Ayatollah Hermione

Has Longstaff touched the ball yet?

Diego is so depressed, he’s turned Jamaican

Would honestly recall that Kell Watts and play him

Imagine keeping a week to week record of the refereeing in every game, man. Would look like kids making up a sport at break time

ASM is a couple of bandages away from turning out like The Invisible Man

Swapped over to watch their “analysis” and Redknapp is such a clem “Yeah but it was a great goal guys!” Can’t possibly comprehend that we made it easy as possible for him

Tbf, I’ve got Don Goodman so it’s beginning to add up

Im not sure what’s worse; the actual refereeing or how pundits will bend over backwards to defend those kinds of decisions

Think Sunderland fans might have had a point when they used to say that you get fuck all off refs when you’re at the bottom

Like how, according to this, you can just wipe out an opposition player at any time providing they’re not “near the ball”

The closing down was electric there

Shame he’s put his slippers on instead of his boots

Can’t believe I’m now gutted about the fact we’ll lose Joelinton when we’re relegated

If I’m a keeper and I have Clark in my defence, I’m giving him no chances to fuck up and shouting for everything that comes near him.

Dubravka is done. New keeper desperately required

Wouldn’t surprise me if they decided to show our game from Thursday night instead and broadcast Danny Murphy wanking himself daft.

How the Metro Centre is still going is a bit of a mystery in itself. Is there much even there anymore?

The Snowman. The Snow Pedo, more like

Day on the drink planned for the 27th so aye, makes sense. First time I’ve seen people for a fucking age and it’s going to be banjoed. Why does nobody think of me in these situations?

He’ll be up and over like a pan of milk just looking at it

Bad crack for the both of you, that like. This next week is going to be proper squeaky bum time for everyone. Saying that, am I fuck staying away from people if I’m testing negative, not after those cunts spent the entirety of every lockdown holding parties.

He's 5ft 6 and 4ft 8 of it is pure chin. The chin matrix is off the map with this guy.

Yet another chinless wonder from the Tory party. If we're going off the, correct, assumption that a strong chin will appeal to the common man, Sunak's looks like it could withstand a couple of jabs from Speedbag Starmer at the least. Could be a tactic that the Tories look to employ, if you ask me.

I laughed when I saw someone suggest that the Spurs version of “All or Nothing” should have just been called “Nothing”

Not like Jenas to try to sound clever and have it fail miserably.