What mood are you in and why?

[Gemmill 53508]

Looking forward to Broccoli Head Jr.

 

Pleased to hear there have been some nice moments for you in a very shitty time. 

 

My gran died a year ago, and my mam is taking the house, but it has sat for a year while they sell theirs etc. All of my gran's stuff still in it. Anyway, the time has come in the last month to clear it out, so she's been there with my sister, obviously an unpleasant thing to do, as you'll know. Loads of memories and their entire lives in cupboards and drawers. 

 

Heartbreaking shit like taking their dressing gowns off the back of the bedroom door - my granddad had died a few years earlier, but my gran had never wanted to take his down. 

 

Anyway, at the back of one of the cupboards was a bag with an old handbag in it, and a note that my Gran had written to remind her that my mam and her (long dead) brother had saved up for weeks to buy this for her when they were teenagers. My mam was in bits, but she also feels like it was her final gift from her mam that she obviously treasured this thing for 60 years, that my mam assumed would have been thrown out years ago. 

[wykikitoon 24127]

A perm 😂 

 

It's a shit emotional roller coaster time but I know when my mam and dad passed I still found lots of laughs happened in the week(s) too. 

 

At my mams wake a bloke came up to me and was apologising for not getting down to Leeds earlier we got talking about mam and then onto football. My dad came over talked to him and he went to the bar for a drink. I asked who it was he said 'oh it's one of your uncles' 😂 oh right. Mam was 1 of 14 the mad catholic bastards 😂

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 4449]

Let the boy get his perm, I hope this isn’t disrespectful but I’m willing to bet your mum would find it funny that it winds you up.

[Dr Gloom 24504]

are perms back in fashion for lads then? fucking hell

[Renton 24763]

9 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

I suppose it’s a nice change from tiddies and well, more tiddies. 

 

Well no, it's not, but I'll let you off this time. 

 

9 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Also Fist Jnr informed me that he is booked in for a perm… (aye, a fucking perm !) on Thursday. 

 

Are you sure he's not just bettering himself going to a poetry recital here?

 

[Sonatine 12412]

26 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

are perms back in fashion for lads then? fucking hell

 

One of the kids at work has one, he looks like a fucking Alpaca.

 

[Monkeys Fist 46799]

3 hours ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said:

Let the boy get his perm, I hope this isn’t disrespectful but I’m willing to bet your mum would find it funny that it winds you up.

It’s not at all, and she knew he was threatening me with it, which she thought was hilarious 

If he wants to look like an 80s scouser, I’m not going to stop him. 
 

I have told that if he regrets it after the fact, my clippers are oiled and ready 

 

[ewerk 34725]

[Renton 24763]

19 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

It’s not at all, and she knew he was threatening me with it, which she thought was hilarious 

If he wants to look like an 80s scouser, I’m not going to stop him. 
 

I have told that if he regrets it after the fact, my clippers are oiled and ready 

 

 

At the MF household.....

 

[ewerk 34725]

It’s shaping up to be a pretty good weekend.

 

The wife took the kids to her parents’ caravan yesterday which means that May Day consisted of playing golf, taking an afternoon nap then out for pints with some mates.

 

Woke up fresh as a daisy this morning so out for a massive fry up, bought some more beer on the way home and the plan is to lie on the sofa this afternoon watching three matches and sipping on aforementioned beer. Three points for us would really be the icing on a perfect cake of a weekend.

[Rayvin 6634]

4 minutes ago, ewerk said:

It’s shaping up to be a pretty good weekend.

 

The wife took the kids to her parents’ caravan yesterday which means that May Day consisted of playing golf, taking an afternoon nap then out for pints with some mates.

 

Woke up fresh as a daisy this morning so out for a massive fry up, bought some more beer on the way home and the plan is to lie on the sofa this afternoon watching three matches and sipping on aforementioned beer. Three points for us would really be the icing on a perfect cake of a weekend.

 

Enjoy it! Sounds like a good one indeed.

[Howmanheyman 38464]

33 minutes ago, ewerk said:

It’s shaping up to be a pretty good weekend.

 

The wife took the kids to her parents’ caravan yesterday which means that May Day consisted of having a big long wank then out playing golf, taking an afternoon nap then out for pints with some mates.

 

Woke up fresh as a daisy this morning so had another massive wank then out for a massive fry up, bought some more beer on the way home and the plan is to lie on the sofa this afternoon watching three matches and sipping on aforementioned beer. Three points for us would really be the icing on a perfect cake of a weekend.

 

Sounds tremendous.

[Andrew 5653]

Makes a change from the usual updates in here too!

 

 

[Tom 14461]

Shame about the golf like!

[ewerk 34725]

Aye, well turning up without my trolley and putter was probably the only blot on the day.  

[Gemmill 53508]

Sounds like a canny weekend. Turn all the mirrors to face the wall so you don't catch a glimpse of that hair horseshoe and take the shine off it. 

[Tom 14461]

42 minutes ago, ewerk said:

Aye, well turning up without my trolley and putter was probably the only blot on the day.  

Tbh there’s days I may as well have left my putter at home  

[Monkeys Fist 46799]

2 hours ago, ewerk said:

taking an afternoon nap

Porn hub-helping middle-aged degenerates take afternoon naps since the Dawn of the Internet

[Rayvin 6634]

I never really do this on here but today has crashed in on me harder than usual so I'm going to vent, if people will indulge me. I don't remember how much I've shared of my professional background exactly but I'm self employed working as a management consultant. Have been for about 6 or 7 years. I was in senior management before that, on the ops side, and my consulting work is really focused around technology implementation pieces, project management, that sort of thing. 2 years ago I was doing really well with this and making good money, but last year a lot of the projects dried up as the industry I worked in became more cautious - it's academic, scholarly and edtech primarily. So long story short I made almost fuck all last year and had to eat into savings considerably - that was the year I had finally managed to pull enough together to buy myself a house, which I had to put on hold once projects dried up, and which is now as far away again as ever. It has improved since, I'm back with a minimum level of projects again, but it was a bad enough run that I decided to get out of it. Problem is, I can't seem to get hold of any permanent work for love nor money, even outside my industry. I have a pretty strong CV on the face of it, but I think the entire market is so saturated with people looking for jobs that even getting seen is a barrier - plus I think people are generally reluctant to hire people who've worked as freelancers? That's the vibe I'm getting from it anyway.

 

I'm obviously trying to open doors for myself within projects that I'm part of, but it's never been something I was that good at. So here I am, approaching 40, and still not really managing to get my life together. I've got few savings now after last year, which is part of the risk of the work I do, so I'm not beating myself up about it too much, but like... getting back out of this into something stable just feels borderline impossible. And for the record, I'm looking for jobs 'beneath' what I should be at this point, but it doesn't really seem to matter much. And the longer it goes on, the more hopeless I just feel about it all. I'm getting by with the work I have but it's sort of month to month. I just don't know if I'm ever going to recover at this point. I honestly think I'm just pretty shit at life generally, like this whole process wasn't meant for me. I'm absolutely my own worst enemy with it but I don't know what to even do to fix it now, I can't will myself back into things working out again - what if I'm just hanging on forever? Can't build a life, family, anything. Not until this is resolved. Every day I wake up with guilt and dread about my situation, this yearning to do something about it held up against the desire to hide from the reality that I can't, that I'm just inadequate.

 

I accept that my situation is down to my own choices, I probably never should have gone into consulting at such a young age and stuck to a more stable path in order to develop a foundation, but at the time I did it, I really believed that I could just slot back in again if things didn't work out (and for 3-4 years I did actually do very well with it). At the moment I feel like I'm in prison, locked in by bad choices that I can't get away from no matter how much I try. I have precious little in my life at the best of times, which I'm ok with because I've never needed that much to start with, but I just, idk.. I'm not imaginative enough to perceive of a way to get out of this. My one long term shot is that I'm buying a business with a colleague (he's fronting all the money, I'm working my ass of to pay my share - I consider myself insanely fortunate to even have this) but it's not something that's going to help me for a couple of years yet, and even then I shouldn't assume that will come off. Nothing else seems to.

 

Idk what I'm really saying with this post in a lot of ways. I appreciate no one can really help me with it, it's just life. But I never do this on here really, I've written things like this out so many times and just not posted it - largely because I'm ashamed of the situation I'm in. I should have done better than this. I'm really fucking ashamed of myself. Sorry for posting, I appreciate I should still be grateful I have some work at all, etc, but it's all relative in the end and the whole situation is having a big impact on my life. I accept this looks weak and self pitying. That's about where I am at the moment.

[Gemmill 53508]

I think you're being really hard on yourself here. You took a brave decision to go into consultancy - I say brave cos I would never have the balls for it - and at the minute it doesn't appear to be working out. 

 

But that doesn't mean you're bad at life. That section of what you wrote really worried me, cos it sounded like you might be on the verge of doing something daft, and I really hope that I'm just misreading it. 

 

What you might not be cut out for is the uncertainty that comes with the potential irregularity of consultancy work. And that's completely normal, the vast majority of people couldn't handle that, and I think you've spoken about having some level of anxiety in general anyway. 

 

It's hard to have anything like advice for how to get out of your current situation, but I assume you're currently looking for permanent roles rather than more fixed term stuff? Are there any recruitment consultants you could talk to? A lot of these people are just sales people and are hopeless but the decent ones can genuinely match skills with roles and you might find something that way. 

 

One job that seems massively prevalent these days is project management and business analyst type stuff. Most big firms have big change departments with huge teams of these people. Is that something that would appeal? Part of the reason I ask is cos there's a lot of contract work in that area, which I would assume would mean they wouldn't baulk at someone with a freelance background. 

 

I might be completely barking up the wrong tree though. 

 

Anyway the main thing I wanted to say is please don't feel too despondent, you're not failing at anything, you're just in a rough spot at the minute and it's shite.. And definitely keep talking about it on here and don't write things and delete them. 

[Dr Gloom 24504]

44 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

I never really do this on here but today has crashed in on me harder than usual so I'm going to vent, if people will indulge me. I don't remember how much I've shared of my professional background exactly but I'm self employed working as a management consultant. Have been for about 6 or 7 years. I was in senior management before that, on the ops side, and my consulting work is really focused around technology implementation pieces, project management, that sort of thing. 2 years ago I was doing really well with this and making good money, but last year a lot of the projects dried up as the industry I worked in became more cautious - it's academic, scholarly and edtech primarily. So long story short I made almost fuck all last year and had to eat into savings considerably - that was the year I had finally managed to pull enough together to buy myself a house, which I had to put on hold once projects dried up, and which is now as far away again as ever. It has improved since, I'm back with a minimum level of projects again, but it was a bad enough run that I decided to get out of it. Problem is, I can't seem to get hold of any permanent work for love nor money, even outside my industry. I have a pretty strong CV on the face of it, but I think the entire market is so saturated with people looking for jobs that even getting seen is a barrier - plus I think people are generally reluctant to hire people who've worked as freelancers? That's the vibe I'm getting from it anyway.

 

I'm obviously trying to open doors for myself within projects that I'm part of, but it's never been something I was that good at. So here I am, approaching 40, and still not really managing to get my life together. I've got few savings now after last year, which is part of the risk of the work I do, so I'm not beating myself up about it too much, but like... getting back out of this into something stable just feels borderline impossible. And for the record, I'm looking for jobs 'beneath' what I should be at this point, but it doesn't really seem to matter much. And the longer it goes on, the more hopeless I just feel about it all. I'm getting by with the work I have but it's sort of month to month. I just don't know if I'm ever going to recover at this point. I honestly think I'm just pretty shit at life generally, like this whole process wasn't meant for me. I'm absolutely my own worst enemy with it but I don't know what to even do to fix it now, I can't will myself back into things working out again - what if I'm just hanging on forever? Can't build a life, family, anything. Not until this is resolved. Every day I wake up with guilt and dread about my situation, this yearning to do something about it held up against the desire to hide from the reality that I can't, that I'm just inadequate.

 

I accept that my situation is down to my own choices, I probably never should have gone into consulting at such a young age and stuck to a more stable path in order to develop a foundation, but at the time I did it, I really believed that I could just slot back in again if things didn't work out (and for 3-4 years I did actually do very well with it). At the moment I feel like I'm in prison, locked in by bad choices that I can't get away from no matter how much I try. I have precious little in my life at the best of times, which I'm ok with because I've never needed that much to start with, but I just, idk.. I'm not imaginative enough to perceive of a way to get out of this. My one long term shot is that I'm buying a business with a colleague (he's fronting all the money, I'm working my ass of to pay my share - I consider myself insanely fortunate to even have this) but it's not something that's going to help me for a couple of years yet, and even then I shouldn't assume that will come off. Nothing else seems to.

 

Idk what I'm really saying with this post in a lot of ways. I appreciate no one can really help me with it, it's just life. But I never do this on here really, I've written things like this out so many times and just not posted it - largely because I'm ashamed of the situation I'm in. I should have done better than this. I'm really fucking ashamed of myself. Sorry for posting, I appreciate I should still be grateful I have some work at all, etc, but it's all relative in the end and the whole situation is having a big impact on my life. I accept this looks weak and self pitying. That's about where I am at the moment.

 

Going freelance takes guts. I've got huge admiration for anyone that does it, so you should be proud of making a decent living out of it for six years. As with all freelance work, there are going to be good times and bad. I'm nowhere near brave enough to try it myself so respect due.

 

We are all our own biggest critics. I've had similar moments to those you have described. I've had a reasonably successful career but I never made it into a senior management position and have seen other, more ambitious friends' careers take off in a way mine hasn't. It's easy to compare yourself to your peers and waste a lot of hours soul searching about what you might have done differently.

 

I can't offer any suggestions about your career as it's not a business I really know or understand but a friend once gave me some good advice that stuck with me: don't get too high when things are going well and don't get too low when things aren't. Life is just a ride, like the great Bill Hicks once said. There will be ups and downs - professionally and personally. And there is a danger that we take it all too seriously.

 

I'll close by saying I have huge admiration for your contribution to this board. We have had a few ding dongs in the political thread over the years but you're clearly an informed, interesting and thoughtful bloke and I always enjoy reading your posts. I'm sure that you're a very impressive person in real life and I'm convinced that this bad moment will pass and good things are coming for you in the future. 

 

[ewerk 34725]

Firstly, you've got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Most people couldn't survive financially for a year without work so you clearly had built a nice little nest egg for yourself so that in itself is an achievement.

 

Part of the problem may have been that you were applying for jobs below your level? Perhaps people looking at your CV saw the freelance background and assumed you were only applying for the role to stay there for a short period of time? I'm sure it's something you've already looked at but is your CV well enough presented, hitting the right notes?

 

I think Gemmill may actually be right here for once. Although recruitment consultants are generally the scum of the earth, they may actually be of use to you here. They'll be able to connect you to jobs and will push for you to be hired as obviously they'll benefit from someone hiring you. You're clearly a very bright lad and I doubt there's much unemployable about you so if you can let someone else get your foot in the door then by all means allow them to.

[spongebob toonpants 4601]

Not much to add, but self-doubt and being your own harshest critic is the curse that comes with being highly intelligent and empathetic, which you plainly are. Ignorance is bliss sadly

 

Stick with it and don't be too hard on yourself

[Howmanheyman 38464]

I'm hoping things can turn around or something turns up for you as they invariably do even though it seems like it's never going to happen at the time, we've all had our moments of venting or feeling sorry for ourselves on here when we're down and I'm no different so make that at least one worry to chuck in the bin. 

[Rayvin 6634]

Thanks for your thoughts lads.

 

My experience with recruiters has generally been fairly challenging but maybe I need to look outside my field more. I used to be pretty confident on my CV but it's clearly not working for me these days. It's been about a year since I started looking around, 6 months since it became a high priority. I'll see what I can do with it anyway, redo it once more.

 

Yeah maybe I'm too down on myself now to get the jobs I should be going for - problem is the longer it goes on the less competent I feel either way. I'm just tired of having to fight so hard, something that actually spans beyond this past year and into even the 'good' times. All that stress and anxiety making it all work, for nothing really.

 

Just to address the 'worry' side of it that Gemmill mentioned - I don't think I'm in any danger of anything but it can sometimes be hard to tell. I have moments where ending everything looks like the only safe way of escaping a lot of it, but it never feels like it's anything other than a fleeting thought, just something to reassure myself with as perverse as that might sound (no one relies or depends on me for anything so I don't have the usual burdens of consequence that others might have - I live alone, fairly isolated at times, so these thoughts can come). In my heart of hearts, I genuinely believe I have failed at life - what remains ahead of me is really just to see if I can redeem any of it. I haven't given up yet though, I'll be ok. I just need something to go my way.