Monkeys Fist

Welcome to the 1980s

Mrs. F. has gone out with Fistlette for a punishment shop...... ..... leaving me with Fist Jr. who has decided that I must, without delay, be told the name and background of every one of his 100+ toy cars. The little Cathflap

Before we'd left the pub, we'd all agreed it was Uncle Monty's wake. " Come on lads, let's get home, the sky's beginning to bruise, night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. "

To be fair to Ant's sense of disgruntlement , it was 12:30. hoy oot.

This. 100 % Clearly.

In my defence, the pub had a big fuck off sign- " All pints £ 1:50. Have a Good Friday" Blame absolved.

Nah, she's an absolute star tbh, a day in the doghouse at worst. By tomorrow all will be shiny and happy.

Walks in house. Apologises Heads for bed Ignores Mrs. F's howls of protest. " DON'T YOU DARE GO TO BED!" Too late petal, I spent the journey home weighing up the bed/no bed debate Nothing she can throw at me is worse than than not going to bed this instant.

Shit. Just woken up on the sofa at my pal's house . Fuck you Malt Whisky. Fuck you. This will cost me , massively. I have 10 missed messages from Mrs. F. Women , in general, are Catherine's. I'm 44. FFS.

I'm off out to meet some old mates for a pint or four.

Don't reply!! Not for a day or two at least.

Your fat brain was clearly clogged with all that bread.

Mmmmmmmm ...... toasted dreams.

Aye, I'd worked that out you wobbling clown How about ..... " Less taste than a cardboard box? Not seen your dick in years? We will deliver to your armchair. (Free shovel with every order over 20kg). "

One of our boys is on there, separating the men from the boys

Trusted customer?

Why would Shola ask Bolton for a testimonial, you knacker?

Have your nuts crept back out of your stomach yet since reading it Tooner?

"That's Co-Lin, not Colin. "

£ 150 bin. Is working class. Yup.

It's been excellent whenever I've been , too. You realise this means you'll probably get food poisoning now

Wife insists on only top dollar , organic , corn-fed, free range, daily massaged chicken.… … then buys Mattesons Smokies.