Gemmill

Brought some of my pasta in for lunch today like. I imagine it'll be like the Diet Coke Break ad with lasses gathering outside my office to watch me eat it.

Men. Always making promises they can't keep I never promised. But I'm sure I've still got it, so fear not!

Alex would have that Shilpa's life if he was in the BB house, clearly!

Nope, I'm as skint as can be. Payday on Friday though, so off to Aspers for the poker tournament.

I hope I didn't delete it this morning after saying that. Will confirm later, but I'm sure I've still got both episodes so far on.

I've got it on Sky + if you want it putting on a DVD?

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His crossing was shocking at the weekend like, so he doesn't want to be wishing for too much competition for his place.

Speaking of Record Breakers - there's some bloke in China or somewhere fighting to get his record ratified and put in the Guinness Book. He's claiming the record for the largest patch of skin torn off through sunburn. He's being turned down on the basis that he can't prove that it's his skin.

Aye you're in a pretty good spot as well cos you're never that far from anywhere really, just cos the place isn't that big. Ah well, have fun.

Aye, went to the pub at the distillery for lunch. I think you can do tours of the distillery and that. I would have said it was somewhere worth going if you and the missus were gonna be there for a weekend, but it's probably more of a summer place really. Are you doing any driving around or anything while you're there to see the place or is it all busy busy?

Seriously?! I thought it was really crap.

Cheap as chips? It's about £2 an hour. Claremont Road is your best bet as long as you're there for about 1. I think it's 50p an hour.

I can see it going to extra time unfortunately.

How Hugh Laurie can win best actor with that appalling American accent is beyond me. It's like Dick Van Dyke winning a BAFTA for Mary Poppins.

Mind, if she tried to feed me a chicken she'd only been cooking for 40 minutes, I'd have something to say about it an'all. Especially if I was on a daft rationing thing like they've always got going on on BB.

It's like Kevin and Perry Go To The Match.

Who the fuck contacts their MP about Celebrity Big Brother?

Fucking horrible isn't she? The lass has achieved everything she wanted in life - lopped her chebs out in Playboy and shagged a Premiership footballer. It's all downhill from here.

Not sure about these charges of racism tbh. As far as I can gather they've been mocking this Indian lass's accent. Now if they put people with some brains in the house they'd know enough not to do that because of the likelihood that it'll be deemed racist. Whether it is or not, I'm not sure - if I was in the house I'm fucking sure I'd be taking the piss out of Goody's retarded cockney accent.

High times. Port Rush is quality.

I was in a B&B in Port Rush in Northern Ireland for the 8-0 Sheff Wed match. Went out and bought a radio to listen to it cos the one in the room was shit.

How VERY dare you!

This is supposed to be good: http://www.amazon.co.uk/An-Inconvenient-Tr...=UTF8&s=dvd It's on my LoveFilm list.

I've now got this mental image of Gemmill pacing up and down his kitchen, muttering "come on you bastard" whilst the package spins in the microwave before howling "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" and hurling himself at the microwave, wrenching the door open and tearing off the cellophane before devouring his lukwarm chicken tikka using his hands. Thank you Renton. One of my mates once got home pissed with his tikka massala only to discover there was no one in, and he'd lost his keys. Undeterred he sat on the doorstep and ate his curry with his hands. When we got back he was slumped on the doorstep, with massala sauce all over his hands, face and shirt. He looked like something out of a Hammer Horror.