Monkeys Fist

Not anymore he won’t. Zelensky gave Putin a proper spanking with their outstanding coordinated drone strike on Russia’s bomber fleet. Reading that many of the planes he destroyed can’t be replaced as they’re no longer in production, even parts for repair are rarer than a washed mackem. This is Zelensky today, shaking hands with Russia’s Head of Security Service and giving him a “fuck you” grin

She looks about 12… Get thee south 12 miles , sharpish

Took the kids for a late lunch in Berwick on a trip up there a few years ago. They wanted Pizza so we ended up in a place called Limoncellos just down from the Main Street. Were seated, menus dumped on the table, and we waited for someone to take our drinks order. And waited And waited. 20 minutes later I physically grabbed a waiter passing our table and gave our drinks order. Drinks came 10 minutes later, dumped on table, no food order taken from us though. Again, after a daft wait, I grabbed a waiter and gave them our food order. Over an hour later the food turned up! Mine came first, mussels in tomato and chilli , on spaghetti. Over half of them were closed, so before the waiter had time to fuck off, I pulled him and pointed out that half my dish was inedible. He said, “ No, it’s fine, you can still eat them “ I disagreed, strongly. The daft cunt stuck with his idiocy and when he realised I wasn’t budging, he picked out several of the dead ones and opened them with a spoon, offering them to me to smell. Yes, that’s right, the fucking dodge pot STUCK HIS FINGERS IN TO MY PASTA and fished out about three of the dead ones I just looked at Mrs. F who gave the sideways “let’s fuck off” nod, just as the rest of the food arrived. Up we got, I ushered the family out, then told boyo that if he hadn’t stuck his clammy paws in my meal, I’d have waited for a fresh one, but since he did, he could take the whole lot back and fucking whistle for the round of drinks.

I give it a week and a half, so 7 working days, before Yorkshire Happiness has called one of his new colleagues a cunt in here Good luck with it Wykiki.

What’s the worst food you’ve had served up to you? ( Post piss-up kebab nonsense doesn’t count- they’re always dire) When I was working fitting ductwork, we went to the site canteen at Addenbrookes on the first day to try it out. “ Meat Pie, Chips and Peas” Hmm, I’ll ask what meat it is, what’s the worst that it could be, thunk I. Asked- “ It’s just meat pie luv” Oh -oh! Served up, looked fairly standard site canteen fare, chips were obviously cooked in old oil as they were dotted with black bits, but I thought “ Had worse…” Sat down, cut the pie open, and as I was thinking the exact same thing, the lads sitting next to me said “ What the fuck is that?” Chunks, not cubes, chunks that had just been hacked off, of pale pink, slimy looking pork luncheon meat (cheap Spam), we’re looking back at me in a pool of instant gravy. But that wasn’t the worst. It should have been on the menu as “Mixed Meat Pie” In equal amounts to the pink chunks, were crispy edged slices of what was clearly at least yesterday’s kebab meat, that had been sitting in the hot tray all day after being carved off… … then hoyed in with its pink mate to make this fucking abomination- no onions or other superfluous veg to get in the way of whatever the fuck this “meat” combo tasted like either. It looked like a meat version of Rocky Road Chocolate slice, Took it back to the counter and asked for a refund and the cheeky cunts said there nothing wrong with it! I said “ Ok then, if there’s nothing wrong with it, you have a bite of it, otherwise I’ll have my money, thanks.” Refunded.

Booo!

“we're not one of those places where people throw up a new thread for every point.” Correct

Fixed.

At least when the end came, it was tranquil.

Can I give you a bell next week just before I put the lottery on?

Aye, I’m sure you could have done without that diagnosis. Was it something you were aware of or did it come totally out of the blue?

I generally use www.whyaiman.co.uk for all my NUFC related environmentally disastrous picture generation.

Sent. Check your pm’s gents.

In The Cage?

I’ve just got home from a rare evening out with Mrs. F. and a couple of friends. Local curry emporium, four pints of Kingfisher, absolutely fit to drop We attempted a drink afterwards at the Scotsman, but gave up as it’s a fucking zoo.

They might have a Terry Mac “sign Peres” moment …

That might have occurred at the same time he was proposing that the best way to get rid of Ashley was for NUSC to buy a pub.

And three older ones hoyed over the fence in to the field.

I mean, there’s a whopping great cunt right in the middle of it, you need to calm down , Dear.

Nope, here you go.

Just for historical purposes, this is the point where the place went squarely tits up.

Fyp

He’s left Liverpool??? Boooooooo!

Which one, Comedy, Blogger or Bravado?