Monkeys Fist

Only if you can find one

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o' the pudding-race! Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm : Weel are ye wordy o'a grace As lang's my arm. The groaning trencher there ye fill, Your hurdies like a distant hill, Your pin wad help to mend a mill In time o'need, While thro' your pores the dews distil Like amber bead. His knife see rustic Labour dight, An' cut you up wi' ready sleight, Trenching your gushing entrails bright, Like ony ditch; And then, O what a glorious sight, Warm-reekin', rich! Then, horn for horn, they stretch an' strive: Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive, Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve Are bent like drums; Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive, Bethankit! hums. Is there that owre his French ragout Or olio that wad staw a sow, Or fricassee wad make her spew Wi' perfect sconner, Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view On sic a dinner? Poor devil! see him owre his trash, As feckless as wither'd rash, His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash; His nieve a nit; Thro' bloody flood or field to dash, O how unfit! But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed, The trembling earth resounds his tread. Clap in his walie nieve a blade, He'll mak it whissle; An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned, Like taps o' thrissle. Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care, And dish them out their bill o' fare, Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware That jaups in luggies; But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer Gie her a haggis! By which time the haggis, neeps and tatties will be clay-cold

Giggedee

Thought that was great. Same writers as Royle Family wasn't it? It was intended to be but it ended up being Craig Cash and Phil Mealey (Joe and Duffy) as Caroline Aherne moved to America around then so wasn't involved I think. Probably for the best (nothing against her like) because it was just about perfect imo. Ahh, see what you mean.Agree too Can't remember the character names, but the couple Mark Benton played the bloke in were class.

Are they what Leazes means by "ragheads" *dons flak jacket*

The goals are too big. True, but that doesn't excuse the terrible reflexes, inability to catch a ball and lack of presence in the box. Honestly, they're about as good as me. I'd love to see either Richard Keys or Andy Gray on loose women. Probably just my sick mind, but that last line made me retch.

Thought that was great. Same writers as Royle Family wasn't it?

You wouldn't Andy, really?

Sexy natives mind.

He should go to the family meeting , get a hold of a niece/nephew and get amongst it. Any complaints to Pope Adolf.

Winner. Close the thread.

The mental image!

My bad. I clicked the link and it took me to my post. Twilight zone.

You referring to this Ginge?

Kevin, Toughguy and Deadman. With Leazes joining halfway through.

McDonalds style though; This is what's on the packing crates smuggled over; This is what's inside

To Pennywell and beyond!

Mong TV.

The Black Door at the Biscuit Factory. ( just over the railway from the Tanners) Excellent. Is that where Barn Again (or its successor) is/was? Loved that place when it was up by the ground, though I realise that's going back a bit now. That rings a bell tbh. Barn Again was the mutts nuts. Edit; Aye, it's where Barn Again was.

They have conveyor belts which transport the baby veals direct from minge to mincer. Bastards.

Lies I heard McDonalds bred chickens that laid tubular eggs but their arseholes where so large that their guts fell out. Bastards.

The Black Door at the Biscuit Factory. ( just over the railway from the Tanners) Excellent.

The banner It's there. It's always there.

Bollocks , quoted the wrong parky bit. Meant the Italy bit obv.