Monkeys Fist

You should try using a knife to slice your salads, instead of a hacksaw

The fish is Straight Outta Iceland too. Although to be fair to the Granny Banger, he'll claim his post only states the potato chunks are homemade.

" Brace yourself Love, the incontinence pads are warming in the microwave- it's nearly mushroom time!"

The family's away for the week. He's got 80yr old Dot round for tea and lovin'. Working her up into a right froth

How can they answer while you're pushing their faces into the pillow?

Quite possibru.

Gemmill sweating a bit, now. " What's all this about a new toyboy, Gran?"

" I'm not eating this muck,Nurse, it's not been microwaved" " That's a suppository, you ginger oaf" " "

"Couldn't find a tanning shop, so bought some creosote instead. I must say, Sunderland Burns Unit is very nice "

Does CT balance a cherry tomato on his gunt whilst he's cooking away?

It'll be a good chance for Mr. Ashley to gauge how far we've come since he implemented the "Arsenal model" for running us.

They'll soon be back to their whining when Man U announce Rodgers as their new gaffer at the end of the season

Isn't it , hmm?

For a moment I thought I'd opened the Belta Minge thread.

Got a Zoom lens, has it?

Is it set in Boldon?

Story of your life

You will if you start tearing the neck off it.

Make a sculpture of a chicken. Made of chicken.