RobinRobin 9286 Posted November 26, 2023 Share Posted November 26, 2023 16 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: It struck me the day that loads of the best F1 drivers have Scottish towns in their names. Lewis Hamilton ( twofer) Eddie Irvine Stirling Moss Ayr Toon Centre. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27176 Posted November 26, 2023 Share Posted November 26, 2023 8 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: It struck me the day that loads of the best F1 drivers have Scottish towns in their names. Lewis Hamilton ( twofer) Eddie Irvine Stirling Moss Ayr Toon Centre. This joke was brought to you in association with the Hancock museum. But in a similar vein, the best leaders who've been in jail for years and were eventually released and helped end apartheid have car shop titles in their name. Nissan Main Dealer. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9286 Posted November 26, 2023 Share Posted November 26, 2023 12 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: This joke was brought to you in association with the Hancock museum. But in a similar vein, the best leaders who've been in jail for years and were eventually released and helped end apartheid have car shop titles in their name. Nissan Main Dealer. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38939 Posted November 26, 2023 Share Posted November 26, 2023 23 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: This joke was brought to you in association with the Hancock museum. But in a similar vein, the best leaders who've been in jail for years and were eventually released and helped end apartheid have car shop titles in their name. Nissan Main Dealer. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 4960 Posted November 27, 2023 Share Posted November 27, 2023 What do you get if you cross a pig with Count Dracula? A HAMpire. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9286 Posted November 27, 2023 Share Posted November 27, 2023 5 minutes ago, Holden McGroin said: What do you get if you cross a pig with Count Dracula? A HAMpire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wardi 82 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 I joined a dating site for pyromaniacs last week. They sent me a match straight away. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38939 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 Are all the women hot? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34978 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 Smokin' 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 4960 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 What’s the best thing about a prostitute dying on you? The second hour is completely free. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 4960 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 Where do you find a cow with no legs ? Wherever you left it. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 14112 Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 The tonal shift between those two jokes is impressive 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2178 Posted November 30, 2023 Share Posted November 30, 2023 One day two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14 came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money. “Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old. “We told him we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros.” “Then we followed the man,” said the other boy, “and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet.” “That’s a truly awful behavior,” the mother replied. “You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession.” The boys did what they were told and went to church to confess to the priest. After a while they came back with another 100 euros - because now they now knew where the man worked. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16833 Posted December 1, 2023 Share Posted December 1, 2023 Had Korean meatballs for tea last night They were the dogs bollocks 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9286 Posted December 1, 2023 Share Posted December 1, 2023 35 minutes ago, wykikitoon said: Had Korean meatballs for tea last night They were the dogs bollocks 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2178 Posted December 1, 2023 Share Posted December 1, 2023 The coastguard are reporting that a ship carrying red paint has been involved in a collision with another ship containing blue paint. Both sets of crew are said to be marooned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34978 Posted December 1, 2023 Share Posted December 1, 2023 On 22/11/2023 at 08:24, Wardi said: The coastguard are reporting that a ship carrying red paint has been involved in a collision with another ship containing blue paint. Both sets of crew are said to be marooned. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34978 Posted December 1, 2023 Share Posted December 1, 2023 I'm not quoting tdansmith there btw. I'm quoting Wardi who told the SAME SHIT JOKE a week ago. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2178 Posted December 1, 2023 Share Posted December 1, 2023 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30559 Posted December 2, 2023 Share Posted December 2, 2023 On 26/11/2023 at 09:50, Monkeys Fist said: Bit disappointed Johnny Dumfries never made the list. Just to place the joke well and truly in its 80s heyday 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2178 Posted December 3, 2023 Share Posted December 3, 2023 It snowed last night… 8:00 am: I made a snowman. 8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 - So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead. 8:22 - The transgender man…women…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts. 8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up . 8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended. 8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role. 8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction. 8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied “Snowballs” and am now called a sexist. 9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather. 9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services. 9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested. By noon it all melted Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27176 Posted December 3, 2023 Share Posted December 3, 2023 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 10052 Posted December 3, 2023 Share Posted December 3, 2023 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16833 Posted December 3, 2023 Share Posted December 3, 2023 Went to a shop today to buy some sexy underwear for the Mrs today. Asked the assistant for some help. She showed me a pair of knickers, I asked "Are they Satin?" She looked at me odd "No, they're brand new" 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16833 Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 Earlier this year I thought I would try and invent beach footwear for people with one leg. It was a flop 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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