Kitman

This is what annoys the hell out of me. They congratulate themselves about their "5 year plan" but what planning do they really do? What about the most important job in the club, any "planning" going on here at all? No? Seriously, you have a manager with a poor track record, poor health and who's refusing to sign a new contract, and you're not even thinking about who might replace him? Putting out feelers, seeing who might be suitable etc? No, let's wait till it becomes an absolute bloody crisis then see who might be interested, preferably shortly before the season kicks off. It's seriously cack, we should have had some idea of contingency already and now in the light of his health problems we should be planning to replace Kinnear sooner rather than later and no later than the end of the season. Instead we'd rather put the car in neutral and let it freewheel down the hill, taking our hands off the wheel at the same time and shouting "Wheeeeeeeeee!" Incidentally it's obvious to me that this "plan" is the review that Chris Mort did originally with a view to stabilising the club financially based on very limited spending. It's now sitting in a drawer until the next transfer window when Llambias can get it out again like that travel agent character from Little Britain: NUFC Manager "Please can I have 20m to spend on the players we need for the squad" Llambias "Let's see what The Plan says, shall we?" *Takes Mort's report out of drawer, runs finger down pages * "Let's see now. 2009, 2009,2009. Here we are! Oh dear. Plan says No." * Manager exits *

He might as well leave. Some players are just unlucky. Or un-Luque.

Is that the biggest pair of bollocks ever??? You're forgetting Hall & Shepherd * runs before Leazes Mag gets here *

Could've had a shave knowing they were taking a piccy. Honestly, bit of effort goes a long way

Big bones?

Seems unlikely. It would involve coming out of hiding for a start.

I doubt we'll have to worry about this list next year, the way things are going atm

I expect not many top managers would fancy being Dennis Wise's bitch.......

It's all part of the plan, bay-bee!

"Smell the farce. Touching cloth"

"If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed." Adolph Hitler

A step in the right direction. The players lack spirituality At least he'll have an adequate explanation as to why most of them are retards. What would he make of Joey Barton's karma? I honestly think he's a good coach, but maybe the religious nutter side of him would just give the press another stick to beat us with. Can you imagine wor Joey with Eileen Drewery? Lay on those healing hands, Eileen

Aye in the 80s, even Souness was winning things back then. Its 2009 ffs.... The space/time continuum is a myth promulgated by the secret intelligence services to enslave ordinary members of the public * * in Herr Parky's head, crouched in his German fallout shelter lined with baco-foil You know it's right. The idea's been very liberating, I haven't turned up to work in weeks. My attempts to prove that the call of nature is also a lie have not been entirely successful though

Aye in the 80s, even Souness was winning things back then. Its 2009 ffs.... The space/time continuum is a myth promulgated by the secret intelligence services to enslave ordinary members of the public * * in Herr Parky's head, crouched in his German fallout shelter lined with baco-foil

A step in the right direction. The players lack spirituality

Is Sir Bobby a welshman then

One of our coaches bellowing "Get fuckn stuck in, kick em up the arse!" in their faces at half time?

Does either really care? Seems like they've both gone to a bit of effort so I assume so.

I need an article from you. Been thinking about it. Gotta find some time to load up both barrels and pull the trigger Let me know da plans rasta. Sure ting boss man. Working title "Can you feel the farce?"

I need an article from you. Been thinking about it. Gotta find some time to load up both barrels and pull the trigger

I think Owen will be off at the end of the season regardless of what we offer. However I can't see the club offering anything other than a performance related success based contract anyway which will be unacceptable to little Mickey. Man City or abroad seem his most likely options for one last fat payday. He'd have to be desperate to stay with us and we plainly want him off the wage bill. Time was I would have said let's move heaven and earth to keep him but things have moved on now. The injuries have taken their toll on his game and I'm sick of the EMO soap opera. He's too much of a distraction and he isn't a fitting captain imo either. Time to go. Can't see this "watch this space" stuff as anything other than postering by Lame-arse. We should get shot off "Duke" for the same reasons tbh. Him and Owen are/were great players but are poor value for money. Lovenkrands can play upfront so is there as cover if he re-signs. Martins should be first choice if fit. Carroll is back up. Presumably we'll look to sign another first choice striker probably a target man to replace Viduka. Ameobi doesn't count as a striker, I assume he's there to hand out the orange slices.

"GIRLS! DRINK! FECK! ARSE! AMEOBI!"

Sounds like we'll conduct our transfer business in a more professional manner in the summer. We'll be sending our customary fax to Sunderland with the offer for Kieran Richardson at half past 4 on transfer deadline day; no more leaving it till 6 O'Clock anymore, no sirree. That'll leave plenty of time to fax Liverpool with a 5m offer for Gerrard, in the unlikely event Sunderland turn us down

Parky - machine gun poster !

What a load of shizzle! 1. It was common knowledge there was a loan secured on the stadium; 2. It's common practice to pay for players in instalments; 3. It was widely rumoured the Northern Rock money went on Owen In fact I think the first two were even mentioned in the annual accounts. Yet they buy the club and Shock! Horror! Murder! look what they've done! They're either utterly clueless or incredibly badly advised. Or lying. The conclusion of that article was particularly nauseating. This bloke's an amateur.