Howmanheyman 27667 Posted December 21, 2023 Share Posted December 21, 2023 7 minutes ago, PaddockLad said: Yeah the main water bond should’ve gone to the new stop cock position. If your sparky didn’t do it he needs his arse kucking. If he left his test sheets for the new installation check on there there’s a box to say whether it’s done, if it’s not been moved he’s falsifying legal declarations the cunt I've absolutely no idea about a sparky being present when that job was done bit everything was piecemeal and took what seemed forever. If I could be arsed I'd get up and pull the dishwasher out for a better look but I don't know how much give is on the waste pipe and I can't be arsed plus don't want to damage the floor plus can't be arsed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18088 Posted December 21, 2023 Share Posted December 21, 2023 Do you have a lamp post near your home HMHM? I've got a mate who can solve all your problems, no more leccy utility bills either. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18088 Posted December 21, 2023 Share Posted December 21, 2023 I had a mate living in Tyne Dale who met a bloke in a pub who offered to connect him to the gas grid for a large one off fee. Talking thousands but a pure one off capital cost. Made a bit of a mess of his approach road, but it worked really well at first, free gas! Then one day it suddenly it stopped working. Bloke isn't answering his phone so my mate has to dig up the feed pipe himself to see what's happened. Finds it connected to a now empty Calor gas cylinder. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26871 Posted December 21, 2023 Share Posted December 21, 2023 One for @Craig 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18088 Posted December 21, 2023 Share Posted December 21, 2023 I was given a lovely jelly baby today at work. Something about it didn't feel right.... What a depraved world we live in. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 5086 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 10 hours ago, Renton said: I was given a lovely jelly baby today at work. Something about it didn't feel right.... What a depraved world we live in. Did you give it a good suck before swallowing it? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9536 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 1 minute ago, Holden McGroin said: Did you give it a good suck before swallowing it? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18088 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 Well, it's suddenly very quiet here now most people have finished work! Six hours left for me. Merry fucking christmas everyone! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5924 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 I thought it was down to it being frequented by a bunch of blokes, most of whom will be panic shopping at this moment in time, as they thought the weekend would be a fucking nightmare - whinging about queues, "why aren't these cunts at work?" etc. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 35660 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 Just finished wrapping so I'm all done. Feels good to be a Christmas gangsta. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5924 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 "Where's my ho, ho ho's at?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27667 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 40 minutes ago, Dazzler said: I thought it was down to it being frequented by a bunch of blokes, most of whom will be panic shopping at this moment in time, as they thought the weekend would be a fucking nightmare - whinging about queues, "why aren't these cunts at work?" etc. I had to go to Sainsbury's instead of just Wallsend as I needed more than veg. Parking wasn't straightforward and the shop was full of 50/60 year old couples blocking the aisles while they discussed what they needed but I knew what I needed, had the scanner, sharp got in and out and drove out the sneaky way so was back home within an hour. I was thinking of getting the wife some perfume she wanted but she says the silver link is stowed off so it's the thought that counts. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27667 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 12.26 today.... What a sad, sad cunt I am. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 14145 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 4 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: 12.26 today.... What a sad, sad cunt I am. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18088 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 4 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: 12.26 today.... What a sad, sad cunt I am. You think you're sad? Mind, at least I'm at work... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5924 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 (edited) I'm just waiting for the nod at my office window from the gaffer to indicate that he's fine if I fuck off early. I'm pretty much done work wise - there's no-one else in to give me anything to do. I'm even holding in a piss to the point I can barely contain it just to add some stress and excitement to my day when I inevitably have to lump 15 stone of fat-mess at a world record speed to the bog to avoid the shame and embarrassment of pissing myself at work again. Edited December 22, 2023 by Dazzler 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 14145 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 My bosses are German so am I fuck being allowed to finish early. Doesn't mean I'll actually be doing much work though. And the mother-in-law is coming to stay tonight so the delights never end. (I like her really, I just resent having to make the house vaguely presentable.) 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18088 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 11 minutes ago, Dazzler said: I'm just waiting for the nod at my office window from the gaffer to indicate that he's fine if I fuck off early. I'm pretty much done work wise - there's no-one else in to give me anything to do. I'm even holding in a piss to the point I can barely contain it just to add some stress and excitement to my day when I inevitably have to lump 15 stone of fat-mess at a world record speed to the bog to avoid the shame and embarrassment of pissing myself at work again. You'll find yourself doing this all the time whether you like it or not in a couple of decades. Fortunately us pharmacologists have devised treatments for it, it's what i'm working on now as it happens. We really are ace. People should worship big Pharma, not deride us. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5924 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 10 minutes ago, Renton said: You'll find yourself doing this all the time whether you like it or not in a couple of decades. Fortunately us pharmacologists have devised treatments for it, it's what i'm working on now as it happens. We really are ace. People should worship big Pharma, not deride us. You got anything for the Guinness shits? My plan went a bit rogue on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 18088 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 3 minutes ago, Dazzler said: You got anything for the Guinness shits? My plan went a bit rogue on me. Lopereamide. B&M. Less than a quid a packet. WIll bung you up completely for a couple of days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 35660 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 16 stone of fat mess by Christmas Eve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5924 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 Ooh unfortunately that's incorrect. The answer I was looking for was "more Guinness" but thanks for playing 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27667 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 13 minutes ago, Meenzer said: And the mother-in-law is coming to stay tonight so the delights never end. (I like her really, I just resent having to make the house vaguely presentable.) This reminds me of an old joke. As I'm bored.... Marjorie had been invited to her son Alan's flat he shared with his flatmate Martin for some dinner. Marjorie liked Martin and thought he was a lovely lad but also thought he and Alan were an item but Alan always got evasive when Marjorie dropped hints. Anyway, a lovely meal was had by all, the odd hint was politely batted away and Marjorie went home later that night. A few days later Alan sent his mam a text; 'Mam, we've been looking all over for our big frying pan. We haven't seen it since you were around for dinner. I'm not saying you did take it and I'm not saying you didn't take it but we thought you might've borrowed it or something? Love, Alan x.' Marjorie replied to Alan's text; 'Alan, when I went to the toilet not long before I left I hid the frying pan in Martin's bed. I'm not saying you are a couple and I'm not saying you aren't a couple but if Martin was sleeping in his own bed you'd have found it by now. Lots of love, mam x x' 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5924 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 Just now, Gemmill said: 16 stone of fat mess by Christmas Eve. 14 stone of fat mess by the evening of Christmas Day, as my dinner and the alcohol mix to form the most powerful laxative in the universe. The IBS helps too like. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14944 Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 I can’t finish for Christmas till I’ve got all the lights on in the ladies WC in Boots Southampton 🥳 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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