Gemmill 34502 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Remembered another, quite young playing with my M.A.S.K figures, obviously put one of the figures in my mouth because why wouldn't you. Part of it come off and I started choking, me mother picked me up and ran across the road to a neighbour who was a nurse. She was carrying me upside down and battering me on the back, the part came out in the middle of the road, but I couldn't tell her cos she was hitting me so hard. M.A.S.K! What was that all about again?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobos 297 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) lol I meant only in Saskatchewan in Canada you numpties. But a bit scary they're over in BC now, the hospital was adamant in 2005 ish that they were only in southern sas. A cassowary might well be a bird, but its a five foot high fooker with razor sharp claws and head. I really should read all posts in a thread before replying Edited July 7, 2015 by scoobos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toonotl 2427 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 When I was about 11, my little sister and me were having bike races around the yard finishing at the end of the driveway. It was timed with one person riding and the other person timing. The timer was supposed to stand guard at the end of the driveway to warn for cars. On about my third go, my sister forgot to run down to the bottom of the driveway after taking my split time rounding the clothesline. As any elite athlete knows, you know when you're on a good time, and I was on an unbelievably quick time so there was no way I was stopping. I crossed the finish line continuing out into the street, and straight into the side of a passing delivery truck. Needed to go to the doc to get stitches in my face. If I'd been a bit quicker I would have probably ended up under the truck and on the news in a report on the death of a future Olympic track pursuit star. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34502 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 From the clothesline to the end of the line. That's the headline I would have gone with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toonotl 2427 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) "Special delivery to Heaven's gate" or "Hot lap to Hell" - I was a dangerous youth. Edited July 8, 2015 by toonotl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26385 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I'd go with 'Stupid fucking kid crashes into lorry'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toonotl 2427 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30420 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I once choked on a bacon sandwich. I spluttered and coughed for a bit then dropped to my knees. Really thought I was a goner but somehow managed to hook a bit of it with my finger and pull it out. Always chew your food! Not the only thing you and Mama Cass have in common Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strawb 3660 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 M.A.S.K! What was that all about again?! All I know is she chucked all my figures out with my micro machines and he-man stuff. I remember there being a M.A.S.K cartoon as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makom 0 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 "Inconsiderate child delays beer delivery" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makom 0 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Not really cheating per se, but too close to comfort. Due to drink I've been caught out in the snow or the moors in wildly inappropriate clothing (i.e T-shirt and jeans), and only avoided hypothermia through sheer luck. Also crashed while drunk, and been on the losing end of a pretty serious high speed road rage incident that could have ended up with me rolling over down a motorway embankment. Had at least one near drowning incident after canoing in the sea - capsized in just a few feet of water, which you woudn't think was dangerous until you realise how vulnerable you are to being knocked out from the sea bed. As it was I didn't go out cold, but in the daze I made a right pig's ear of the escape procedure. I also once pulled the trigger on a rifle thinking it was unloaded, when it actually had a live round in it and duly sent the bullet on its merry way. Obviously the rifle wasn't pointing anywhere dangerous as I'm not dead or in prison for murder, but it could well have been. There must be others too, esp. from childhood, that I've forgotten about in my old age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34502 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 That's weird, you don't at all seem the type that would get embroiled in a road rage incident, trying to convince another motorist that you and not they were the one in the right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strawb 3660 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 ... Also crashed while drunk, .. Confirmed arsehole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makom 0 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 They were in the wrong of course, I'm a very good driver, when sober. They cut me up at around 80mph, avoiding my front bumper by millimeters. I just made the mistake of not taking into account the difference in weight and power of our respective vehicles, and rather lost out in the ensuing episode of Death Race. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34502 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 They were in the wrong of course, I'm a very good driver, when sober. They cut me up at around 80mph, avoiding my front bumper by millimeters. I just made the mistake of not taking into account the difference in weight and power of our respective vehicles, and rather lost out in the ensuing episode of Death Race. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 Once entered a swimming gala with the Cubs. Didn't find out until poolside that armbands were not allowed. Thought, fuck it and dived in anyway without them and sank before being rescued by a lifeguard. #badparenting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makom 0 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Confirmed arsehole. Confirmed obsessive. I may have once been a drunk driver, but you will always be the sort of cunt who just can't let it go that I made you look like a tit on an internet forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strawb 3660 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 They were in the wrong of course, I'm a very good driver, when sober. They cut me up at around 80mph, avoiding my front bumper by millimeters. I just made the mistake of not taking into account the difference in weight and power of our respective vehicles, and rather lost out in the ensuing episode of Death Race. You were driving drunk, refer to my previous comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makom 0 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I just kept swallowing over and over again and it gradually went down I'm guessing that was not the first time you've had that sort of terrifying experience at a Christmas party.....AMIRIGHT? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34502 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ 0 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I got swine flu. Now that was no fun. Was not in any danger of actually kicking the bucket, but fuck me I've never been more ill in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34502 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Classic Scotsman move. The sickliest nation on earth, I reckon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 5923 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I had norovirus last year. Easily the poorliest I've been. Threw up around 40 times and was right as rain 36 hours later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3205 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Classic Scotsman move. The sickliest nation on earth, I reckon. But one of the most educated so we know exactly what's wrong with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34502 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Once again: you are an Englishman, playing at being Scottish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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