PaddockLad 14585 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 One finger up the ring from a stunning young blonde junior doctor with a very tidy nurse in attendance to hold my hand…it was more like a dream than a medical examination tbh 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26351 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 Must've been embarrassing when the Gerbil escaped though? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14585 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 I know nothing of what you speak…. keep your PIRA torture methods to yourself you filthy deviant 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9232 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 Richard Gere has entered the chat 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19825 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 reading the previous page is a reminder why i never go to see the doctor about anything 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38768 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 4 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: reading the previous page is a reminder why i never go to see the doctor about anything You can pay certain ladies to bury the knuckles if you’re not keen on doctors, so I’m told. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5508 Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 On 01/02/2024 at 08:34, Renton said: I've had a DRE, it was okay apart from the embarassment factor. Colonscopy was much, much worse. Fortunately I've never had an endoscopy which sounds horrendous. I've had both a fair few times. I had some pretty horrific bowel problems a few years ago - I'd get the camera up over the camera down any day - at least up you can get high on the gas and air. Plus the moviprep (as disgusting as it is to taste) is funny as fuck to be a part of as it exits - especially weighing yourself before and after to see how much your shit weighs. That said I'd take the capsule endoscopy over both - it's a long and boring day but at least you just swallow a tiny camera and you still get to blast high pressure water out of your arse to the hilarity of everyone in the house the night before. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17783 Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 4 minutes ago, Dazzler said: I've had both a fair few times. I had some pretty horrific bowel problems a few years ago - I'd get the camera up over the camera down any day - at least up you can get high on the gas and air. Plus the moviprep (as disgusting as it is to taste) is funny as fuck to be a part of as it exits - especially weighing yourself before and after to see how much your shit weighs. That said I'd take the capsule endoscopy over both - it's a long and boring day but at least you just swallow a tiny camera and you still get to blast high pressure water out of your arse to the hilarity of everyone in the house the night before. Think mine was a sigmoidoscopy so you cleaned yourself out with an enema in the shower, alas not a champagne one. I don't remember any gas or owt like that either. I'm due a full colonoscopy now like. Really the NHS should have picked this up and be nagging me but that doesn't really happen any more, like a lot of NHS activity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 5912 Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 I had an endoscopy once. They gave me Midazolam before which is effectively rohypnol. Awake through the whole thing but had a 20min gap in my memory. Bizarre. My bum hurt a little bit afterwards too 👈🏼 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17783 Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 15 minutes ago, Kid Dynamite said: 20m gape 16 minutes ago, Kid Dynamite said: My bum hurt a little bit afterwards too 👈🏼 Yes, I am a manchild. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38768 Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 6 hours ago, Dazzler said: especially weighing yourself before and after to see how much your shit weighs. My all-time record is just shy of 2lbs. Doesn’t sound much… oh, but it is. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9232 Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 10 hours ago, Dazzler said: I've had both a fair few times. I had some pretty horrific bowel problems a few years ago - I'd get the camera up over the camera down any day - at least up you can get high on the gas and air. Plus the moviprep (as disgusting as it is to taste) is funny as fuck to be a part of as it exits - especially weighing yourself before and after to see how much your shit weighs. That said I'd take the capsule endoscopy over both - it's a long and boring day but at least you just swallow a tiny camera and you still get to blast high pressure water out of your arse to the hilarity of everyone in the house the night before. 4 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: My all-time record is just shy of 2lbs. Doesn’t sound much… oh, but it is. If I could've only picked two people here who would've done that - 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blastronaut 1236 Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 On 02/02/2024 at 21:22, Monkeys Fist said: My all-time record is just shy of 2lbs. Doesn’t sound much… oh, but it is. Someone give this man an enema. It will give him a sense of accomplishment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8989 Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 8 hours ago, Blastronaut said: Someone give this man an enema. It will give him a sense of accomplishment. No shit 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38768 Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9232 Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 The doctor says "Okay, Steve, let's not get an erection again during the procedure." The man looks at the doctor confused, and says "My name isn't Steve, it's Dave." The doctor says "I know. I'm Steve." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17783 Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 I've got my first cold since 2019. Headache, sore throat, coughing, sneezing, sinusitis, phlegm, insomnia, feel like crap. I used to get this 3 or 4 times a year and have comletely forgotten how shit this is. Thank fuck for working from home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34469 Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Have you done a covid test? My gran's funeral was a month or so back and most of the attendees ended up with covid. Not me like, cos I am fucking rock/anti-social. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17783 Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Jut rooted through my cupboard, found a single test 2 months out of date, one of the first generation ones where you had to swab your throat as well making you want to gag. Negative. We were talking at work the other day, did Covid really happen? All those bizarre rules etc, seems like a dream now. I remember one day we wanted to go out for a meal, we were staying in Berwick. At the time, Northern England was in lock down but Scotland wasn't, so we hopped over the border to a pub in Paxton and had Sunday Lunch. But the rules there were you were only allowed to drink alcohol outside, but you could have food and soft drinks inside. So had a pint outside, a Sunday dinner and soft drink inside, then another pint outside. The real irony is I couldn't even afford that nowadays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobos 297 Posted April 2 Share Posted April 2 So, This year, I've been mostly wondering why , when sat on the throne pushing out a curler , my piss is now deflecting off the underside of the toilet seat and either: 1. Running down the toilet itself and making an unsightly pool on the floor or 2. disaster - wetting the back of my trousers - thankfully when at home. Anyone else? Pre-empting any helpful questions: 1. No , it's definitely a new thing on the same toilets 2. I dont think it's changed - it was normal weather too , the only thing thats changed is the depth of hang of the balls - they are definitely half inching closer to the floor every 2- 3 years. 3. I am about 10kg heavier than this time 3 years ago. (94kg, 5ft 11) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spongebob toonpants 3604 Posted April 2 Share Posted April 2 1 hour ago, scoobos said: I am about 10kg heavier Dergo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5508 Posted April 2 Share Posted April 2 On 21/03/2024 at 09:31, Renton said: I've got my first cold since 2019. Headache, sore throat, coughing, sneezing, sinusitis, phlegm, insomnia, feel like crap. I used to get this 3 or 4 times a year and have comletely forgotten how shit this is. Thank fuck for working from home. I have something like this now - One of my kids brought it home from school and it's fucking awful. I had no more than sniffles since 2020 up until September 2023 and I can honestly say I have had at least one terrible cold like virus a month since the little bastard went back to school. Tested negative every time - purely as an obligation to my parents who are both old and in poor health - B and M do the tests for a quid these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14585 Posted April 2 Share Posted April 2 1 hour ago, scoobos said: So, This year, I've been mostly wondering why , when sat on the throne pushing out a curler , my piss is now deflecting off the underside of the toilet seat and either: 1. Running down the toilet itself and making an unsightly pool on the floor or 2. disaster - wetting the back of my trousers - thankfully when at home. Anyone else? Pre-empting any helpful questions: 1. No , it's definitely a new thing on the same toilets 2. I dont think it's changed - it was normal weather too , the only thing thats changed is the depth of hang of the balls - they are definitely half inching closer to the floor every 2- 3 years. 3. I am about 10kg heavier than this time 3 years ago. (94kg, 5ft 11) Thats your flow getting slower as you age. Also remember when you could jizz onto your wife’s face from the other side of the bedroom? That stops too. Not sure if the two things are connected? @Renton will know. He’s some sort ot pen pushing pharmacy quack type dude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17783 Posted April 2 Share Posted April 2 23 minutes ago, PaddockLad said: Thats your flow getting slower as you age. Also remember when you could jizz onto your wife’s face from the other side of the bedroom? That stops too. Not sure if the two things are connected? @Renton will know. He’s some sort ot pen pushing pharmacy quack type dude I'm a hospital porter by qualifications but have you seen paper mask? And aye, enlarged prostate maybe, combined with fat bastarditis, also prevalent with impending middle age and worse. Probably not cancer, don't worry too much. I remember the days I could blind Mrs Rents from 30 yards with a jizz bolt. That's finished beyond the age of 30 unless you're a sexual athlete, and the only thing athletic about me nowadays is my fungal foot infection. It's been one of those days. Hoping a Newcastle victory and Pickford autocombustion will cheer me up. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34469 Posted April 2 Share Posted April 2 If you're pissing out of the toilet when you're having a shit, stop getting a stiffy when the poo comes out would be my advice. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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