acrossthepond

You forgot CabayeAye, Desmondtutu, a few other iterations along the way.

To be fair, West Ham are taking the piss with those ticket prices.

Do you reckon you could wear a burka while doing it?

Sky Sports on the wind-up with an "interactive feature" about Carroll's seemingly endless injuries: http://www1.skysports.com/football/news/15130/9713119/andy-carrolls-injuries-at-west-ham-interactive-guide

Brilliant. Good on him, Savage is a complete wanker. I liked Scholes getting stuck into that ridiculous dossier as well, ex Man U or not. Shades of Benitez's "facts" rant there. Van Gaal already losing his bottle?

Are we sure that was Pardew in the opposition dugout, not in ours? Two terrible defensive subs that killed off any chance we had of getting back into the game. Playing for a point against Pardew and Crystal fucking Palace? Do one you charlatan.

Great goal, delivered right onto his head by Janmaat and he didn't disappoint with the header.

That shirt is such dogshit. Wasn't it a grey shirt that old red nose ordered his players to swap out of at half-time against Southampton one year? Claimed they couldn't see each other? The blue/green effort is much better, not sure why we don't just wear that every game as it doesn't clash with anyone except Chelsea/West Ham/Villa/Everton and we can just wear black and white against them.

Reposting cause I fucked up the formatting: Southend manager Phil Brown at Britannia Stadium for 5 live Sport: 'Big Sam is a genius' Southampton v West Ham (19:45 GMT) "Sam Allardye gets almighty stick from all comers. The throwaway comment that got up Big Sam's nose was what Graeme Souness said, probably 15 years ago, that Liverpool in a game found it hard to play against "this long-ball rubbish". These days Sam is enjoying himself. "And remember, Sam was the first manager in England to embrace ProZone - he is well into his stats. He may have dyslexia but he's not thick. I think he's a statistical genius. I think he's as good as Arsene Wenger, if not better."

Taking off Cabella at 0-0 to put on a clogger like Obertan was a Pardew move if there ever was one. Baffling considering he was having a good game and has become integral to our attacking play being a success.

Just call them the Loan Rangers.

I have to agree. Defensively we were terrible, if we were playing a side with better forwards than Hernandez and Jelavic we would've been punished. They had plenty of chances to score while they were still level, and of course their defence for Gouffran's goal was cringeworthy. That said, nothing taken away from excellent goals from Cabella and Ameobi and a much better attacking performance.

Astonishing bit of cheating there. Never trust an Egyptian like. Cabella's goal was great but what made it all the better is that three months ago he would've still been on the floor whining about the contact. Now he's up off his arse and there for the interception that created the goal. Sea change in his attitude, good on him.

Instantly chucked in as soon as he can finish a 200m sprint without breaking down.

Callum McManaman's back in the Premier League with West Brom. Oh joy.

Sky Sports also getting in on it: http://www1.skysports.com/watch/tv-shows/sunday-supplement/news/9660707/the-soul-is-being-sucked-out-of-newcastle-united-says-shaun-custis

The best part is how we registered Darlow as one of our 25 squad members despite him being out on loan with no recall for the entire season, forcing us to chuck games away with "krisis keeper" Alnwick in nets since our own stupidity prevented us from getting an emergency loan in, then Charnley is turning around and saying "well we're full up."

Shocking reffing like but no masking the fact that we've got no ideas going forward. 3 losses and a home draw to Burnley, top audition from Carver, just the ticket.

That looked a penalty to me, Clyne's reaction told it all, both hands up to his face instantly because he knew he'd fouled Sissoko. Foot over the ball before missing it and taking out Sissoko's leg.

The eternal dilemma: I want us to win, but a good result increases the chances of us getting stuck with the Geordie Pardew.

I mean, it's not like they're us.

They've just sold their star striker, they're not going to sell his replacement too.

"The referee's a seal!" is a brilliant one I heard at Hartlepool a couple of years ago. There was also a belligerent six-year-old at that game who spent the entire time perched in his dad's arms shouting random abuse. At one point he pointed straight at an admittedly chunkly Hartlepool player and screamed "FATTY! FATTY!" for a good five minutes.

If we don't sign anyone in the window (and it's almost half over with no sign of anyone coming in) that doesn't bode well for ST renewals anyway.

He was seen at the Leicester game pointing to the badge on his coat and making "I'm still here" gestures at the away fans, according to .com