer's return from a long-term injury. The 29-year-old has been out of action since breaking a leg in August 2007 but was nearing a return to first-team action and played in a behind-closed-doors reserves match last week. His comeback was shortlived, however. He had to be substituted at half-time because of a virus, and it means he has no chance of being in the squad for Saturday's Barclays Premier League match at home to Aston Villa. Two weeks ago, Dyer revealed he was targeting a return over the busy Christmas period - but it now looks as though he will have to wait a little longer. "He's not ready yet," said West Ham assistant manager Steve Clarke. "He played his first game last week but had to come off at half-time because he was suffering from the flu. "That was last Thursday, and today was his first day back at training - so where he was this time last week, he's now further back because he's missed so much training from being ill. "I spoke to him today, and he's not so chipper because he's recovering from the flu and is a bit down. "He's been out a long time, and I think any player who's been out a long time starts to feel a little bit down." Dyer had three operations on the broken leg sustained in the Carling Cup match against Bristol Rovers, less than a fortnight after he joined the Hammers from Newcastle. He was closing in on a return at the beginning of this season but then suffered a stress fracture in training, which ruled him out for another three months. Progress has been frustratingly slow for the attacking midfielder, but he is likely to have to wait until the new year for a return as Clarke stressed the importance of not rushing him back. "We hope he can see some light at the end of the tunnel," said Clarke. "We need to get some match fitness into him, so we can welcome him back when he's ready. "It's important that it's when he's ready and not before he's ready - because then he'll pick up more injuries. "He had no reaction from the game injury-wise, but we didn't see him for six days after the game - so for me, that's a bad reaction."

Nice to see we'll be shopping in the bin end section this January. I wonder if Dean Windass is available?