Monkeys Fist

If someone asked me to do that I’d laugh my cock off.

I had to write and amend RAMS for my work on the ropes, so know toilet paper when I see it. That wasn’t even the best fuck up. Opening paragraph states that at no point can the vehicle be moved until the check is completed. When we start our shift, the vans are backed up to the loading bay. To complete a full check, you need to drop the rear step, inspect the rear plate, and test the rear door locks.… … which can only be done by moving the van off the bay.

I’m actively looking elsewhere

They worded it as “fraudulently completing a legal document”. It’s because it’s a legal requirement to check your screenwash before your shift. She made a big show of this, frequently referring to “breaking the law” and “legally required” in her opening statements. Mate asked which laws it broke, “for reference, naturally” She didn’t know, wouldn’t admit to that, so adjourned after like 5 minutes Didn’t get any better for her. Utter clownshoes.

It was to do with checking the screenwash levels in my daily check. They said I had to pop the bonnet to do it. Their MS only mentions screenwash once, and then it’s to say that the vehicle will inform you when it’s low with a warning light on the dash. They said they had it on camera that I hadn’t popped the bonnet. We repeated that it wasn’t necessary and mate also said that CCTV can only be used if their is/was a security threat to store or employees, as stated in their company policy. There wasn’t, so no evidence. The vehicle check MS also breaks its own instructions multiple times. Because of that, he questioned their right to apply it in disciplinary proceedings, as following it would make you break their own rules. This took over three hours with numerous adjournments whilst they checked their facts, and clearly realised they were stuffed. Glorious stuff to see.

The translation for the German word for nipple is “Chest Warts”.

In other news, I was almost sacked today, but a former union rep colleague helped me destroy the case of the company based on their own procedure documentation that I was accused of not following, and them not following their own disciplinary guidelines. It was fucking magnificent seeing him in action tbh, listening to their statement, baiting his hook, letting them have a nibble, putting better bait on.… nibble nibble, then dropping a fucking bomb in the water. I won’t be staying long, I think.

Rule 170 and Rule H2 of the Highway Code https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/road-junctions.html

How else am I meant to keep my hookers fresh?

This is the southbound approach to Gosforth High St. The “cycle lane” is shared by buses and taxis, I.E. the two prime examples of radge bastards in charge of a vehicle, not to mention the size of buses.

More specifically, pantomime.

Do you have a go-pro on? It’s now law that you must not pass vulnerable road users at a distance less than 2m. https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/using-the-road-overtaking.html

People mistake the speed limits as an instruction to drive at that speed, as opposed to a maximum that you should be doing. Road conditions, weather, visibility, other road users are all variables that should reduce that speed … if you’re not a wankpanzer kommandant.

Aye, and he’s asking what you call a Chinese lass with a Kenwood Chef on her head. Then he’s telling you. I never said he was Chinese. DO YOU THINK THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME????? Leported So, a snake walks in to a bar and the barman says, ” How’d you do that?”

What do you call a Chinese lass with a Kenwood Chef on her head? wibble.

Dyslexia isn’t somehting to joek abuot.

Piracy has caused the price of wheat to spiral across the Caribbean. It’s a buck an ear.

I can’t believe you’ve done this, you utter Basseterre’d.

I made a killing flogging dodgy payment protection plans to the fine citizens of Trenchtown. PPI rates of the Caribbean

I hope you feel suitably high levels of self loathing for this one.

Also, terrible mackem accents

I took a pair of pants to a tailor in Jamaica and said, ” Eumenides?” He said, ” Fuck off mate, wrong joke.”

This time he’s angry

Time to move on.