Monkeys Fist

Interested? Here’s a sneak preview of my honking passage of freaky fun.

If you’d all sign up to my private snapchat, Fist Fist’s Fistula, I’ll be offering the following from next week.… Man Boob Mondays - £20 for 10 minutes of private mammary manipulation. Wank Off Wednesday -£50 a pop, very limited availability, get in quick… I mean really quick. Fat Cunt Friday - £10 free for all, last man standing gets the biscuit. Cheers lads, in these trying times I’m sure we’ll all come together in the spirit of …blah blah.

So, fuck all then.

Have they said owt about help for self-employed if we have to hibernate for 12 weeks?

Fuck. #metoo.

“Hon hee hon hee hon” vs ” Ahh, ummm, ahhh, urrr, ahh”

Aye, Yul Brynner is fucking mint in it.

Newcastle United fans' uneaten pies donated to foodbank https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-51910057

Ffs!

Hmm, that’s got my nipsy twitching too. I’m on the flu jab list because of the ticker playing the cunt a few years ago. Have I got to hibernate? edit; just saw your response above- that makes sense. Cheers

Btw, where’s @Rayvin? Has he gone skiing or is he dead?

He’s giving people too much wriggle room- self isolate for 14 days, but you can go out for exercise. People should, if possible, avoid leaving the house "even to buy food or essentials". We know from the last election that the public are selfish cunts- these same cunts will take this “wriggle room” and think “oh, I’m ok, I can just nip to the shops/pub/whatever”, making the whole thing fucking pointless Meanwhile, old people, our parents, will possibly die from it. He needs to grow a fucking backbone, and quick.

It’d be interesting to know how many Tory MPs have “interests” in major insurance firms

I bet that was a nice change for him.

Aussie foreplay?

I’ll be sueing for copyright inmingement in due course.

If I had to go through him to get to the other three, I’d take that.

Does “any combination” include “all”?

Didn’t have a thermometer, used a thermos flask instead. Can’t sit down now.

It would be fucking hilarious if what finally wiped them out was a flu.

Theres your winner. Bonus points for having a Tubby Bez.

ET , a particularly diminutive rigger mate ( from the joke, “what’s ET short for? He’s only got little legs) 2Toms - when I did a stint taxiing. The bloke couldn’t find his own arsehole, so was reliant on his (useless) Tom Tom satnav, Boot - was on my river squad when I was a canoe instructor. ( from Das Boot, as he spent most of his time underwater). Welvis, chef I worked alongside. ( short for Welsh Elvis aka Shakey…bloke had the DT’s like Michael J Fox)