Monkeys Fist

Anyone know any good bars in Newbury that are showing the match?

Ffs Steven.

Is your van called Callum?

Team “bonding” session?

BTW’d YP.

Aye, Wor Adam scoring on Valentine’s Day is pushing the bounds of reality.

She needs to be careful- he’s got a reputation with pigs.

I assume this a teabag-only pot?

I’ll be disappointing the hell out of Mrs. F.

I’m waaay ahead of you

Btw I’ll be strutting in to the Love Parlour tonight in my silk kimono, leopard skin thong, with a pot of lube and this below blasting out.

This Mortal Coil did what is easily my favourite version of this. Also one of the few songs where you can make out more than three words from Wor Lizzy.

Who’d he play for?

League Leaders…

Different Leauygue, marrow.

I bet his mam was a Goth.

Is that Keith Huntly, the famous detective who caught the notorious Irn Bru Bandits, Banks O’Dee and Buckie Thistle?

When we battered them?

He used to come out with “factoids”, which he used to describe little facts. A factoid actually means an incorrect fact, but his use of it has now grown to the point where everyone uses it, making the word factoid its own factoid. Never liked the cunt.

An hour of that little shitweasel should turn any floating voters well away from the Torys though.

Having just watched Only Connect, I now know we needn’t worry about climate change. If my maths is correct, and growth is consistent, within 20 years the entire planet will be replaced by Victoria Coren’s tits. What a way to go.

How long did it take for your schoolmates to beat the accent out of you?

Hi Luke. We all think you’re really great. Lol, laterz!

Time to invest in Piz Buin.