Ayatollah Hermione

Aye but CT, I'm safe in the knowledge that you're doing what you always do which is keep track of anyone doing anything for the U21s and insisting that they're the next big thing in order to have a different opinion to everyone else.

aye, I did the same and thought the same until it goes well off the rails in Season 5.

I think a game of professional football is a bit more taxing on the body than your turbo-waddle around the streets of East Boldon.

Aye, move in next to CT so you can be a personal witness when it comes to us giving him shit for his exercising.

You were supposed to say "Nothing much, what's a-kraken with you?" ffs

What's a Kraken?

Town Wall as well, if you can get some of the seats.

That's class. I wish more clubs would completely take the piss like us, just to see how many divvies still buy it. "AV GORRA HAVE A TOP, MAN"

These things cost 700 quid?!! If you're spending 700 pound on something to distract you from the ever-lasting knowledge of your own mortality, you could pick better things.

Aye, we'll put ladders up for them when they produce an English postcode on their passport.

Kid at work reckons if they get independence, we should rebuild Hadrian's Wall to keep them out

Fucking hell, Stevie, sorry to hear that, mate. As J69 says though, "strong chance" isn't a definite, just stay positive and aye, take plenty of time to see what you've wanted to see and do what you've wanted to do.

Give yourselves a shake. As much as our lot can be knackers, I highly doubt they're so callous when it comes to someone having cancer. Fuck me, you people.

fucking hell, have it back!

Awful that and can only hope he comes round and kicks it up the arse.

I suggest you lick his arse as much as possible because if he's pulled that off, he'll be running the company in 6 weeks.

He's shit, get over it.

People prattle on about managers not wanting to work for Ashley like he's even in the top 5 most mental cunts in the league. As a manager, you get given international footballers to play with, just because Pardew hasn't got a fucking clue what to do with any of them, doesn't make the transfer policy hopeless. In the hands of a decent manager, they'd be fine. Also, a decent manager from abroad will gladly jump at the chance to manage in the Premier League; Solskjaer had a growing reputation in Europe and he jumped to work for Tan, Laudrup went to Swansea, Pochettino went to Southampton. If you think that we can't attract that kind of manager just because you don't like Ashley, you've got the wrong end of the stick completely and you're letting your biases cloud your judgment. All this talk of managers in the papers is obviously them trying to fill column inches because they have to be seen as in the know when in reality, next to nowt finds it's way into the ears of the papers these days. From us, anyway.

aye. My mate got cufflinks for the lot of us and then another daft little gift. I got a hipflask (signed by him) and my mate got a Super Mario wallet because he needed a wallet.

I wouldn't mind a big long walk like that if I had some music to listen to. How far does 19 mile get you? Here to...Derby? That's probably 19 miles.

Glad Fish is sorting a one-stop shop for Newcastle United gear, the market is dying out for it.

Steve Bruce would be such a gigantic improvement over Pardew that it's not even funny. And he's not even that good.

The actions of a very worried man. Also, the actions of a complete fucking arsehole. their time is up and they know it.

Craig, where did you get those jokes, 2003?

That's not woman behaviour, it's psychotic behaviour. If he has American Psycho on its own shelf, be worried.