Christmas Tree 3997 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 And oldie but good one is to get about 40 blanks front door keys and hand them out to 39 women before the speech. During the speech make reference to "Bob" having an eye for the ladies until he decided to settle down and by any chance if there are any ex girlfriends in the room with a key to Bobs, could they give it back now. 39 women then descend on the top table dropping keys off. Just as they are returning to their seats, get one game lad to mince up and drop the last key off saying something like "I'll always luv ya Bobbyyyyyy!" ideally wiping away tears with a hanky. Arranged this for another mates wedding and it brought the house down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I think I was at that wedding. Is that the one where you ended the speech with an acapella rendition of 'Careless Whisper'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I've done this 3 times and have another 2 looming on the horizon. All this means is I'm the least feckless of my circle of mates. They know I'll actually put a bit of work into it. Worse, this year I have been asked to do a blessing at a mates wedding. Fucking speechless, literally, about that one. Got some good ideas for my costume though. That website is good, http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/ helped me a lot with the last one who I'd not known that long and he's squeaky clean so not much material to work with. I managed to infer he'd bummed a donkey which went down well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevenL 0 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 My mate was picking a best man and I was 1 of 3 possible options, didn't get it. That's the closest I've been. I'm an usher instead. Told my mam that my brother wasn't going to be my best man and she wasn't happy like. I get on with him, he's just not one of my best friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12767 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Play it entirely straight, talk about the sanctity of the marriage institution with stone-faced steel and grit. Maybe have an organ ominously hold a Gm throughout it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 14055 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Play it entirely straight, talk about the sanctity of the marriage institution with stone-faced steel and grit. Maybe have an organ ominously hold a Gm throughout it. I really wish I'd thought of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitman 2188 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) Play it entirely straight, talk about the sanctity of the marriage institution with stone-faced steel and grit. Maybe have an organ ominously hold a Gm throughout it. Ideally delivered in the style of Fraser from Dads Army, with long quotes from obscure passages of the Old Testament...... Edited February 21, 2012 by Kitman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spongebob toonpants 3604 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I've been specifically asked not to mention Diedre Birchwood - so I won't \terrycollier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19826 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Bumping it up with just one week to go to the big day. I'm thinking of starting with: 'there's nothing I wouldn't do for Jamie and equally there's nothing he wouldn't do for me. In fact we spend most of our time doing nothing for each other" Anything better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigWalrus 0 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I started with... "Fornication. For an occasion like this..." Went down really well. I found it best to avoid the cliched jokes as much as possible. Once you've decided what stories you're going to use, you can easily fit in little jokes now and again. Also, I didn't practice it. I just rattled it off after a quick read through the night before and went for it. I hate the sound of it being too rehearsed. Have a bit just before your last story where you are nice to the groom, before hammering him with the most embarrassing story to close. The one thing (other than the opening) that I nicked from the internet was my closing line: "As (groom's name) said to (bride's name) the first time she saw him naked, thanks for laughing!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I think I'd have probably started writing it a week ago, rather than fifteen months. There is such a thing as over preparing. It will almost definitely be terrible, I'd rip it up and start it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I think I'd have probably started writing it a week ago, rather than fifteen months. There is such a thing as over preparing. It will almost definitely be terrible, I'd rip it up and start it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigWalrus 0 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I agree. I rewrote mine the night before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADP 0 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) My mate's was so bad it was awesome. He's not a natural public speeker and is also shit with the drink..combine the two and it equalled epic fail. He had cue cards which we stole off him afterwards where he'd inserted 'pause for laughter' at certain points..if only he'd been so lucky. Anyway, his best mans speech about another of my mates turned into a drunken breakdown about how his fiance had left him. He laughs about it now. That's hilarious. One-liners are a good opener, but not use the whole way through. My mate is writing one for another mate atm, he showed me some of it the other day. Don't know if he ripped it from somewhere but his opener was 'I don't mean to sound patronising... does everyone know what that means?' and then proceeded to some cracking material, from stories of the past to hypothetical ways the marriage could end disastrously (all laying it onto the groom and giving the bride a pass). Was good stuff, really creative and self-referential. Edited May 2, 2013 by ADP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12767 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 "I just flew here and boy, are these two making a grand outdated gesture for absolutely no real reason at all, huh?!" would be a good opener. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8994 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Now for the worst ten minutes of the Groom's day, the worst ten minutes of the Bride's day comes later AMIRIGHT? (Go to hi-5 the father of the bride here) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 4869 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Did my first best man speech two weeks ago. I was ok until about an hour beforehand then started getting really nervous. I started with "Before I start I’ve got to be honest. I was a little bit nervous about doing a speech today. So I prepared a few lines beforehand to help me get through it. Now that I’ve snorted them I feel great, so let’s get on with the speech." AND ended with a classic. "So to bring this speech to an end, i'd just like to wish them a happy honeymoon in North Wales..... I presume that is where they are going, because Paul said he said he's going to BANGOR for a week." All of it went down well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19826 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Did my first best man speech two weeks ago. I was ok until about an hour beforehand then started getting really nervous. I started with "Before I start I’ve got to be honest. I was a little bit nervous about doing a speech today. So I prepared a few lines beforehand to help me get through it. Now that I’ve snorted them I feel great, so let’s get on with the speech." AND ended with a classic. "So to bring this speech to an end, i'd just like to wish them a happy honeymoon in North Wales..... I presume that is where they are going, because Paul said he said he's going to BANGOR for a week." All of it went down well. Both a bit close to the bone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Did my first best man speech two weeks ago. I was ok until about an hour beforehand then started getting really nervous. I started with "Before I start I’ve got to be honest. I was a little bit nervous about doing a speech today. So I prepared a few lines beforehand to help me get through it. Now that I’ve snorted them I feel great, so let’s get on with the speech." AND ended with a classic. "So to bring this speech to an end, i'd just like to wish them a happy honeymoon in North Wales..... I presume that is where they are going, because Paul said he said he's going to BANGOR for a week." All of it went down well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19826 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 I'm going for a slide show of embarrassing pictures to throw on a projector screen, from cute baby pics to embarrassing adolescent shots, plenty of dodgy haircuts and him passed out and wasted to help with stories. The speech is sorted. Just not sure about which icebreaker to go for. Getting a cheesy one liner in early door is essential but don't want to use one that's been done to death Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38779 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 "I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I‘d found some really, really good stuff. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech." "The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19826 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Share Posted May 3, 2013 On reflection I'm tempted to go for the snorting lines line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34508 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 It wouldn't have gone over great at my wedding. You're in London though, they're all at it. It'll bring the house down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8994 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Aye, that would go down like a Lead Balloon at any of my family shindigs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 On reflection I'm tempted to go for the snorting lines line. Maybe a dab of talc in your hand to "sneeze" out at the same time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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