Newcastle's Utter Fucking Cunts versus Swansea City AFC

[Noelie 103]

Of late, Wijnaldum has been fairly anonymous and you could say that of him today. I'm still finding it difficult to understand why his fellow countryman DeJong is not being used.

I could understand Shelvey being dropped against his former team, and when he came on it showed.

Cisse was on too long, he was accomplishing very little and wasn't doing much work off the ball.

Tiote didn't do too bad considering.

Anita did OK in the right back position but he lacks Janmaat's attacking forays.

Dummet, Mbemba, Lasceles, Colback, Townsend, Sissoko, all put in a decent shift.

[ewerk 26326]

How did Sissoko play? Thinking about it I can understand Rafa's reasoning for hoping that a clearly talented player might rise to the challenge of being given the captain's armband.

[Kid Dynamite 5906]

He ran around a bit more, got a lucky bounce for the goal. Still nowhere near his best performances for us

[gpirlo68 0]

How did Sissoko play? Thinking about it I can understand Rafa's reasoning for hoping that a clearly talented player might rise to the challenge of being given the captain's armband.

Played alright to be fair, giving the armband might of been a good idea. He gave the ball away and then tracked all the way back and put in a brilliant tackle which he might not have done before.

 

I might give him shit but he does have a lot of ability

[scoobos 297]

Great result. Sissoko just lashed it in from 5foot didn't he? I'm not saying the useless tucker has ability yet.....

[TheGingerQuiff 2412]

Lascelles was my MOTM

[Dr Gloom 19822]

Anita didn't out a foot wrong. Feels strange saying that

[trophyshy 6434]

Next match thread requires similarly abusive tone. Could've made the difference.

[Gemmill 34441]

This is just gonna make it all the more brutal when they go down. A mini rally was the last thing anyone needed.

 

[Dr Gloom 19822]

How's your Pixel C working out?

[Gemmill 34441]

[emoji38]suck my balls!

[McFaul 35]

3-0 to kickstart our climb to safety.

Good lad.

[ewerk 26326]

If only I'd put my money where my mouth was.

[gpirlo68 0]

Anita didn't out a foot wrong. Feels strange saying that

Townsend helped him out a lot on the right hand side, they did well together

[Dr Gloom 19822]

Townsend looking the best of the January signings on evidence so far. End product isn't always there but I like his work rate and he's much better on the right where he's dangerous cutting inside

[David Kelly 1117]

Felt a bit sick celebrating Sissoko score but it was a massive relief. Hopefully that will inspire him to put a bit of effort in for the last few games before he leaves. Thought Anita and Lascelles in particular played well. He's a young centreback and will make mistakes but I think you can see something in him. He tries to organise more than our so called captain does too.

[The Fish 8989]

Anita didn't out a foot wrong. Feels strange saying that

Thought Montero was terrible, not sure how much of that was down to Anita's good work, or just Montero being a bag of turds?

[adios 717]

I thought it was down to Anita sticking to him like glue. He was very good for most of the match.

[toonotl 2411]

Thought Montero was terrible, not sure how much of that was down to Anita's good work, or just Montero being a bag of turds?

 

The South American Obertan.

[The Fish 8989]

Caulkin's match report;

 

 

Newcastle United 3 Swansea City 0

 

 

There is nothing more beguiling or terrifying than hope. At 3pm on Saturday, St James’ Park was leaden with resignation, but two hours later something had stirred and Rafa Benítez was being serenaded with a giggly chorus of “Happy Birthday”. Numbness had been replaced by noise, by a tickle in the stomach, that nagging suggestion of possibility. Three points tomorrow and Newcastle United will be out of the bottom three.

 

 

A flickering ember is vulnerable to a zephyr — they play Manchester City, before travelling to Anfield on Saturday — but at least that flicker is there. And so the supporters who had given up, who had accepted the cold, loveless embrace of relegation, who had made their peace with it during these last, hapless months, must now rouse themselves and believe again. Hope is fickle and it is agonising.

 

 

Benítez’s fifth match as manager brought a first, belated victory and, thanks to Sunderland’s earlier thrashing of Norwich City, his team remain in touch with the two teams above them. They have achieved nothing and all the old doubts linger — at 1-0 up against Swansea City, they quivered with tension — but three goals and a clean sheet represent a base for momentum. On the training ground, the manager can point to progress.

 

 

The previous weekend, after a supine 3-1 defeat at Southampton, Jamaal Lascelles shredded his side’s lack of “character, desire and heart”. They were only words, but after two seasons of drift, the starkness was necessary. That they came from a 22-year-old centre half who has started six league games for Newcastle is illustrative of their dearth of leadership and team-building, but they had an effect.

 

 

“The desire has always been there,” Lascelles, who scored with a glancing header, said. “You have to have it as an individual and technically we’ve got great talent, but we’ve not shown the heart and fight. We had big characters today, characters who have come out of their shells. We have to show we’re giving 100 per cent. We should have been doing it all season, that’s the most frustrating thing.”

 

 

Newcastle are unbalanced and their recruitment has been abysmal, but they have also wilted; Moussa Sissoko and Georginio Wijnaldum often retreat into invisibility. “If we had played like this, we’d be much higher up the league,” Lascelles said. “It’s a breath of fresh air. People were umming and ahing about whether we could do it, but we showed we’re no pushovers. In the changing room beforehand, there was just something there. Everybody wanted it.”

 

 

Given the wider landscape — Sunderland’s improvement, Newcastle’s seven league wins all season, their disadvantage in the table — the prospect of safety remains remote. Benítez’s appointment as Steve McClaren’s replacement was late and uplift has been elusive, but skinny margins are better than none. “It’s a make-or-break week,” Andros Townsend said. “We were written off, but we knew a good game was coming.”

 

 

Townsend delivered, firing in the corners which led to goals for Lascelles and Sissoko, before adding a third in the 89th minute, and there is no scope for slackening now.

“I don’t think we have to be realistic about Manchester City,” Lascelles said. “On paper, people would put them down to win but Leicester City are top of the league and nobody thought that would happen. Just because there’s a blue shirt in front of you doesn’t mean you’ll lose. They’re 11 men, just like us.”

Benítez did what he could, omitting five players who had started at St Mary’s, including Jonjo Shelvey, the captain. Left out against the side he joined Newcastle from for £12 million in January, the England international conceded it had been his hardest week on Tyneside.

 

 

“In terms of results, yes,” he said. “And the gaffer is always keeping you guessing about whether you’re going to play or not. No one can rest on their laurels.

“It’s frustrating not to start against my former club but it’s not about me, it’s about the team and winning. I was a bit surprised, but he knows what he’s doing so you can’t exactly sit here and criticise him with his CV, which speaks for itself.

 

 

“I didn’t get an explanation before but I’m sure he’ll put me aside and tell me. Even if you’ve had a good game, there’s still a chance you might not play the next one with this man.”

Newcastle need that discomfort, although Swansea were accommodating, sated on 40 points. “Two months ago, we were in a difficult position, but we want to finish the season well,” Federico Fernández, the Swansea defender, said.

 

 

Tyneside was grateful. “We’ve given people a bit of belief,” Lascelles said but nufc.com, the independent website, found an appropriate tone. “Let’s go down fighting at least — with dignity and defiance,” they wrote. Hope has returned, but it is brittle.

 

 

 

Ratings

Newcastle United (4-2-3-1): K Darlow 6 — V Anita 6, C Mbemba 6, J Lascelles 7, P Dummett 5 — C Tioté 7 (sub: J Shelvey, 66min 5), J Colback 5 — A Townsend 8, M Sissoko 7, G Wijnaldum 4 (sub: A Pérez, 73) — P Cissé 6 (sub: A Mitrovic, 80). Substitutes not used: S de Jong, G Obertan, R Aarons, F Woodman. Booked:Mbemba, Anita.

 

 

Swansea City (4-2-3-1): L Fabianski 4 — A Rangel 5, F Fernández 5, A Williams 6, N Taylor 5 — J Cork 5, L Fer 5 (sub: M Barrow, 57 6) — A Ayew 6 (sub: B Gomis, 71), G Sigurdsson 5, J Montero 6 — A Paloschi 4 (sub: W Routledge 84). Substitutes not used: J Amat, L Britton, K Nordfeldt, K Naughton. Booked: Fer.

[ToonMarshy 2]

Think its a bit of a false scoreline if i'm honest.
Dont get me wrong its done wonders for goal difference compared to norwich after their run in with our red headed six toed neighbours - but it wasnt a comfortable 3-0 win.
Two goals against knackered players in the death end of the match doesnt make up for the 40 minutes previous of still looking like we are about to fall apart at any moment, and any team that wasnt firing blanks would have buried about 4 of the chances they had in that time.

Nice to get a win, nice to get a clean sheet - but i genuinely cant see anything other than the goal difference taking another 6 goal defecit tomorrow, and MAYBE scrape a draw out of either the pool or spurs fixtures.

Edited April 18, 2016 by ToonMarshy

[The Fish 8989]

I don't think anyone is getting carried away with that result.

 

It was always going to be one of the more winnable games, but the hope was that we could stay in touch with Norwich and sunderland. We've done that.

 

We're 4 points off 17th at the minute and the anticipated losses to Man City and Liverpool won't change that. Norwich play Arsenal and Man Utd next. It's entirely possible that we can get 6 points from Palace and Villa. We need to better Norwich (and sunderland's) point haul by 3.

 

I don't think we're going to take points from Man City, Liverpool or Spurs, but if Norwich only manage a couple of draws we can definitely catch them.

 

Sunderland have a worrying set of games;

• Arsenal (h),
• Stoke (a),
• Chelsea (h),
• Everton (h) &
• Watford (a).

Stoke, Chelsea, Everton and Watford are all on the beach, but they're all more than capable of beating sunderland wearing their flip-flops.

 

I'm still confident we're down, but fuck them for giving me a slither of hope.

[wykikitoon 16635]

Think its a bit of a false scoreline if i'm honest.

Dont get me wrong its done wonders for goal difference compared to norwich after their run in with our red headed six toed neighbours - but it wasnt a comfortable 3-0 win.

Two goals against knackered players in the death end of the match doesnt make up for the 40 minutes previous of still looking like we are about to fall apart at any moment, and any team that wasnt firing blanks would have buried about 4 of the chances they had in that time.

 

Nice to get a win, nice to get a clean sheet - but i genuinely cant see anything other than the goal difference taking another 6 goal defecit tomorrow, and MAYBE scrape a draw out of either the pool or spurs fixtures.

 

 

Usually its our players that are knackered due to the amount of time off they have had thumbing one off playing FIFA on their PS4s rather than training.

 

Some of the players look fitter at this stage in the season than they have all season. What the fuck was that ginger cunt doing with them?

[wykikitoon 16635]

I don't think anyone is getting carried away with that result.

 

It was always going to be one of the more winnable games, but the hope was that we could stay in touch with Norwich and sunderland. We've done that.

 

We're 4 points off 17th at the minute and the anticipated losses to Man City and Liverpool won't change that. Norwich play Arsenal and Man Utd next. It's entirely possible that we can get 6 points from Palace and Villa. We need to better Norwich (and sunderland's) point haul by 3.

 

I don't think we're going to take points from Man City, Liverpool or Spurs, but if Norwich only manage a couple of draws we can definitely catch them.

 

Sunderland have a worrying set of games;

• Arsenal (h),
• Stoke (a),
• Chelsea (h),
• Everton (h) &
• Watford (a).

Stoke, Chelsea, Everton and Watford are all on the beach, but they're all more than capable of beating sunderland wearing their flip-flops.

 

I'm still confident we're down, but fuck them for giving me a slither of hope.

 

My thoughts exactly.

[David Kelly 1117]

We're 4 points off 17th at the minute and the anticipated losses to Man City and Liverpool won't change that. Norwich play Arsenal and Man Utd next. It's entirely possible that we can get 6 points from Palace and Villa. We need to better Norwich (and sunderland's) point haul by 3.

Norwich been given an extra point the rest of us don't know about?