You know you're from Washington when:
*Someone asks you where it is, you're never quite sure to answer with "in Sunderland", "in Gateshead", "near Newcastle" or "on Tyneside"
*You know that 'The Galleries' is not, in fact, a couture art exhibition, but rather a concrete monstrosity masquerading as a shopping centre and housing a population of teenage mothers and pasty-babies
*You worked at the Child Benefit Centre either over the summer holidays or were put there for work's experience when you were 14
*You've been drunk in Princess 'Prinny' Anne Park at least once
*You went to either Biddick, Bobs, Washy or Uzzy (God rest it's soul) comp and hated all of the others with a fiery passion (which often resulted in fistycuffs)
*You took eggs and flour in on the last day of summer term
*You were part of the child-labour 'Clean up Washington' campaign which involved you being sent out with a pair of rubber gloves at breaktime to remove anything from the schoolyard that might harm a hedgehog
*You have an entirely different postcode to your friend living up the street... apparently one of you lives in Durham, the other in Newcastle
*You used to hang out at the bowling alley... but rarely actually bowled. Playing in the arcade and trying to sneak beer in was the way forward
*You snuck into the Oasis as a teenager
*Learning to drive was a nightmare because of all the friggin roundabouts
*You're aware that the nightlife consists solely of The Village with it's 3 pubs or The Riverside with it's 3 pubs.
*School trips consisted of Beamish, Beamish and Beamish. The 90th time you see a bored-looking bloke on community service pretending to be a 19th Century miner, the whole thing becomes a lot less believable. Anyone remember the plasterboard mine with the comedy waxworks and dripping ceiling? Brilliant.
*You went to Stevie Y's/The Ranch/Redskins in one of it's many incarnations... and were scared witless
*You worked in either the Keys, the Arms, the Bull, the Bush, the Mill House or the Steps at some point
*You're vaguely aware of which district you live in but never use it to direct anyone there
*You pronounce Penshaw "Pen-shaa" and know that 'Glebe' is NOT prounounced "Gleeeb-ie".
*You were hurt when they made the Inn Between into a trendy wine-bar
*If you dated someone you were "meeting" them, and if it became serious they were then fondly known as "me lad" or "me lass"
*You are often asked to recount the Lambton Worm story in the full-accented version...
*... and were forced to do numerous, pointless plays about it at Primary School
*You know what Greggs is
*You've broken the law at least once in your life
*You know that the "ing" in 'Washington' is pronounced silently
*Your Primary school is likely to have been since knocked down, intergrated with another one or renamed
*You know when Thanksgiving and Independence Day are.
*You used to "go out drinking" as a 13 year old... which meant sharing a bottle of White Lightning down the railway tracks and hiding from "the bizzies"
*You fell victim to the 'School Kid Curfew' of the mid-90s and were escorted home by the police
*You used to sneak on the Metro
*Glebe park was THE place to hang out in the evening
*The 194 bus was the gateway to magical worlds
*You've nearly killed yourself trying to drive over the speed bumps either outside of the F Pit or Bobs. Speed bumps are NOT meant to be the height of small children, Washington Council. Take heed.
*You were forced to go to the sodding Kite Festival year after year after year. Possibly THE dullest and most surreal thing ever
*You always know that you're nearly home when driving on the motorway when you can
see Penshaw Monument (how many other pit towns have a random Greek-style
sculpture at the top of a high hill?)
*You don't think that 'Fatfield', 'Spout Lane' or 'Biddick' are hilarious place names
*The house your parents bought for about 10p twenty years ago is now worth a surprising
amount
*Concord: World's most famous jet plane or small, dilapidated front street where no-one dares set foot in after 8pm?
*You remember Freddie Bell
*You very likely once reffered to your teenage friendship group as "The Washy Posse"
*It's impossible not to know someone else who grew up here. Everyone in Washy is either connected by family, friends, school or notoriety
*Bandnights at the Art's Centre were 'cool'
*You call Sainsbury's 'Savacentre'
*You pulled 'tire-tracks' (or 'tram lines', s) in your school tie, the wore it as a 'tiddler/kipper'. If you didn't, you were mocked.
*You know/dated/are related to someone who works at Nissan
*You know or either know someone who knows either Heather Mills-McCartney, Bryan
Ferry or Prince Naseem's ex-wife
*You've either met or been chatted up by 'The Sunderland Shagger'... the lad who's famous for having seven
kids by the grand old age of 21... and you also went to school with one of the unfortunate 'mams'.
*You're mates or associates of either fish, fishes brother or the DMD.
*You know who the DMD are.
* You mourn the passing of the 194 and 294 and loathe the scabby 'M' buses
Ohhhhhh so true I lived in Fatfield, went to St Bob's, went to Beamish every fucking year on school trips, used to go drinking down The Riverside and worked in Concord as a 16-year old where the shop I worked in would regularly get raided by lads with baseball bats after dark. Happy days...
