Eddie and Mad Dog's Couldn't Score In A Brothel, Useless, One Footed Geordie Lads v Da, Da, Dortmund, Ich Lieb' Dich Nicht, Du Liebst Mich Nicht

[Howmanheyman 27558]

42 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

 

Don’t get much more German than owld Minge-pits here. 

 

Vood.

 

Just had a disagreement with the missus which has resulted in huffiness. Trouble is I'm now trying not to laugh or smile at this thread as my wife has a vagina so will get even huffier if she thinks I'm already over the disagreement.

[PaddockLad 14909]

6 minutes ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said:

I once broke a train with a Richard.

typical squaddie behaviour  

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3279]

1 minute ago, Dazzler said:

I think this needs more depth...You can't just throw something like that out there without going into detail; it's just pure click bait otherwise.

 

 

Commuting to Glasgow turtles head on the train jumped in the bog. Had the biggest turd ever, this thing was not solid at all and still broke the water. I wiped (sitting down I’m middle class now) and flushed and turned to wash my hands. After washing I noticed the water level has risen to 2.5 cm (for the kids) to below the seat level. I tried to hit the flush button to stop it but nothing happened and arse stew started to overflow on the floor. I immediately jumped up and sat on the sink so my shoes didn’t get covered. I opened the door leaped out and closed it behind me but we were at glasgow by this time and loads of people were queuing to get out as the result of my shit was flowing out of the not water tight door. I walked away as quick as possible as people started to scream and as I was exiting and walking along the platform an emergency call was put out for cleaners and servicing staff.

[trophyshy 6443]

The Germans would love all this. They have dry shelves in their bogs to facilitate thorough inspection of die scheisse.

 

[Dr Gloom 20150]

1 hour ago, Howmanheyman said:

A few of us went to Charlton away in the early 90s, one was a total pisshead called 'scruffy fingers'. He was called it as he was a roofer and his fingers were always minging because he'd go straight for a pint after work or that was what I assumed. We stopped off at the services and scruffy fingers is already well into the kestrel super strength after being on the piss the night before, we'd been out as well TBF, so as we're having a slash he calls us over to the trap he was in. We went over not knowing what monstrosity he was giggling about and assumed he'd pebble dashed the bog or left a giant turd or something but he'd wrote 'NUFC' on the wall with his own shit and suddenly the name scruffy fingers started to make more sense the fucking fiend he was. (Once in a blue moon I'll see his van driving about and I always think 'dirty cunt').

Scruffy Fingers  

 

Sounds like one of Bob Mortimer’s old childhood mates from boro  

 

 

[Dr Gloom 20150]

32 minutes ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said:

Commuting to Glasgow turtles head on the train jumped in the bog. Had the biggest turd ever, this thing was not solid at all and still broke the water. I wiped (sitting down I’m middle class now) and flushed and turned to wash my hands. After washing I noticed the water level has risen to 2.5 cm (for the kids) to below the seat level. I tried to hit the flush button to stop it but nothing happened and arse stew started to overflow on the floor. I immediately jumped up and sat on the sink so my shoes didn’t get covered. I opened the door leaped out and closed it behind me but we were at glasgow by this time and loads of people were queuing to get out as the result of my shit was flowing out of the not water tight door. I walked away as quick as possible as people started to scream and as I was exiting and walking along the platform an emergency call was put out for cleaners and servicing staff.

[strawb 3723]

28 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

Scruffy Fingers  

 

Sounds like one of Bob Mortimer’s old childhood mates from boro  

 

 

I actually know the Bytheway family, used to play football with one em

[wykikitoon 17068]

[Dougle 2898]

I reckon Ronnie Omelettes is the one at the frront on the left

[Howmanheyman 27558]

Dortmund fans pictured on the metro after getting on at Whitley Bay.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Same metro pulling into Walkergate fifteen minutes later.....

 

[Gemmill 35515]

I bet they've all had their ears flicked right off their head.

[Dazzler 5829]

1 minute ago, Howmanheyman said:

Dortmund fans pictured on the metro after getting on at Whitley Bay.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Same metro pulling into Walkergate fifteen minutes later.....

 

"Oh nein, wir sind offenbar in die falsche Richtung gereist und in einem dystopischen Ödland gelandet, das die örtlichen Mutanten als Percy Main bezeichnen. Jemand hat meine Schuhe gestohlen und mein kleines Kind ins Gesicht geschlagen."

[Monkeys Fist 39172]

2 hours ago, sammynb said:

But can you cunts stop now otherwise I'll have nothing special for the return leg!

Here you go- the English version is the second verse, for the monophones(?) among us. 

 

 

[Anorthernsoul 1221]

This one is setup to be a very tasty fixture indeed. Both teams on a similar run of domestic form, Dortmund really need to get something out of the game to be in with any chance of doing anything in the group but the Toon are a formidable force especially at home so can Zee Germans cope with the intensity of Eddie Howe's Magpies?

 

 

I'm going 3 - 1 Newcastle

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Dr Gloom 20150]

Just landed in toon. Rozzers and Dortmund fans everywhere. Town buzzing already 

 

Blue skies and 17 degrees when I left London. Grey skies and BASTARD FREEZING up here.

 

It’s good to be home 

[Dazzler 5829]

12 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

Just landed in toon. Rozzers and Dortmund fans everywhere. Town buzzing already 

 

Blue skies and 17 degrees when I left London. Grey skies and BASTARD FREEZING up here.

 

It’s good to be home 

Freezing? Shorts and T-shirt weather this man you soft bastard. I'm watching the match in my garden having an ice bath, starkers - whilst proclaiming that I like it hot me like, but not this hot. 

[Dr Gloom 20150]

9 minutes ago, Dazzler said:

Freezing? Shorts and T-shirt weather this man you soft bastard. I'm watching the match in my garden having an ice bath, starkers - whilst proclaiming that I like it hot me like, but not this hot. 

23 years in London mate. I’ve gone full southern twat

[Dazzler 5829]

Just now, Dr Gloom said:

23 years in London mate. I’ve gone full southern twat

 

Then I predict the following interaction in your near future...

 

"Do you do lager tops, mate?"

"Does it look like a cocktail bar? Fuck off."

[Dr Gloom 20150]

3 minutes ago, Dazzler said:

 

Then I predict the following interaction in your near future...

 

"Do you do lager tops, mate?"

"Does it look like a cocktail bar? Fuck off."

Ok, maybe not the full southern twat  

 

I do however wear a puffer coat when it’s this Baltic! 

[wykikitoon 17068]

1 hour ago, Dr Gloom said:

Ok, maybe not the full southern twat  

 

I am however wearing a puffter coat for powerhouse after

 

Dazzler your post 

[The Fish 9234]

Someone more up to speed with the Bundesliga might correct me, but it doesn't look like they've played anyone decent yet. People on podcasts saying Dortmund aren't that good right now. 

 

2-0

[wykikitoon 17068]

Apparently they're on form.  I think our first loss in the ECL tonight. 1-0 to Dortmund.

[aimaad22 3619]

11 minutes ago, wykikitoon said:

Apparently they're on form.  I think our first loss in the ECL tonight. 1-0 to Dortmund.

 

[The Fish 9234]

6 minutes ago, wykikitoon said:

Apparently they're on form.  I think our first loss in the ECL tonight. 1-0 to Dortmund.

Aye but who've they played?

 

They've played 4 of the bottom 5 and no one in the top 5.

[wykikitoon 17068]

Just now, The Fish said:

Aye but who've they played?

 

They've played 4 of the bottom 5 and no one in the top 5.

 

True.  Can only beat whats in front of you though.