Monkeys Fist

I’d have thought he’d call it Wapumzel.

“ The latest figures show mental health amongst men aged 18-70 on wearside has deteriorated at an alarming rate . “Get on the blower to Comrade Bin Salaman, a couple of friendlies should finish them off.” “ What’s his WhatsApp again?”

The bloke has obviously succumbed to wheymentia after years of inhaling pocket cheese fewms. Same thing took our sweet prince, essembee.

Tommy Wright!

Fwow down your hairng!

You missed a few ‘a’s so I fixed it

Pumpkins are very orange- you’re safe.

What’s to work out like?

I beg your pardon?

Not the song we want to adopt like

“ Cos'è questa "Colazione per Tutto il Giorno di Spoons, Sandro"? "Aiuta con il secondo album* amore mio" * see above

Offset by her tatty bush.

Whilst we’re at it, I wonder if Mrs Tonali has finished her “second album”?

I mean, we all know how, don’t we?

I think you’ll find the two runners-up mentioned above were playing low tier teams and only managed 5 goals… between them.

Mackem monorail. Imagine…

Yes*, yes*, yes*, and yes*. *no *no *no *lift my arse off the seat

“The Express was not prepared to comment on Shepherd's imprisonment.”

Fucking sitters man.

They missed the ‘g’ off his name, didn’t they?

Oh god… if that happens we’ll need to book time on the James Webb Telescope to measure the furthest reaches of Gemma’s ego.

Klopp, homeless behind SJP, scrounging tab-ends from the bins. “ Sorry!”

These last few (hundred) pages man, it must be absolutely fucking miserable being a mackem* … … if it was any other club you’d honestly have a bit of sympathy for them, but these are such a rancid pack of slavering cunts that they can stew(art Donald) in it for decades for all I care. * Yes