Kitman

Why don't you just use the hoover them up with the extension thingy (with no fitting on the end)? You'll find they make a very satisfying 'thock' noise as they hurtle to their deaths, and you can do it from a distance. I used to pick up spiders and chuck 'em out the window (because I'm nails) but my missus would hoover the buggers to death if I wasn't in......which is just as well as I'm not sure I'd have survived the shock of seeing her with a hoover in her hand......

Dumb and obese. Not a good combination.

Well am 38 and i had convinced myself by Tuesday night that we would get a striker so you're in company anyway. However, when we sold Enrique i was in the same hopeful state of mind (without reason at that moment) and Gemmill basically made a strong case and post that he wouldnt be replaced and we wouldnt get a striker. Thats when i caught myself and realised aye, getting carried away with hope but the form book is there for all to see. So i reset the expectations and assumed no one was coming in. Then we signed Santon, hormones went through the roof and there was me refreshing french transfer market websites. Ffs. Yes, well santon felt like we were gathering momentum, and between a LB and striker, I thought LB was the less likely. On a number of fronts I thought a new striker was a no brainer. How wrong can you get

He must be on glue. I rarely go on there anymore.

To be fair Pardew's career was rapidly heading down the toilet before we took him on. In fact it was down the toilet, into the sewer and bobbing its way towards the sea when we threw him a lifeline. So I don't think he'll jump ship before he's put in a good shift with us regardless of the barriers placed in his way, not unless he's got somewhere good to go to. I'm pretty confident he would have known what he was getting into before he accepted the hotseat. That's assuming of course he's not nuts deep in gambling debts as is rumoured. In which case he'll cling on for grim death like a limpet, whatever humiliation he has to ensure, otherwise Big Tony and his mates will cut his knackers off with a rusty spoon. Or something.

"The lying bitch was asking for it, officer"

I don't know why I expected us to sign a striker. My head said nothing would happen. My heart said they couldn't be that stupid. I'm a bit disappointed with myself, 44 years old and still a bit gullible.

I don't think we'll get relegated but I don't think Ashley will allow any signifcant investment in the team until the club can both fund itself and repay his loans.

This is pure speculation but I wonder if we're on a strict 'one out one in' type policy. So if anyone had come in for Ranger/Lovenkrands/Best we probably would have magically signed another striker. I'm guessing Ba and Ben Arfa is our first choice strikeforce for the season so one of those 3 would have possibly needed to leave before we brought someone else in.

No way is that the worst strikeforce in the prem. Everton have an argentinian loanee and a rarely fit Saha as their only strikers with Beckford and Yakubu gone not to mention the likes of Norwich and Swansea. The strikeforce could be better certainly. I reckon we were in for a few strikers but were to stingy to pull any deal off, we'll probably try again in January. Not ideal but it's still a decent squad overall imo. OK, maybe I was exagerrating because I'm fucking pissed off. Glad you're happy with it though, I'm not.

"I know I've been sayin' for a while now we needed bodies in. but I'm delighted with what we've got, I really am. We was in for some quality players, we was hopin' to get them over the line, in fact I know we was close to gettin' a number of them. But them clubs was askin' for silly money, we was offerin' them top fees and top wages but we have to be smart, we're not backed by a sovereign nation like Man City, it's not like we can do a deal at any price. When I look at the signings we've made I'm delighted, I really am. Your Cabayes, your Santons, your Obertans, your Elliots - these are top class players. And don't forget we've got Hatem to come back, he'll be like a new signing. Plus them players we got already - your Bests, your Sholas, your Perches - these are top top players and they're getting the chance to show me what they can do. I'm really excited by them kids coming through from our Academy too, they're knocing on the door every day. So, look, would I have liked some more bodies in? Yes, what manager wouldn't? Am I disappointed? Nah, I'm happy with what I've got, make no mistake we're looking to take this club forward and challenge for some silverware in the next ten years and that's what we're going to do. Er, will that do, Mike?"

The squad's not good enough and there's no excuse for not strengthening. We don't need a teamsheet to tell us that.

Very disappointed we didn't get another striker. Even a few loan deals would have given us much needed depth in defence and up front. There's no excuse really, they had long enough to sort it, they didn't want to spend the money or preferred to play a game of brinkmanship. Ba/Best/Ameobi/Lovenkrands/Jailbait. Worst strikeforce in the prem. Twats.

300k spend Disgraceful. Well, anyone still reckon that Ashley has any ambition whatsoever for this club? 30 million profit in January, 300k net spend 8 months later. Do that math, 'team positive.' It's maths yankee pigdog no it's math It is if you're going to a religious service with a speech impediment

300k spend Disgraceful. Well, anyone still reckon that Ashley has any ambition whatsoever for this club? 30 million profit in January, 300k net spend 8 months later. Do that math, 'team positive.' It's maths yankee pigdog

There's still time to fax an offer for Messi to Barca. 10 mill + Shola should do it eh Dekka?

Kuqi to Oldham. FFS another viable option gone begging.....

Combined cost 1.5 mill. It is amazing that every other club spends millions on its strike force and we spend the equivalent of a pint of lager and a packet of pork scratchings. Almost as if scoring goals doesn't matter. Madness.

News just in. The helicopter's en route to Dean Windass' house.

As if Ryder knows anything. It's a good guess though

It's not over yet though is it? About an hour to go, plenty of time to do some deals? [/Team Clutching At Straws]

Should we expect something like "We really tried to get in a replacement for Tiote but the 15 minutes remaining in the window was not enough time to secure the quality this football club demands"

Not the kind of transfer news I was hoping for.....

I'm in Team Fucked Off Where's Our Fucking New Striker We Was Promised Rapeydoo