Monkeys Fist

Did this “woman” have a flat cap and sheepskin coat?

Derek knew this was going to happen, and left you a message about the bedroom wallpaper

Don't ask Wykiki to fix it!

I hope you’re feeding those greys rat poison?

I remember being shattered to find that it is not, in fact, drunk in the Congo.

I’d piss myself if they signed Longstaff* You’d hear the fewm on the ISS. * MATTY, not Sean.

No concerns from me mate, I’ve always had you bookmarked as a fellow wrong ‘un. Had a bird strike on the nice bit of the A19 this morning- not a pigeon, we hit those regularly as they’re dumb as rocks, and also flying rats. No, this was a little finch, greenfinch I think. There was a feathery flash, a dull thud, then the poor little fucker landed , dead, on the windscreen wipers briefly, before falling off and probably turning to bird mist. I was surprised as I thought finches were relatively intelligent for birds. Not that it helped this little idiot, as his brain shot out of his arse when he hit the screen. RIP Finchy.

I still expect Juwwde to take his regular constitutionals along Roker Beaych and then pop in to the city centre for a shit, mind. He loves the place.

If he lasts that long he’ll have the record.

That’s horrifying. America is fucked

Already banked. Was going to make a comment about them being around knees now, but the SBH tends not to droop much.

We’ll have to agree to disagree. Anyway, I’ve just about hit my yearly quota of contributions to this thread. I’m off to watch an instructional video on pipe fitting basics before getting my head down. “ Latina Ho Separates Her Flanges”.

Who’s this cunt?

His primary interest is power, and retaining it. If peace is how he does that, he’ll sit down and talk. He’s going to run out of resources at some point, and also bodies to use the resources. Even the basic equipment of warfare- trucks, artillery etc, need some kind of training to use. That requires an extensive stock just for training purposes. More specialist equipment, like tanks, takes longer to train for, and longer to replace what’s lost in battle. What he’s got is out of date and poorly maintained. He’ll run out of the gear before he runs out of bodies, but when the number of bodies coming back (or not) gets too big, the plebs will start to question the propaganda, too. To me, peace is his only real option. What that peace turns out to be is another question- he could probably fully withdraw and cede all the territory he’s taken, and still spin it as a win back home. It depends on how hard Ukraine push in any negotiations. I can see them demanding Crimea be returned as a base of negotiations, then the Donbas region in the east being haggled over. But what do I know, I’m just a trucker who likes filthy mares

I’m not sure Trump has the stones to actually throw Ukraine to the dogs anymore- his recent rhetoric against Putin suggests so too* *( As much as you can believe a single thing that falls out of TACO’s face anus). And, if he did, I honestly think Europe would step up and commit to Ukraine more forcefully.

I’ve seen a subtitled version of the first video, the owld Russian lad is swearing like a trooper! “ Oh fuck me, another one!” ” The fucking police are fucking shooting at it… fuck me, they’ve fucking missed!”

I was reading the other day about Russia’s declared nuclear capabilities, and how they’re very likely bullshit. Essentially, they probably do have some small, functioning nuclear missiles (ICBM’s?) which they can launch off the back of a truck. Their long-range, silo based arsenal, which carries the proper big boys, hydrogen fusion warheads, are very likely practically useless, due to poor( or non existent) maintenance, and a lack of a source of Tritium, which is needed to trigger the first stage of these weapons. Without the first stage triggering, the devastating second fusion stage won’t happen. Given how piss poor the Russian military has been seen to be during this war ( let’s not forget they needed a private army to advance in the earlier part of it, until the bloke had an unfortunate plane crash), it’s fairly credible to me that their nuclear capabilities are way less daunting than they claim. Granted, you only need one nuclear missile to land to ruin someone’s day, but I think the strengthening of European military capabilities is more subtly aimed at Trump than Putin- basically saying “If you won’t help, we’re more than capable of seeing off Vlad ourselves. I also think Putin sees this, which is why he’s now willing to enter peace negotiations- he’s put himself in a position where he knows he can’t sustain the war, or even a victory should it come to that, and is now looking to save face and present himself to his people as Vlad the Peacemaker before the woeful state of his military is truly exposed to them.

Not anymore he won’t. Zelensky gave Putin a proper spanking with their outstanding coordinated drone strike on Russia’s bomber fleet. Reading that many of the planes he destroyed can’t be replaced as they’re no longer in production, even parts for repair are rarer than a washed mackem. This is Zelensky today, shaking hands with Russia’s Head of Security Service and giving him a “fuck you” grin

She looks about 12… Get thee south 12 miles , sharpish

Took the kids for a late lunch in Berwick on a trip up there a few years ago. They wanted Pizza so we ended up in a place called Limoncellos just down from the Main Street. Were seated, menus dumped on the table, and we waited for someone to take our drinks order. And waited And waited. 20 minutes later I physically grabbed a waiter passing our table and gave our drinks order. Drinks came 10 minutes later, dumped on table, no food order taken from us though. Again, after a daft wait, I grabbed a waiter and gave them our food order. Over an hour later the food turned up! Mine came first, mussels in tomato and chilli , on spaghetti. Over half of them were closed, so before the waiter had time to fuck off, I pulled him and pointed out that half my dish was inedible. He said, “ No, it’s fine, you can still eat them “ I disagreed, strongly. The daft cunt stuck with his idiocy and when he realised I wasn’t budging, he picked out several of the dead ones and opened them with a spoon, offering them to me to smell. Yes, that’s right, the fucking dodge pot STUCK HIS FINGERS IN TO MY PASTA and fished out about three of the dead ones I just looked at Mrs. F who gave the sideways “let’s fuck off” nod, just as the rest of the food arrived. Up we got, I ushered the family out, then told boyo that if he hadn’t stuck his clammy paws in my meal, I’d have waited for a fresh one, but since he did, he could take the whole lot back and fucking whistle for the round of drinks.

I give it a week and a half, so 7 working days, before Yorkshire Happiness has called one of his new colleagues a cunt in here Good luck with it Wykiki.

What’s the worst food you’ve had served up to you? ( Post piss-up kebab nonsense doesn’t count- they’re always dire) When I was working fitting ductwork, we went to the site canteen at Addenbrookes on the first day to try it out. “ Meat Pie, Chips and Peas” Hmm, I’ll ask what meat it is, what’s the worst that it could be, thunk I. Asked- “ It’s just meat pie luv” Oh -oh! Served up, looked fairly standard site canteen fare, chips were obviously cooked in old oil as they were dotted with black bits, but I thought “ Had worse…” Sat down, cut the pie open, and as I was thinking the exact same thing, the lads sitting next to me said “ What the fuck is that?” Chunks, not cubes, chunks that had just been hacked off, of pale pink, slimy looking pork luncheon meat (cheap Spam), we’re looking back at me in a pool of instant gravy. But that wasn’t the worst. It should have been on the menu as “Mixed Meat Pie” In equal amounts to the pink chunks, were crispy edged slices of what was clearly at least yesterday’s kebab meat, that had been sitting in the hot tray all day after being carved off… … then hoyed in with its pink mate to make this fucking abomination- no onions or other superfluous veg to get in the way of whatever the fuck this “meat” combo tasted like either. It looked like a meat version of Rocky Road Chocolate slice, Took it back to the counter and asked for a refund and the cheeky cunts said there nothing wrong with it! I said “ Ok then, if there’s nothing wrong with it, you have a bite of it, otherwise I’ll have my money, thanks.” Refunded.