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Smooth Operator

Work Xmas Parties

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These are strange things like. Anyone got any good stories from them?

 

First one I went to was at the hotel i used to work in a few years ago, little did i know that everyone got dressed up smart, i strolled in with jeans and a shirt on!

 

All the lasses were in gowns and the blokes in trousers and shirts tucked in! I felt like a right spare part. So i got myself mortal on the free hotel bar and went to try and pull the lass i fancied, knowing she had a boyfriend I turned on my alter ego - Smooth Operator! Incredibly she resisted so i moved onto a lass i knew fancied me, I asked if i could buy (it was a free bar - she was a bit thick - from Gateshead!) her a drink but she declined saying that I should've been chatting her up in the first place and that she wasn't gonna be second choice!

 

So after brushing aside another knockback i went to sit with the lads for a bit craic, seeing i wasn't letting the knock back bother me the lass who fancied me couldn't resist a bit of the Operator and she came over and invited me to hers where the party was moving onto, so we got in a taxi back to hers and turns out it was a private party just for the 2 of us!

 

Canny!

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Mine are always incredibly boring and full of people who look important and I probably should know who they are.

 

This years is on the 22nd, at St James' as always.

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Guest alex
Our manager here at the DWP has already warned us about our conduct on Friday for our Xmas do!

 

At these school disco's Alex, was Gary Glitter on the one's and two's by any chance?

62771[/snapback]

I meant the snogging going on. Canny funny like. Do they still hire out Ikon for the afternoon of the last working day before Xmas/Easter by the way?

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The course party last year was shockingly bad.

 

Some of us were going to organise something, but got told not to because the lecturers were putting something on for us.

 

So we went along, and it was just in one of the rooms. No music, no food, no beer. Just red wine (which I hate) and cheap white wine (which I hate).

 

It was complete and utter crap. It was the same night as we were at home to Sporting Libson in the UEFA Cup, and I hadn't got a ticket because I was going to the party instead, so that made me canny pissed off. I made my excuses and left to go home and watch the game on the telly.

 

Some of us went out a couple of days later for a Chinese and a few drinks to sort of make up for it, but we were cheated.

 

 

This year one of the lasses on the course is organising something. I'm not quite sure where were going, but it's a £5 deposit, £12 in total and there's a mini bus is going to take us around various bars and get us in or something.

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Our managing director headbutted one of the lasses husbands a few years ago and the year after the IT manager and HR manager had a fight.

Before that one of the teams knacked the hotel lift by seeing how many they could get into it and then jump up and down.

Canny dull other than that though other than one of the lasses chebs falling out when she was dancing.

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Our manager here at the DWP has already warned us about our conduct on Friday for our Xmas do!

 

At these school disco's Alex, was Gary Glitter on the one's and two's by any chance?

62771[/snapback]

I meant the snogging going on. Canny funny like. Do they still hire out Ikon for the afternoon of the last working day before Xmas/Easter by the way?

62786[/snapback]

 

Think one of the departments still books Ikon like but thank the lord Jesus I don't work there.

 

We usually arrange our parties to coincide with the other departments so the fanny count increases but this year some bright spark has arranged it a week before anyone else is having there's! ;)

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Our manager here at the DWP has already warned us about our conduct on Friday for our Xmas do!

 

At these school disco's Alex, was Gary Glitter on the one's and two's by any chance?

62771[/snapback]

I meant the snogging going on. Canny funny like. Do they still hire out Ikon for the afternoon of the last working day before Xmas/Easter by the way?

62786[/snapback]

 

Think one of the departments still books Ikon like but thank the lord Jesus I don't work there.

 

We usually arrange our parties to coincide with the other departments so the fanny count increases but this year some bright spark has arranged it a week before anyone else is having there's! ;)

62827[/snapback]

 

The only place you ever put your tongue on Christmas do's is up the gaffers arses looking for promotion, I've seen it in the flesh.

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i always end up getting far too pissed on the free champagne and making a tit of myself in front of all the office bigwigs. no doubt i'll do the same this year.

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Someone has to do it (and before Toonraider is doing it)...

 

FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO Everyone

RE Christmas Party

DATE December 1

 

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on

December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue.

No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional

carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up

dressed as Santa Claus!

 

_____________________________________________________________________

FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director

DATE December 2

RE Christmas Party

 

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with

Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.

 

However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party".

___________________________________________________________________

FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director

DATE December 7

RE Holiday Party

 

What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim

holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight

hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this

time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps

Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party...the days

are so short this time of year...or else package everything for take-home in

little foil swans.

 

___________________________________________________________________

FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director

DATE December 8

RE Holiday Party

 

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice... Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit

the burning of sage by our earth-based, Goddess-worshipping employees, but

we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's

breaks.

 

____________________________________________________________________

 

FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director

Date December 9

RE Holiday Party

 

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like

Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan", there is

no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit". It's a tradition,

folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving

turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?

 

____________________________________________________________________

 

FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director

DATE December 10

RE Holiday Party

 

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party

at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly

at the table farthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, and

you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes...but you know,

tomatoes have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them...I've heard

them scream, I'm hearing them scream right now...!

 

____________________________________________________________________

 

FROM Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE December 14

RE Pat Lewis and Holiday Party

 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery from her

stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the

sanatarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the Holiday

party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

 

Happy Chanue-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And yes Lou:

 

soslow.jpg

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Our manager here at the DWP has already warned us about our conduct on Friday for our Xmas do!

 

At these school disco's Alex, was Gary Glitter on the one's and two's by any chance?

62771[/snapback]

I meant the snogging going on. Canny funny like. Do they still hire out Ikon for the afternoon of the last working day before Xmas/Easter by the way?

62786[/snapback]

 

Think one of the departments still books Ikon like but thank the lord Jesus I don't work there.

 

We usually arrange our parties to coincide with the other departments so the fanny count increases but this year some bright spark has arranged it a week before anyone else is having there's! :angry:

62827[/snapback]

 

Yup you've definitely picked the wrong date this year, the 16th is the main day for everones parties (ours included ;) ). As usual though its just a meal in town and then a pissup........perfect

 

Never been to the IKON do, somehow I get the feeling its just a chance for all the scantily clad young lasses to get tapped up.......

 

:angry: Hello is that sports n social? yeah? ticket to the IKON do please!!

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its all blokes where i work so the xmas party tends to be a big piss up owa the toon, copius amounts of alcohol consumption, maybe a fight then a kebab on the way home..

i've managed to get lucky the last 2 years running, granted they've been big fat bastards but "hey".. every holes a goal !!

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Guest alex
its all blokes where i work so the xmas party tends to be a big piss up owa the toon, copius amounts of alcohol consumption, maybe a fight then a kebab on the way home..

i've managed to get lucky the last 2 years running, granted they've been big fat bastards but "hey".. every holes a goal !!

63340[/snapback]

I thought asylum seekers weren't allowed to work while their cases were being processed.

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We're a fairly small team (5 of us) so we usually have a quiet meal with drinks that the boss pays for. We're going to Panis this year cos we're geet culchurul. Apparently the accountacy dept xmas do's are well dodgy. We used to have an accountant in the team who told me about one he went to. They were all standing talking then he went for a piss, came back 5 minutes later to find everyone getting off with each other. He drank up and pissed off home.

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I can remember some "special ones"

 

We were banned from several hotels (related to throwing cakes I believe) at one outfit

 

Another one our MD and his PA dressed up as Santa and his little helper - they both got TOTALLY rat arsed - he lost his wallet and I had to dig deep for a £ 20 note to get her into a taxi and home .............................

 

Only lost one guy tho - he was an temp Aussie accountant who spent most of the evening telling the MD just how crap the company was and what a wanker the MD was - unfortunately the MD only remembered one thing the next morning.................................

 

One at Mrs W's company when a senior HR lady turned up in the shortest skirt I've ever seen and basically dived on any bloke who was interested

 

Half the blokes in the office rolling about, fighting in the gutter over the company tart

 

Christmas with Canadians.............. shudder.........

 

Every bloody company that asks you to "make a contribution" - I don't

 

 

Invited to one with our accountants - mainly lasses who got blotto and then spent the evening in floods of tears over various blokes and boy friends

Edited by Rob W

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its all blokes where i work so the xmas party tends to be a big piss up owa the toon, copius amounts of alcohol consumption, maybe a fight then a kebab on the way home..

i've managed to get lucky the last 2 years running, granted they've been big fat bastards but "hey".. every holes a goal !!

63340[/snapback]

I thought asylum seekers weren't allowed to work while their cases were being processed.

63349[/snapback]

 

DIVVENT SAY you GANI GRASS IZ UP WOR KID...

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Ours is a week on Thursday:

 

Free Booze, Free Grub, Free Hotel Room!

 

No holiday allowed on the following day - wankers! :unsure:

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Ours is a week on Thursday:

 

Free Booze, Free Grub, Free Hotel Room!

 

No holiday allowed on the following day - wankers! ;)

63885[/snapback]

 

What's the point of free booze when they won't let you have the following day off? :unsure: They could have least made it a Friday.

 

St James Park for ours - a week today.

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Ours is a week on Thursday:

 

Free Booze, Free Grub, Free Hotel Room!

 

No holiday allowed on the following day - wankers! :(

63885[/snapback]

 

What's the point of free booze when they won't let you have the following day off? :unsure: They could have least made it a Friday.

 

St James Park for ours - a week today.

63903[/snapback]

 

3 years running now I've made that point! Doesn't seem to quell the steady (actually torrential) flow of alcohol though!

 

The people who work away from head office prefer it during the week - that way they lose two working days rather than one day of their weekend for travelling! Tossers! :(

 

We can't have time off because we're IT and a ;) Service Department!

 

Arse!

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Ours is a week on Thursday:

 

Free Booze, Free Grub, Free Hotel Room!

 

No holiday allowed on the following day - wankers! :(

63885[/snapback]

 

What's the point of free booze when they won't let you have the following day off? :unsure: They could have least made it a Friday.

 

St James Park for ours - a week today.

63903[/snapback]

 

3 years running now I've made that point! Doesn't seem to quell the steady (actually torrential) flow of alcohol though!

 

The people who work away from head office prefer it during the week - that way they lose two working days rather than one day of their weekend for travelling! Tossers! :(

 

We can't have time off because we're IT and a ;) Service Department!

 

Arse!

63919[/snapback]

 

If you're anything like our IT department you'd be as much use sat at home with a hangover as you are in work. :(

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Ours is a week on Thursday:

 

Free Booze, Free Grub, Free Hotel Room!

 

No holiday allowed on the following day - wankers! :(

63885[/snapback]

 

What's the point of free booze when they won't let you have the following day off? :unsure: They could have least made it a Friday.

 

St James Park for ours - a week today.

63903[/snapback]

 

3 years running now I've made that point! Doesn't seem to quell the steady (actually torrential) flow of alcohol though!

 

The people who work away from head office prefer it during the week - that way they lose two working days rather than one day of their weekend for travelling! Tossers! :(

 

We can't have time off because we're IT and a :( Service Department!

 

Arse!

63919[/snapback]

 

If you're anything like our IT department you'd be as much use sat at home with a hangover as you are in work. :(

63927[/snapback]

 

The output the day after the xmas bash is tremendous! ;)

 

But they still insist we come in! Fuck knows why?

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