Gemmill 35660 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 Never knowingly impregnated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39200 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 3 minutes ago, Gemmill said: Never consensually impregnated. TAXI! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 35660 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 All charges were dropped. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26870 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 'There was no way she could have gotten pregnant with the hole I was using m'lud. The defence rests.' 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9270 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 46 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: Kinky bitch! I am how God made me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18087 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 59 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: Father time finally catches up and at fifty I've had to get some reading glasses. When you factor in that, putting a bit of weight on and my now shaven head I've went from tall, dark and handsome to looking like junior soprano* in the space of a couple of years. *He always reminds me of my dad. Now me as well. This has just happened to me. For the past few years, when I've been on holiday and had a break from the work monitors, everything has been out of focus for a bit, but eventually resolved to normal (not small physical print mind). But this January, I can't read a fucking thing close up. Long sight is fine, but I'm using some pound shop reading glasses to work. Worst thing is I can't read my phone either. So a trip to the opticians beckons, and I know for a fact that is the start of further visual detioration until I end up like this. In town today I saw there is aplace called Pop Specs which was on Dragon's Den just 2 weeks ago, where they can make a prescription while you wait. Tempted, 'til I remembered am I fuck funding any of those Dragons Den cunts. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39200 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 41 minutes ago, ewerk said: 'There was no way she could have gotten pregnant with the hole I was using m'lud. The defence rests.' “ The Crown accepts the defendant is innocent on the grounds of Jaffa and Batty , however, there is a compensatory claim for damages outstanding. The driver of the minicab, a Mr. Chris. Mastree, has submitted a list of cleaning charges following the incident in question; Cleaning of batter ( fanny)- £50 Disposal of 40kg of empty pizza boxes ( duck flavour)- £50 Disposal of 14 (pairs) of soiled, XXXL Asda Menswear y-fronts. - £50 Disposal of 1 condom ( XXS) - £50 Loss of earnings and mental suffering - £5080. Mr. Mastree has offered to waive the financial penalties if defendant carries out 100hrs of unpaid service at North East Solo Metectors Club. What say you Mr. Gemmil?” ” Cash or cheque?” 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18087 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 6 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: cheque Showing your age there Grandad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39200 Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 5 minutes ago, Renton said: Showing your age there Grandad. Speak up 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26870 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Be careful out there. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 17128 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26870 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Really puts our injury problems in perspective. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26870 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Fuck you @wykikitoon 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5924 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 24 minutes ago, ewerk said: Really puts our injury problems in perspective. They'll be recalling Harry from his loan in the states at this rate. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 17128 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 32 minutes ago, ewerk said: Fuck you @wykikitoon Good job they dont do that with motorists there would be fuck all else on the news Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 20198 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 48 minutes ago, ewerk said: Fuck you @wykikitoon they’re going to be very busy if this sets a new precedent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 6098 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 On 17/01/2024 at 13:37, The Fish said: There's a lad I went to Uni with, came from a respected boarding school, he got a 2:2 in Aviation and Pilot Studies. He had enough money from inheritance to pay for the pilot training course. Instead he blew pretty much all of it on a trip around South East Asia, drugs and drink when he came back. He's never held down a proper job despite being well spoken, affable and all that. Every time he gets fired it's because the boss had it in for him, or the company was 'dodgy'. He's currently living with his sister and her partner, rent free. She even pays his mobile phone bill for him. I used to feel a sort of fraternal responsibility for him, offering guidance when asked, support when needed and a little tough love too. I even set him up with a sparky mate who was going to take him on as an apprentice but the lad never showed up. Other friends from Uni have done similar, those that haven't distanced themselves already. None of it's worked so now he's just a bloke I chat about football with. He's still not got a permanent job, still spending what ever money he comes across on drink and drugs, still blaming everyone else for life not working out for him. He had every opportunity in life and has fucked it entirely. Point is, some people can't be helped and you'll better off not letting their fuck ups be part of your life. His parents must be gutted that they put him through boarding school and he ended up with a 2:2 at a poly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 20198 Posted January 18 Share Posted January 18 Nowt wrong with a Desmond 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27667 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 12 hours ago, ewerk said: Really puts our injury problems in perspective. Fucking sycophantic toad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26870 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 11 hours ago, wykikitoon said: Good job they dont do that with motorists there would be fuck all else on the news Funny how the cunts suddenly manage to cycle in single file once they realise it's the police behind them, eh? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30835 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 On 17/01/2024 at 13:37, The Fish said: There's a lad I went to Uni with, came from a respected boarding school, he got a 2:2 in Aviation and Pilot Studies. He had enough money from inheritance to pay for the pilot training course. Instead he blew pretty much all of it on a trip around South East Asia, drugs and drink when he came back. He's never held down a proper job despite being well spoken, affable and all that. Every time he gets fired it's because the boss had it in for him, or the company was 'dodgy'. He's currently living with his sister and her partner, rent free. She even pays his mobile phone bill for him. I used to feel a sort of fraternal responsibility for him, offering guidance when asked, support when needed and a little tough love too. I even set him up with a sparky mate who was going to take him on as an apprentice but the lad never showed up. Other friends from Uni have done similar, those that haven't distanced themselves already. None of it's worked so now he's just a bloke I chat about football with. He's still not got a permanent job, still spending what ever money he comes across on drink and drugs, still blaming everyone else for life not working out for him. He had every opportunity in life and has fucked it entirely. Point is, some people can't be helped and you'll better off not letting their fuck ups be part of your life. The rest of his money, did he just waste it? 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18087 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 9 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: Nowt wrong with a Desmond Maybe in the days of polys. With grade inflation a Desmond is now a turd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27667 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 (edited) Errrr, I think I'll just pass despite it having a competitive minimum wage, on-site parking and only statutory holiday entitlement, (probably statutory sickness too) but it was a tough decision knowing I'll be giving up a chance to get a birthday and Christmas card from the Dickson family. Didn't even notice the amazing X1 death in service or the 3% pension. They've got a fucking cheek charging the prices they do is all I'm saying. Edited January 19 by Howmanheyman 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18087 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 Work location: in person? You work within yourself? Damn, I much prefer transmutation into being somebody else. I'm out. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27667 Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 "I'm afraid you've just fallen short of your annual targets, err, HMHM.... and as such, I'm terribly sorry to have to say there'll be no birthday or Christmas card from Mrs Dickson or myself this year." 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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