Ayatollah Hermione

Or, in other words, “I gave the daft cunt a bollocking for trying to promote his board game and getting roped into a dodgy interview and Allan will be saying the square sum of fuck and all in future”

That 2-3 game spell where Ryan Taylor and Pancake kept setting each other up was hilarious. The Championship really has come a long way since that team ripped the piss completely

If Gemmill could get an app to keep his garden tidy, he’d be all over this. Doubly so if he could get a battery powered robot strimmer

Fantastic title. After that, If we don't win this, I'll be amazed.

The new Spiritualized one is canny but you really need to be sat listening to it at 3 in the morning with the honking smell of shit weed wafting about to get the experience he desired, I'd say.

Counterpoint: they'll be feeling sorry for themselves, Liverpool will win on Saturday night to heap the pressure on and Trippier is coming back to link up with Bruno down the right hand side. All other evidence of their ability is completely discounted.

The Eddie Stobart one second from the back has nothing but jars of curry sauce in

Aye, it'll go nowhere but the very fact that the current crop are so desperate to get rid of it, that they'd even entertain that tramp is great news. Christ knows who will be next up to own them

Shut up everybody, something incredible could happen if we all cross our fingers https://www.sunderlandecho.com/sport/football/sunderland-afc/william-storey-led-consortium-launches-new-ps42m-takeover-bid-at-sunderland-reports-3681599 The Don and the 90s Throwback are apparently very keen to sell to Gandaft. I’m sure he can’t actually provide proof of funds but imagine.

6 jars of curry sauce for a family meal. I can’t move past it. Never once have I had a curry from a jar and thought “mind, this could do with being 5 times as soggy and wet”

It wouldn’t surprise me if he was sold tbh. He’s electric and exciting and all the rest of it but he’s the most sellable asset we have, outside of Bruno, and if it meant Sarr and that kid from Milan coming in to strengthen the wings, I could well see them going for that tbh. Would mean that our striker wouldn’t have to keep tracking back to the left wing to help Targett out either

Me

Put him for sale and he’ll soon be humbled when no team in the Champions League will actually touch him

Coutinho has been so good that they’ve went from 9th to 14th or whatever it is

All Man City’s efforts are for nothing thanks to Yaya Toure’s curse

Well, least they left you enough to get some cans.

Richarlison on the end of Trippier crosses would be thumbs up emoji. I presume he’s still quality in the air, every time I’ve watched him since Lampard came in, he’s been spending all his time rolling around on the deck

After having read these last few pages and news bulletins, those tribes in Papa New Guinea have it right tbh

Bournemouth and Fulham are categorically the two most boring sides that could have come up. Automatic spot for Forest (scab miners, fuck them) and Luton in the playoffs would have been somewhat interesting at least

Genuinely never heard owt like it. If I was a sitcom writer, I’d be stealing that immediately. Nobody could make it up

All the family gathered around a cauldron in the garden, cackling away

If Dummett can keep fit, he’s perfectly solid playing as a left-sided CB, I say. At least he’s dependable cover anyway. I think the likes of him and Longstaff are being retained so they can actually make some money off them down the line rather than losing them for nothing. Even if it’s a few million. As well, you’re probably losing Fernandez, Clark, Lewis, Manquillo (possibly) and Ritchie from the back line in the summer. Granted, Ritchie shouldn’t be playing there but still, giving Dummett an extra year to be a squad player makes a degree of sense.

Glad we can finally make a start on the second edition of the CT Misery Plate coffee book collection anyway

Burgers have been delayed as I’ve got to have some pints down the Fish Quay. God bless Jesus or whoever it is we’re celebrating

How much did 6 jars of Lloyd Grossman curry sauce cost ffs? Especially when you just have had to bring them forward in time from 2004