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Monkeys Fist

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Everything posted by Monkeys Fist

  1. Monkeys Fist
  2. Monkeys Fist
    Well, I missed the whole fucking thing as I was dropping bags of fucking crisps and fanny pads to frozen cunts around Alston and Garrigill. Couldn’t get Radio Newcastle- Radio fucking Cumbria or Radio Porridge. No internet. No fucking visuals either. You can all fuck off ( thank fuck we finally won though.).
  3. Monkeys Fist
  4. Monkeys Fist
    Listening to her 2019 eponymous album just now. It’s pretty excellent. Did you get to the gig above or not?
  5. Monkeys Fist
    Plus ca change, plus c’est le meme chose.
  6. Monkeys Fist
    Adam’s time to shine.
  7. Monkeys Fist
    Quick! Unban Quiff, the Kamagra Kid!
  8. Monkeys Fist
    Buffalo Dave
  9. Monkeys Fist
    No idea what you mean- he always struck me as a well-balanced fellow ( That thread is prime @The Fish btw - Lotiongate ).
  10. Monkeys Fist
    He’s got the match to get through, yet
  11. Monkeys Fist
    I seem to remember him saying Westmoor, which is close enough Then again, I live even closer to you
  12. Monkeys Fist
    So you’re saying your cousin is a fanny. Must be genetic.
  13. Monkeys Fist
    And, if you can’t wear a mask, there’s visors. No reason anyone fit enough to jump up and argue at a match can’t wear one or the other.
  14. Monkeys Fist
    Can’t have been. Says the shell was 170cm long- it’d have been poking out of his mouth.
  15. Monkeys Fist
    Also, “The unsteady patient was released from hospital and is expected to make a full recovery, so long as he does not trip and fall onto any more artillery shells.”…
  16. Monkeys Fist
    “The man was a military enthusiast ” Understatement of the year.
  17. Monkeys Fist
    Especially Callum Mawson.
  18. Monkeys Fist
    Rams it up the poopchute.
  19. Monkeys Fist
    Also, slight technical point, Newcastle isn’t in China.
  20. Monkeys Fist
    Held on to a tree at the top, hung my hoop over the edge, opened the bomb bay doors, watched it drop, disappear from view, then burst out laughing as a brown circle suddenly appeared at the foot of the cliff. Minging, aye, ticked off the bucket list, aye that too. The stars were truly aligned as my firm ejecta was also the Holy Grail of shites- a ghost wipe…not a mark on the paper.
  21. Monkeys Fist
    I suppose it’s time to retell my tale of the time I took a shit off a 800-1000ft cliff? Standing/squatting , of course.
  22. Monkeys Fist
    Just to explain the toilet gymnastics, using CT’s weird babystool diagram, my knees are at 90° when laying the cable. They’re at 120-130° when I’m “standing”. Contrary to what the G-man thinks, I don’t jump up from the bog and dance around the bathroom, randomly rubbing my hoop against any handy bits of cloth.
  23. Monkeys Fist
    Semi-civilised.
  24. Monkeys Fist
    Ahem.
  25. Monkeys Fist
    Squatter. I raise my arse from the seat, allowing me better crevice access. Having thighs like Chris Hoy and a Magnum Dong, there’s not a lot of room for my equally large forearms to swill about in the festering pot. Basically, because I’m not an anorexic, hung like a Chinese mouse, my booty needs to see daylight. Clean bot? You must squat.
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