Dazzler

Ah well if Burnsie is reporting it then it's not happening. Just another Casey him, plus he was on the telly chasing aliens which I don't recall Casey doing.

The elite defenders thread is for mocking rubbish defenders. Don't sully it with legitimately good statistics.

"Okay which one you put this in the suggestion box? 'Buy a couple of second hand wheelie bins off eBay and stick some ice cubes in it. Bosh, cold dip.'" *Tea stirring intensifies with Charnley sweating into Nuno Santos peppermint infusion*

Because they are all in their 30s

"Winless in his last eight games" - Is Penfold the CEO at Al Ettifaq? Only he extends contracts of managers overseeing such excellent form.

What kind of headband was he wearing? This determines the level of bandage requirement.

You've somehow managed to achieve the impossible by making me have some semblance of sympathy for Simon Jordan with that comparison

Well, I'm slightly less conflicted about the wank I just knocked out to the picture now.

At this point Starmer and labour need to do no work other than knock up a slogan that reads "I'm slightly less of a cunt than him" and he wins by a landslide.

Aye, in the scenario laid out above we'd basically be back to having regular derbies, but in league one and the johnstone paint trophy or whatever it's called

Probably stuck them sausage fingers up there in an effort to remove a gerbil and caused significant trauma to the owld back passage.

"It's worked for Levy lads, I think it's a good plan. We'll sell Bruno, Isak and Botman whilst we're asset stripping as well."

"Den why doesn't she fuckin' commentate on fuckin' legal proceedings den, la? Coz she's never played a game of mens footy in her life, mate. She's only played for the England bairds*, and dat doesn't even count coz dey've never even won any'in of merit, la. Other than making a bairds* World Cup final, and winning the bairds* Euros. Plus, lad, plus she looks like Fred West, mate. Despite being both a different gender, and a different race, la. Fuckin' tell 'er I said dat as well, mate. Tell her to stop bein' a fanny and get out 'er 'ouse and do some solicitor shit, and leave the footy to the blokes who played at the top level. One full cap for England me, mate plus time in the nick for batterin' a kid. Can she even do a French accent, la? I can." *Birds in a scouse accent - fuck off.

I've mentioned it before but I got a ban on twitter for violating their T&Cs (pre-Musk) for calling someone a 'spacka'. The account I called it was posting EDL rhetoric, using the P word to describe people of middle eastern descent with impunity and shared Britain First propaganda on a daily basis. I forget the twitter handle now, but I would be willing to bet it's still going - mine was hooked, as once my two weeks were up on my initial ban I tweeted the account calling them a grass and thought the EDL boys had thicker skin - they grassed me again and my account was permanently suspended

Then a week later you awaken in a crack den, stinking of piss and shit, your phone and wallet missing, a burning sensation in and around your member. You wander home and your missus asks where you've been and all you can come up with is:

There aren't really consequences for the cunts making people's life a misery online though, especially if they are 'famous' cunts like Barton. Even if he gets a ban on Twitter (Which 'famous' cunt Musk won't do) he'll just fuck off and spew his bile on Trumps fucking truther app and still get spots on sucker offer of 'famous' cunts podcasts like James English etc. The consequence for people like Barton is that he's basically spelling the end of his involvement in football - he'll never get another manager job or be a pundit - but he's already made a fortune out of the game so probably doesn't care. Now he'll become the next alt-right beacon of hope and selective truth/outright lies and grift a few more bob out of the incels that buy into it until he's outed as yet another horrific raper like his boys Brand and Tate.

Beat me to it. Bastard.

FYP

He doesn't want help by the sounds of it though. He's pretty much bragged about having his bairn taken away because he can't stop drinking, taking sniff and rifling (what I presume are minging) slags.

If this is real then we've either decided to act against FFP and have what we need to challenge the PL (or expect to be more than 10 points clear at the top of the table by the time we get pulled about it) or our CEO has been talking absolute shite about our financial situation following the latest set of accounts - or we finally found Mike Ashley's secret bank accounts that he used for Dhillon's chippy whenever he was up north.

This one remains undefeated:

If we somehow managed to convince him to come here (even in the summer tbf), then it would suggest that we've either been telling porkies about our position re: FFP or we're flat out not arsed about it/plan to challenge it and have the receipts.

Kimmich, as in one of the best midfielders in the world? Surely not - He earns over £300k a week, I doubt he'd take a pay cut and would have teams much more able to meet his wage demands than us in for him should he be wanting a move in Jan.