Dr Kenneth Noisewater

Back of the net!

Tears his hamstring and is ruled out for two months

Clive, are you pals with the Altavista bot and the Yahoo bot or do you consider them mortal enemies?

Agree Wykiki. Careless, thoughtless, selfish tosspots trundling along in a world of their own completely oblivious to whats going on on the road about them. They're up there with middle-lane hogs and my particular favorites, people who can't indicate properly at roundabouts.

Click me Mind, Coogan does have a reputation as a serial shagger. But would he really stoop so low?

You are on your deathbed/badly wounded but by picking up a first-aid kit you are restored to full health.

Fuck my hat, I didn't know that!

If we draw this one then get beat by manu we will have the same number of points after four games as we did last year. And we know what happened to the manager then...

You should fit right in!

Someone's getting ripped off....... 15722[/snapback] It was West Ham but it was only in the gossip column.

Don't get my hopes up Brock! Did I read somewhere today that someone has put in a £6 million bid for Ashton?

Thats still the best part of £10 million. Not sure I understand the economics of penny-pinching on the Boa Morte deal and throwing money at this one. Is he twice as good?

Footballers and their agents are a greedy breed. If the coin is there they will come here. What they do once they have signed however, is open to debate.

We used to do that when we were kids. Put glasses, hats, scarves etc on our cat. Wonder if thats why he ran away

1 Everton finished ahead of Liverpool last season. 2 Polls don't mean shit.

Bacon is a publicity seeking tosspot. I hear Britney is going to call her bairn 'Preston'.

Stanley was sacked from his fivelive commentary job after being found in a car park having one off the wrist whilt watching a couple rutting in their car. Allegedly.

Yes, thats a good point. I remember a free kick routine towards the end of last season (might have been in the uefa) when Taylor blocked the path of the guy marking Shearer allowing Al a free header and goal. Definite training ground routine.

Stan Collymore is

I totally disagree! One of the great things about Taylor is he is totally professional and cynical and does anythign to win and has clearly been coached by Tony Adams when he was his boss. He understands that cynical players and teams win the trophies, whether its by sneakilly fouling attackers before the ball arrives so they're off balance, pretending he was hit in the face to try and avoid a sending off for handball or whatever he knows you play to win. Watch him whenever he is fouled, he ensures he gets his freekick, maybe even see if they get booked then he gets up and gets on with it, the way you should, Compared to some of pur players who do their utmost to help the opposition from being penalised and end up losing the ball and gettign nothing sometimes! 15367[/snapback] Hmmm, if you're right he needs to practice the sneaky part a bit more. Its only sneaky if the ref doesn't see it.

He's going to be great but I wish he'd stop picking up so many yellow cards. Truly top-class defenders don't do that. He's got a dirty/cynical streak to his game he could do without.

1. Sir Bobby Robson - I'm sure he'd be entertaining, he was pure class at an after dinner talk-in thing he did at the Fed brewery a few years back. He could have gone on all night, although he may leave my party early in a huff when I suggest he should have moved aside a bit quicker in the Newcastle job. 2. Nigella Lawson - Beauty, brains and could help with the cooking. 3. Murray Walker - The worlds most passionate motorsports fan. 4. Kirsty Gallagher - She'd fit right in. 5. Vic Reeves - He'd just ramble on talking bollocks (much like my good self). 6. Charlotte Hudson - There's something about her I've always liked. 7. Jeremy Clarkson - Not short of an opinion is he? 8. Kelly Brook - For a couple of reasons. 9. Stephen Fry - He knows everything about everything so conversation would never dry up. 10. Peter Beardsley - Pedro the Great. Enough said.

Tragic news, only 55 A good MP both at cabinet level and in her own constituency, Redcar. Briefly met her a couple of times.

So is he the man we need? What do you know about him people?

A black fella, a pakistani and a jew go into a nightclub. What a wonderful example of an integrated society. (c John Thompson)