Howmanheyman

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? They reckon he sold his soul to Santa.

Not a joke but a few years ago the place I worked at was shutting down and we were all getting made redundant so the company got in some recruitment specialists to help/talk with us. Anyway there was about 8 of us from my team sat around a table and one of the younger lads was going on about not wearing a suit for an interview and then rambling on about having a bit of a break before looking for a new job but his Dad told him to start straight away whereas his mother agreed with him to take it easy. The second he shut up I piped up, "aye, they reckon Mamma used to say, take your time, young man" cue everyone laughing except for the employment lass. Trouble was a mate not long after was really struggling to keep his laughter in and so was I. We just lost it and were nearly crying and the wife's face was a fucking picture tbh. Foaming, which just made us laugh the more.

Doorbell rang last night so I get up to answer it only to be confronted by a 7ft ant who then punched me about the head, got me down and started to lace into me. Somehow I eventually managed to close the door on him and crawled into the living room bruised, battered and bloody and told wor lass what happened. She barely looked up from her phone and said, 'aye, they reckon there's a nasty bug going around'.

Only LM was ever right.

I bought it on Amazon when it came out but was a little bit pissed when I watched it. Watched it again on Thursday. It was a good show.

A tennis players mother. Another one on Wyki's list.

There'll be a happy donkey tonight. Sorry to hear that mate.

They're relieved as well.

I was about to post something similar. Seeing some of those players including slightly forgotten ones like Belanov (some strike on that bloke), you see the greats, you see King Kev then your eye finally notices that little winnit.

Gentleman.

Donkey: "Look, that's lovely Wyki but I only wanted a carrot." Wyki: "nom nom, slurp......I'll have a tab.....slurp......when I'm done.....slurp.....and I'll..... Nom nom.....get you a carrot then."

Murphy's parents blatantly part of a consortium in talks to buy NUFC.

I had an interview for another job in October. Was told in the interview that circumstances had changed and that the job wouldn't be available till January and was I still interested? I said it wasn't a problem and after the interview she said she'd be in touch the following week. If a weeks a long time in politics then they never want to live through an interview 'week' as I'm still waiting to hear from them.

Don't remember seeing that.

Pickford getting the rave on as we speak.

The chronicle is fucking desperate but the Sunderland echo is another level of shit altogether.

Joselu: "Eeeeeeee-orrrrrrrr!"

Also starting to get a bit pissed off with our shots from free kicks. Laurent Robert-esque they certainly ain't.

He's been very average other than one game it has to be said.

It's not all down to him of course but seeing manquillo start you know it's not looking too promising.

It's been coming. We're fucking shit up front, have been caught loads of times on the counter. We go one down we're basically fucked.

Other than the zabaletta block, Rondon's not getting into the positions Perez has, he just can't finish. There's only one goal in it but we're not the best at turning a deficit around are we?

Manquillo's pass there......