acrossthepond

Twice, in the fifties.

Live long enough and I reckon we might all find out.

A consummate cockend.

Time for Brentabul or something equally moronic.

The Daily News has rag tendencies, but they are consistently and vehemently anti-gun. This is one of my favorite front pages ever: As true today as it was two years ago - more true, even. I'm a teacher and every so often I wonder if today's the day, and if it was, what would I do. Most likely get filled with bullets off a military-grade assault rifle wielded by an 18-year-old. It's a sobering thought.

Here's some goalkeeping stats from Sky Sports that show how relevant Dubravka may be to our survival (and how absolutely mediocre Elliott and Darlow have been): This statistical analysis reckons Darlow's weak keeping has cost us an additional ~4 goals this season. 4 goals prevented, in key games where it mattered most, and we'd probably be 6 points clear of relegation.

We could start an argument about whether Tino cost us the title, maybe?

Feel bad for him but it's a double sigh of relief - WBA are probably cooked, and we didn't sign him. He's made of pipe cleaners, this was always the likeliest result.

Very easily - you see son, the ball didn't go in the net, so it's not a goal. Job done.

Brilliant stuff from everyone, I thought Shelvey was MOTM but Dubravka and Diame both have a good case as well. Lascelles and Lejeune absolutely impermeable at the back. Had a good feeling about this game, this is exactly the kind of match where we traditionally turn up. Sourpuss Mourinho goes home with nothing yet again.

All the sweeter that it came from a dive from that filthy dickhead Smalling.

He does dive like. I wouldn't call it unsubstantiated.

That was a penalty.

The type of goal we never seem to score.

Get in!

He'll have a hard time of it considering the game's on Sunday like. He scores his first goal and I'm swapping Temuri for an Algerian flag. If he outscores Joselu I'll hoy one in the sig too.

I thought we sent the beef curtain-eating loon on loan to Fulham?

And for good measure:

SSN reporting Mitrovic to Fulham.

As long as it doesn't mean Slimani isn't signing, he can rot in the reserves, or maybe wander the Bigg Market necking pints and picking fights, I don't care. If the Slimani deal is dependent on Mitro leaving though, that'd be just our luck.

I don't know anything about Dubravka, is he coming in to be 1st choice? Darlow to be 3rd? Slimani is an excellent signing, and I will change my profile picture to an Algerian flag after he scores his first goal. Can't wait to see him in black and white, he never got a proper chance at Leicester. Mitrovic was contributing nothing so loaning him out makes perfect sense. Colback is our Rodwell, getting rid isn't as easy as it seems, but loaning him out is the next best thing. Saivet never actually played for us, in years to come we'll think of him as a Ferreyra or Doumbia signing. Aarons has no future at SJP. Good last-minute business imo.

To be honest I'd rather have Gayle. He's a known quantity. Jorgensen seemed like a flop just waiting to happen.

As desperate as Lucas Moura's hairline, that.

The Mangala link seems to be the patented late-window bullshit signing that Ashley and co have perfected over the past few years. A player we can't afford in a position we don't need. We'll put in some pretend bids and then blame City for not wanting to release him with 5 minutes left in the window, and then the moaning will begin about how we can't compete with sovereign nations. We're 3 points off the bottom of the league, never mind the bottom 3. I could understand if we were in the same position as when we signed Luuk de Jong while Carver was in charge, and Fat Mike thinks we'll stop up without spending anything just on the strength of our early season results and a decent if unmotivated squad. But this time we're a win off the bottom, our squad is dire, and Benitez is keeping us above water (barely) pretty much alone. With McClaren, Pulis, Pardew, Steve Bruce, or Hughes, we would be dead last and completely cut adrift. I think we might be truly fucked this time. Last relegation was avoidable, this one seems inevitable.